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Stress is taking it's toll

Monday, March 17, 2014

My weight is up. Stress has been up. I'm just tired of all the stress and feeling un-settled. I've got to put down roots soon or I'll go crazy. For me that means owning my own home again. Hubby talked to his step dad last night about buying this place and the property that goes with it and he just kept saying "you guys can live there rent free forever..I just need a room for myself.". But, i'm not living with him. And, maybe that sounds mean but it's not. He's had a drug problem for as long as we've known him. For my husband..that's his entire life and he's 36. I'm not having that in my home around my son..or me for that matter. Add to that he's very slob like so that would be one more person I'd be cleaning up after and i'm just not doing it. So, he said he'd think about selling to us but if he takes to long then we'll buy something else if we see something we like. Neat and tidy and done. So, I am feeling stressed about this entire situation.

Add to that hubby's real dad. Still in ICU but slightly improving. It's just eating up so much time going to see him at least every other day during the week. It's 2 hours just in drive time and sitting there watching him sleep or stare into space is depressing. I don't mean that in a bad way either. I am still praying for him daily and I know he hates it also. He hates hospitals and going to the Dr. Which is why he's in this situation..but still..I know he's miserable.

And, hubby had a cousin that passed away from a heart attack on Saturday. Very unexpected and he's only 8 years older than my husband. They weren't close..he has a huge family and a zillion cousins. But,'s sad. We've got the showing tomorrow and then the funeral the next day and i'm making food..but have no idea where i'm taking it or whats going on because his mom hasn't answered our questions..after telling us to show up and bring food. And, I've got to go buy clothes today because hubby can't fit into his old dress clothes and I don't even have any dress pants or skirts anymore that fit me either.

I'm ashamed that I've gained back ALL of my weight plus 2 pounds. I'm just so tired of this constant stress of being overweight. It just weighs on me and is always in the back of my mind eating away at me. I'm finally making progress in my Daniel Plan book and am almost soda free. BUT, I replaced soda with that crystal light liquid stuff you add to water. It has fake sugar which is not something you're supposed to have. Baby steps I guess. We've still been eating out to much and it's taking it's toll on our finances as well as our health and waist lines.

I just feel stressed out. And, I know my life isn't nearly as stressful as some people's lives but I also do not like a high energy...running around like But, for now there is nothing I can do about most of it. I can change the eating out and food we eat here at home. That's stressful also but doing nothing is getting us nowhere good.

I saw a recipe on fb where you get a baking dish and put a row of green beans, then chicken breast, then quartered red potatoes..pour butter over the top(which I would drizzle olive oil) and then sprinkle a packet of Italian dressing mix over everything and bake. Sounds good and pretty healthy. Hubby don't like chicken..of course..that would be to easy..but maybe he'd try it. Frankly I'm getting so tired of cooking crap food just because people are to picky to try anything else. It's irritating beyond belief. I mentioned organic milk and he freaked out. Do you LIKE drinking mucus and hormones?! So, i'm buying organic milk from now on. And, if he drinks less milk because of it then..good..maybe that will help with his sinus issues and snoring.

I'm also cleaning up my friends list..on here and on fb. There are a few people..on fb..who drive me up the wall and i'm not even really friends with them. So, it's time to go. They've never once commented or liked anything I've posted but I have to scroll through constant griping and zillions of game requests.

Ok, maybe I should title this 'Here comes the griping'..but I honestly needed to vent and this IS my blog.
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SALAM4545 3/19/2014 11:21PM

    Please don't feel as though you need to apologize for venting. That's part of what we are all here for. You have so much family drama going on. I know what it's like to deal with family members with addiction issues. You absolutely DO NOT have to explain why you would choose not to live with a man who is addicted, or why you do not want your son around it. Kudos to you for setting that boundary. My condolences about your DH's cousin. They may not have been close, but it's still unsettling when someone in your family who is around your age dies.

It sounds as though you really need a few moments for yourself during the day. Could you get 15 minutes to take a walk and just get out of the normal atmosphere? Just a few minutes per day where you can de-stress and just get a breath of fresh air? It might help keep the drama from taking it's toll on your spirit. emoticon

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PATTYJ48 3/17/2014 6:23PM

    emoticon emoticon

You are dealing with a lot right now. You need to put yourself first and take care of you. I am here any time you want to vent and I completely understand about stress eating. I have been doing that for the past 6 months and am almost back to where I started last year.

WE can do it because we are so worth it.

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KALTSCHWAGER 3/17/2014 12:04PM

    You have a lot going on in your life right now. Don't add worrying about your weight to the list. I saw that recipe on Facebook, it looks delicious! You could probably put some other kind of meat in the oven as that one is cooking for you husband. If he tried the chicken he might like it, but if he didn't, there would still be something for him to eat. Or you could put a roast in the crock pot. Then it's not a lot of extra work for you.
I have found that putting together a menu for the week helps me save money grocery shopping, and then since there's a plan, we eat out less. I need to get back to that because I've gotten off track.
I'm sorry things are so stressful for you right now. I hope they get better soon.

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LIFECHANGZ 3/17/2014 10:54AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon (hugs) venting helps us identify & hear what the problem is... then to live through the stress making events & change(s)... one way or another. I hope you can buy this or another house... So glad to hear your fil is improving. That is so encouraging. Thanks for the update, had been wondering how he's doing. (hugs)

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IFDEEVARUNS2 3/17/2014 9:10AM

    Sounds like you have a lot on your mind! I can certainly relate. Time to take care of yourself and clean house. Vent away - it will help. Good luck with finding a place. You are absolutely right that you don't need to take care of another person.

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GEORGE815 3/17/2014 9:07AM

    Stay focused. Look after your self.

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