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Riding The Wave...

Friday, March 14, 2014

I know men don't like to hear our "lady talk", so if you are that kinda guy, turn away now! I am riding the ever so moody PMS wave. I don't get it every single month, and it usually is a day of being a cranky sourpuss and then it moves on. This particular wave of it was way worse than usual. I am cranky, I am overreacting to things, and I am so exhausted. For two days, I was acting as though small things that I should have been a little upset about were the end of the world.

We all have ups and downs, and this will pass. I know this, but the emotional eater in me uses this as an opportunity to overeat. We are well into March, and I was doing so well with my eating... until this past Tuesday, that was my first dreaded cupcake sticker (overeating), and Thursday was my second. emoticon I was explaining to some of my Spark pals how my cupcake stickers rarely ever stand alone. They usually travel in packs. Once I get into that habit of overeating, it can drag on and on. Before I know it, 3-5 days could have gone by where I kept up that bad behavior. I was so relieved on Wednesday when I pulled myself back together, I really thought I had beat it. I think I ended up getting too relaxed, I thought I had it all together and then emoticon, the Binge Monster popped up from out of the shadows. emoticon

I walk a fine line on how I "work through" things after a cupcake sticker day. I can not beat myself up, because that will lead to more overeating, more comforting with food, and that is never good. On the flip side of that, I can't simply shrug it off and go "who cares?! no big deal!" When that happens, I will just continue into a downward spiral, and that is not what I want. So I walk the fine line in between the two. I try to reflect on it, learn from it, talk to myself about it. I often remind myself that the food didn't fix the problems, or the feelings that I had. Not only did I have the same problems I had before the binge, now I have the added problem of having binged. *DOH* emoticon From that I try to learn something from it, and then work on moving forward and getting back to my healthy habits.

You would think after almost 2 years on this specific healthy journey, I would have learned all there is to learn and I simply wouldn't binge or emotional eat anymore. To be honest, I think I will always occasionally have an urge to eat for reasons other than hunger. There will be days I will want to eat because I'm stressed, sad, annoyed, cranky, celebrating, happy, etc. I don't think it will ever completely go away... but I can do my best to make those days fewer and farther between. What I consider "binge days" now are often less calories than I would have consumed on a normal day before starting my healthy journey. That in itself shows how far I have come. The fact that this is not a daily occurrence also shows that I have come a long way. I still have a long way to go, but I am working on it.

I think the biggest thing I learned from my 2 cupcake sticker days is that I can never let my guard down. I was doing so fabulously, going off the deep end was not even a thought in the back of my mind. Why would it be? I was kicking butt and taking names! But now I realize even when you are doing great, things can change in an instant and go downhill quickly if we let it. So lesson learned. I will remember just because I can't see the Binge Monster emoticon doesn't mean he isn't lurking right around the corner, waiting to find me in a weak moment! So I will keep my guard up, push forward and continue to learn from my mistakes!

In other news, I am really looking forward to doing an upcoming streak with some of you! I am not sure what I am going to commit to just yet, but I am going to figure it out by the 17th, and start on the 18th! Some of you have shared your streak plans with me already, and they are absolutely fabulous! I am so excited to rock the rest of March with you guys! emoticon emoticon emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KIM22211
    you know this had to be my "issue" I was having! Making a big deal out of something that was little??????? ya, totes ma gotes. And just tonight I had this sudden realization that this is forevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve
    r. I had this thought of ugh, I just wish this was done, and then suddenly realized, it will never be "done" I will always and forever have to get in the stupid steps, move more and manage the binges! man oh man, talk about doof! You think 2 years? I think here I have lived my whole life and never put it all together!
    1462 days ago
    1465 days ago
    I love MYTURNNOW'S suggestion about a PMS kit. soothing bath stuff, new tunes, special fresh fruits you don't always buy. whatever - I think that's so cool.

    So proud you only had 2 cupcake days - and that your idea of a binge shrinking. That was my surprise. For me, a binge might be the smallest bag of cheetoes. But I know it's worthless edible stuff - I can barely call it food - so if I eat them it's truly empty calories. If there's really a reason for a splurge it's not a binge but if I'm just driving to the city - well - we know what to call THAT.

