Monday, March 17, 2014
St. Patrick's day used to be a huge time for celebration in my family. We always enjoyed the typical traditions, like pretending to have the Irish brogue of our ancestors, listening to Celtic music and the yummiest staple of the grey corn beef & cabbage dinner.
However, after the passing of my brother (only 43yrs old) on St. Patrick's day 3 years ago, my emotions are a big scrambled mess on this day. I struggle because it was always such a happy day for us, but now it is so sad. I miss him so very much. Sometimes, I think it's so cool that he passed away on a day we celebrate/celebrated with such passion. For him, maybe the party lives on. I can just picture him and our Grampa John hoisting beers in the air the yell of "Cheers", while Irish music plays loudly in the back round. Maybe be had to go on a day that would usually bring so much joy, fun and laughter, to make it somehow easier for us. I just don't know.
Just before I woke up yesterday, the last dream I remember having was of my brother calling me to say hi. I heard his voice as clear as day, say "Hi" and "What's up". In fact I am pretty confident, it was the sound of his voice that woke me up. Yesterday we held his Memorial Mass. It was great to see all my family, even if we were gathering to remember a somber day in our family history.
Today, I have already cried half a dozen times, later though I will celebrate our Irish heritage with a nice corn beef & cabbage dinner and not count the calories, because life is to be enjoyed and celebrated. Tomorrow is not a guarantee.