I know men don't like to hear our "lady talk", so if you are that kinda guy, turn away now! I am riding the ever so moody PMS wave. I don't get it every single month, and it usually is a day of being a cranky sourpuss and then it moves on. This particular wave of it was way worse than usual. I am cranky, I am overreacting to things, and I am so exhausted. For two days, I was acting as though small things that I should have been a little upset about were the end of the world.
We all have ups and downs, and this will pass. I know this, but the emotional eater in me uses this as an opportunity to overeat. We are well into March, and I was doing so well with my eating... until this past Tuesday, that was my first dreaded cupcake sticker (overeating), and Thursday was my second.
I was explaining to some of my Spark pals how my cupcake stickers rarely ever stand alone. They usually travel in packs. Once I get into that habit of overeating, it can drag on and on. Before I know it, 3-5 days could have gone by where I kept up that bad behavior. I was so relieved on Wednesday when I pulled myself back together, I really thought I had beat it. I think I ended up getting too relaxed, I thought I had it all together and then
, the Binge Monster popped up from out of the shadows.
I walk a fine line on how I "work through" things after a cupcake sticker day. I can not beat myself up, because that will lead to more overeating, more comforting with food, and that is never good. On the flip side of that, I can't simply shrug it off and go "who cares?! no big deal!" When that happens, I will just continue into a downward spiral, and that is not what I want. So I walk the fine line in between the two. I try to reflect on it, learn from it, talk to myself about it. I often remind myself that the food didn't fix the problems, or the feelings that I had. Not only did I have the same problems I had before the binge, now I have the added problem of having binged. *DOH*
From that I try to learn something from it, and then work on moving forward and getting back to my healthy habits.
You would think after almost 2 years on this specific healthy journey, I would have learned all there is to learn and I simply wouldn't binge or emotional eat anymore. To be honest, I think I will always occasionally have an urge to eat for reasons other than hunger. There will be days I will want to eat because I'm stressed, sad, annoyed, cranky, celebrating, happy, etc. I don't think it will ever completely go away... but I can do my best to make those days fewer and farther between. What I consider "binge days" now are often less calories than I would have consumed on a normal day before starting my healthy journey. That in itself shows how far I have come. The fact that this is not a daily occurrence also shows that I have come a long way. I still have a long way to go, but I am working on it.
I think the biggest thing I learned from my 2 cupcake sticker days is that I can never let my guard down. I was doing so fabulously, going off the deep end was not even a thought in the back of my mind. Why would it be? I was kicking butt and taking names! But now I realize even when you are doing great, things can change in an instant and go downhill quickly if we let it. So lesson learned. I will remember just because I can't see the Binge Monster
doesn't mean he isn't lurking right around the corner, waiting to find me in a weak moment! So I will keep my guard up, push forward and continue to learn from my mistakes!
In other news, I am really looking forward to doing an upcoming streak with some of you! I am not sure what I am going to commit to just yet, but I am going to figure it out by the 17th, and start on the 18th! Some of you have shared your streak plans with me already, and they are absolutely fabulous! I am so excited to rock the rest of March with you guys!