    You go girl ... you're learning so much and sharing it so generously. Thank you.
    1468 days ago
    emoticon Steph you are such an encouragement. Thanks for keeping me on target
    1468 days ago
    As a recovering alcoholic (19 months sober) I see so many parallels in your struggle with food. Alcoholics have to remember to keep their guard up too. Even though long periods of time (years) can elapse without any urge to drink, it can always occur at any time. By staying spiritually fit, taking care of our physical and emotional wellbeing, we can be able to not surrender to the urge.

    You seem to be staying on top of your situation, so your prognosis (in my humble opinion) appears to be quite good. You're making use of a good tool, peer support, from people who understand your dilemma. In my mind, it's harder to adhere to eating properly, because eating (unlike drinking alcohol) is not something we can choose to give up.
    emoticon Denise
    1469 days ago
    1469 days ago
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    1469 days ago
    Binge Monster is the EXACT reason why I don't keep junk in my house. I think eventually I'll be able to do it, but not now. Seeing your journey over the past couple years has been hopeful to me. You bounce back and kick butt. Great job!
    1469 days ago
    Is it possible that since your commmitment to stick true to calorie range doesn't start until the 18th for March,that you may have innocently sabbotaged yourself to get the cupcake sticker days out of the way ahead of time?

    You are a very strong woman and you will overcome this. It might be a good idea, next week after the PMS is out of the way, to spend some time building a PMS survival kit of affirmations, healthy snack ideas and other activitiies (maybe a wooden stake and a cross?) to STOP the binge monster in his tracks next time, or at least, make it harder for him.

    We will always have the need to feed the black hole, what we learn from it, to put into place for next time, can make us much stronger at this.

    I believe in you!!!!

    1469 days ago
  • BRENDA_G50
    The "Binge Monster" emoticon is really making his rounds this month! I've been craving ANYTHING sweet! emoticon I'm trying not to give in, but sometimes I do, (read pineapple upside down cake emoticon ). One day this past week I had it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner...this is not a good thing! Glad it's gone now! emoticon

    We just have to stick to our guns and tell the "Binge Monster" to go away because otherwise he will attack us over and over again. I don't think he ever truly goes away for good! He's always lurking around for us to slip up. We can beat him!!!

    emoticon and so can I! emoticon


    1469 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/14/2014 7:05:30 PM
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    1470 days ago
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    1470 days ago
    Stephanie this too shall pass! I think you are doing a very good job of self talk. Keep it up!
    1470 days ago
    you do have to remain vigilant.
    1470 days ago
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    1470 days ago
    it is the same for me right now. Mon I could not stop thinking of eating snacks and so on. then the next day i got my TOM and i was like oh ok. Now I seem to be more focused. I am on ww and trying to stay with in my daily limit,but I may save the extra points for those kinda days.
    1470 days ago
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    1470 days ago
    The binge monster, my worst enemy. Although I have learned a lot from him (he can't be a she) I have him under control and then all of a sudden when I least expect it there he is. Some days I can beat him down and other days I can't emoticon We just got to keep pushing. I don't believe he ever goes away either.
    1470 days ago
    1470 days ago
    I think Jenni may be on target on why this has been such a hard week for you - the time change has all our bodies out of sync. But you are right - for those of us with an eating issue it NEVER completely goes away. I'm almost 6 years into my journey and it can still reach out and grab me!! But it IS easier than it was 4 years ago so there is hope!! And the good news? Its SO worth the effort!! Hugs, Marilyn emoticon emoticon

    ETA: Not only do I love reading your blogs, I also enjoy reading the comments you get. And Phoenix is right too - two days out of a month will only be a TKO is you beat yourself up - you are doing exactly the right thing in NOT doing that!!
    1470 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/14/2014 10:38:32 AM
  • SPARKLE883
    This time of year is really hard for me with PMS is always worse in winter, and this winter has been CRAZY. I specifically crave sugar really frequently, and have found that if I allow myself to eat a small amount of chocolate every now and then, the cravings don't get so overpowering. If I let them go, however, I soon find myself wanting to buy an entire box of cupcakes and eating all of them :) At any rate, if you're doing well with your food intake most of each month, a couple of bad days won't absolutely derail you unless you beat yourself up about it - but I totally get your frustration!
    1470 days ago
    I feel like this binge monster is really going around right now! I have been struggling with everything this week, getting up early, exercising at all, taking my vitamins, staying in my calorie range, everything! I am trying to pick up the pieces and move on. Thank you for always being so open and honest in your blogs. And always seeming to be in the same spot as me at the right time! I need a veteran experience to pull me up sometimes! emoticon
    1470 days ago
    So many of the things in this blog hit home with me.

