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    LILMISSRED79   46,683
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Struggling

Saturday, March 15, 2014

I've been really distracted about Sparking and weight loss over the past week, so I've been trying to figure out what's going on. I haven't been exercising nearly as much (so much for my emphasis on ST this month!), and while my eating hasn't been totally out of control, I haven't been planning ahead and paying as much attention to the details. I'm acting the way I do when I'm in numbing out mode, separating myself from the world and getting distracted by TV, Pinterest, and things that don't require me to think or do too much. This really needs to stop!

The problem is that I'm really lonely.

I've been in my new home for several months now, and while I feel settled into my apartment and my job, I still don't have a social life here. It's sort of a Catch-22: I feel awkward doing things alone, but if I never get out and do anything then I won't meet people! I've met some nice people through a book club, my gym, my church and my work, but so far nobody that wants to hang out outside of those activities. It's really hard being single and friendless in your 30's! Most people are married & have kids at this stage in life, so they want to do family-oriented things with couples who have kids, too. I'll keep trying, but it's a little discouraging.

It's like I'm in this awkward in-between phase. I no longer have my old Sacramento life, but I don't fully have a life here in the Bay Area yet either. Also, I lost 20 pounds and so my clothes are fitting differently, which is awesome- but it means that right now my clothes all feel too big. I'm not yet small enough to wear the clothes I had bought when I lost the weight last time around, though, so nothing fits quite right and I catch myself being really critical of how I look. Areas of my body that I noticed progress in are starting to look bad to me again. That is also discouraging, but I'm trying to be mindful of my self-talk.

I've also noticed a lot of daydreaming going on: moving to Paris and having an amazing life there, or staying here but buying an awesome house and decorating it, stuff like that. I'm separating from the life I actually have and trying to live in some alternate universe. The thing is that moving to Paris won't fix anything because if I'm not willing to leave my apartment here, I certainly won't feel comfortable doing it someplace where I barely speak the language. Buying a house isn't really something I want to do right now, but I think what I DO want is a creative outlet. So perhaps I'll pick up some art supplies or something, too. Ooh, or maybe take art classes- it's another way to meet people!

I'm rambling now. So yeah, I've been off track a bit and hiding from the world in a dazed pity-party. I'm not giving up, though. I just need to dust myself off and find a new party to join instead.

Thanks for "listening!"
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 3/29/2014 9:04PM

    emoticon

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GRACEISENUF 3/23/2014 3:25AM

    I think a creative hobby sounds like a good way to make friends. I have been off SP for awhile and just came back on tonight.

Stop by anytime you want to chat my dear.

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LYNN-LOVESLIFE7 3/23/2014 1:34AM

    Sweet Amy… I think taking a class in photography would do the trick. You’ll meet some nice people that way, or just pick up a camera and start snapping your life, create a BlogSpot outside of sparks called. {A young woman’s journey in the Big BAY AREA} Talk about fashion, talk about healthy meals, talk about your weight loss journey. Just open up and come alive. Also, open a spark group for ladies, who live in your area, you might meet a few sparkers around you. Just a thought, don’t struggle long friend. Everything will be A-okay. emoticon

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TEMPENATIVE 3/18/2014 1:14AM

    Dear Amy, first of all let be apologize for being a crappy friend and not replying sooner. I had some 'stuff' going on, namely with the family. I am sorry you are feeling lonely in your new town. I am no stranger to the checking out that can happen online too. My vice as you know is tumblr. I hope you find some crafting that can keep you occupied or maybe a choir or volunteer thing at the UU fellowship. Maybe you can find yourself a goldfish. ( did you watch sherlock yet? If not that joke will make no sense) I'm sorry hon and I hope you break your funk soon. I will post a blog soon I promise and try to engage more with spark this week. emoticon

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AMY_1217 3/17/2014 9:10PM

    I wish I lived closer! We could totally hang out!
Have you joined local spark group? Maybe then you can solve two problems in one fell swoop. Meet up with fellow members, AND get your fitness minutes up there!
As for feeling bad about your body again, the numbers don't lie! Take your measurements, and this time next month, do it again. If you can't see the progress in the mirror, you WILL see it on the tape measure. :D
I'm sending a goodie with my phone number in it. Text me ANYTIME, day or night, when you're feeling down and lonely. Even if it takes me till the next morning to get back to you, I promise I always will. :D I may not be there physically to support you, but I am emotionally. I know you can do this!

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SCUBADIVA50 3/17/2014 12:50PM

    As you know, divers are the greatest group of people ever! I belong to a dive group through All About Scuba in Fairfield and they always have something cooking up.
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TINASAURUSREX 3/17/2014 11:58AM

    You sound VERY similar to me right now! I just moved to NYC in September and I am facing the same issues. I have 1 friend I moved into the city with, but she had already been here for a year and has a whole group of friends that I am not a part of. I have tried Meetup and doing theatre and same issue, people just aren't particularly interested in hanging out outside of those situations. It's like, by your 30's everyone has their friend group and isn't particularly interested in taking the time to develop a new friendship who isn't already a part of their circle in some way.

I have also had grand dreams about moving to Paris! Then I read about all the paperwork and bureaucracy and lack of jobs and cost of living and I come back to earth emoticon

I suppose we just keep plugging on, finding things that make our hearts sing (art classes, theatre, getting my Ph.D., etc.) and trust that eventually we will connect with the right people and more of a friendship will bloom. It's funny how much we focus on making those kind of connections romantically, but we forget that it's just as tough sometimes to strike up friendships because they are both their own unique sort of relationship!

Keep plugging along, feel free to message if you just want to chat (or bitch), and we will both feel more at home in our new homes before we know it.....right? Yes...right!

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SHEWWIMONSTER 3/16/2014 7:08PM

    I love that you're trying to "decode" your day dreaming and figure out what it really is that you're searching for, like a creative outlet. I spend a lot of time in a fantasy world myself, and I don't think I ever really stop to do that. Though I imagine that right now, most of them would tell me that I, too, am dreadfully lonely.

I'm glad to see an update! I was wondering where you'd gotten to. :) I hope things start looking up soon!

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BREAKINGTHEBAD 3/16/2014 1:48PM

    I have definitely been there before. Does your church have small groups or bible studies during the week for singles, perhaps another church in your area does. It's coincidental but I think my church has an upstart in San Fran. It's difficult to feel disconnected but right now it sounds like the most important thing for you to do is get out of the house. There might plenty of things you can do by yourself that may be just a walk or a drive away. Check the Chamber of Commerce, the county, or your state websites. You can always mention to your acquaintances where you are going and they might want to tag along.
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POSITIVEHOPE 3/16/2014 12:34AM

    Yes, that art class sounds like a great outlet. Maybe you could find somewhere to volunteer? Lots of 30 something's are active in the environment, hiking, and social issues etc. I know you will find a new group of friends but they won't be knocking on your door you have to go to them. Promise yourself you'll do something 2 hours a week until you find what you are looking for.

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UNSWEETMAMA 3/15/2014 10:34PM

    I think an art class sounds like a great idea! Not rambling so much as working through.
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DELIA38961 3/15/2014 10:01PM

    congrats on your weight loss so far emoticon I understand the distancing yourself from the world too sometimes I wish there was a blue tardis to take me to other universes lol

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