Sunday, March 16, 2014
I have been feeling down lately and I know I have always been more the jar's half empty type of person but right now I am so negative I can hardly stand myself! When you annoy your own self with your own negativity it is time to do something about it!
I didn't realize how bad it was until I was looking at my Balance and Moderation's team goals. I'm supposed to say 5 things I'm grateful for each day? I'm supposed to be kind to myself? How can I do that when I am in the "I hate everything" mode and sort of can't stand myself?
This was a slap in the face for me. Yes, I'm cheerful and supportive but inside I'm feeling so negative about myself and my life. I don't really know why. I do have some positives:
1. A loyal and faithful hard working husband
2. No major drama in my life
3. My son is 2 years heroin free
4. I have a job that I mostly enjoy
5. I have support from friends and teammates here at SP
6. I love my 2005 Chevy Impala that I inherited from my dad when he died.
(My car is actually haunted and I feel him with me often (my husband had to remind me how
much I love my car and what a positive it is for me. See....I'm in a bad way!)
It might not be a huge list but its a start. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself!
So my life isn't perfect. Who's is? So I don't like the house I live in. I just need to work harder in the house to make it a happier place for me. So I hate winters here. Get over it, most people have much worse winters. So I have health problems. Again, who doesn't? So we are broke and forced to live frugally. So are a lot of folks and truly, sometimes it is rewarding and fun being frugal. So we don't get fabulous vacations every year (or even a decade). We did get to go to Hawaii 3 years ago and I can treasure those memories always. So I don't have the figure I had a couple years ago. Oh well, I still have a better figure than I did in my 20's and early 30's. So I wasn't born beautiful. I have a big personality and great sense of humor. So I wasn't born brilliant. At least I have common sense, empathy and a caring nature.
Its time for me to bust out of this rut. I can't be negative. Negative in, negative out...its all just destructive and gets me nowhere. I am going to force myself to become more positive. I'm going to force myself to stop the negative self talk and work on being nicer to myself. There is nothing to be gained by beating myself up. I'm only making my life harder to deal with and truly, it just isn't that bad. I just let myself get in such a negative place...no, I don't LET myself, I actually put myself there...and its so hard to climb out. But this is a climb I need to make.
From this moment on, one day at a time, I'm going to be more positive. I won't become Pollyanna overnight, but to become a bit more positive every day will go a long way to making me a happier person and probably more pleasant to be around.
Thanks for your ongoing support my sparkfriends!