    Binge eating reminds me of when I quit smoking years ago. It was so hard and I was amazed after I made it to my 1 year anniversary that I had actually overcome smoking, but I also came to realize that I will never, ever be able to have another cigarette again or it will be the downfall of me. That is how addictive that behavior is for me.

    I think that unhealthy eating may be the same kind of situation for me. Even when I get to my goal weight I think I will always have to be on guard.

    1470 days ago
    You are strong!! Push through!! One of the tricks I have been trying to defeat the binge monster, when I feel like just pigging out and throwing caution to the wind, I let myself go ahead and binge and have what I want under one condition. I must sit at the dining room table to eat it with NO distractions and write out my feelings at the moment. This has come in very handy. Usually I don't want to sit alone with my thoughts so I just bypass the binge.
    1470 days ago
  • MALAMI518
    I've had a couple of days like that recently, and I need to get tough with myself again. I'm looking forward to streaking with you and getting myself completely back on track.

    emoticon emoticon
    1470 days ago
  • ADF1981
    Hang in there! Maybe try having higher calorie range during that time of the month would help? Just some food for thought. I usually have a day or two of feeling like a bottomless pitt when it's that time of the month too and it makes staying on track so hard. I'm still thinking about what I want to work on for the next 14 day streak goal. I did pretty well with my vitamin on the last one!
    1470 days ago
    1470 days ago
  • CAT125
    There might be a food that sets you off. Look at what you ate the day could even be something you think is a healthy food!

    It happens..........
    1470 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    Sometimes all it takes is that first bite!! Hormones never help the situation! You have thought it through well so maybe the binge monster will stop stocking you so closely. emoticon
    1470 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    Keep Pushing!!! You Can Do It!!! Keep Pushing Forward!!! You Will Make It!!! WTG!!! God Blessings Always!!!
    1470 days ago
  • CANDLES-73
    emoticon Another awesome blog! I've been thinking of what I'm going to commit to this month too, emoticon !!!
    1470 days ago
    I know I've mentioned before that I am not an emotional eater, but one day a month, every single month, I am ravenous. It's funny, I always forget about it. But then the day will come and I'm like, "omg, I'm starving. I usually give in to it. Because it will consume my thoughts if I don't. I try not to go crazy, but I find that I constantly have the munchies. I'll crab a handful of pretzels, little while later, a granola bar, then maybe some crackers or some cereal. Luckily, as my kids would say, there's nothing good in this house to eat! So I can only go so crazy. And I am too lazy to get in a car and buy something good. When it's happening I'm saying to myself, "why am I so hungry? what's wrong with me?" I always forget that it's PMS. It only lasts one day, thank goodness. The next day it is gone as mysteriously as it came. Then comes the cramps and I'm like, "oh yeah, that's why I was hungry last night." DUH!!! What can I say, I don't catch on very fast!

    Well, what's good is you are aware of what you are doing. And like you said, if you do binge (which you shouldn't even call it that anymore) you don't go crazy either. You've got this, girlie!! Now, do you think it's fair of poor Dracula to be portrayed as the Binge Monster? I mean, he doesn't even eat, does he? He just drinks blood. And he looks trim in his tuxedo! ha ha! Now I think the devil emoticon could handle the job. Or how about the fat bald baby emoticon. Or maybe that fat thing (not sure what it is) that looks like a big chick. I know, I know, I'm losing it. It's early, I couldn't sleep. Alright, well, rise and shine. Have a good day, Steph!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1470 days ago
  • 144AUTUMN
    You can do it!!
    1470 days ago
    you are such an inspiration... we are all flawed characters trying to change. Be kind to yourself .. emoticon
    1470 days ago
    You can so get through this my friend.....

    Praying for you
    1470 days ago
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