Thursday, March 13, 2014
Several times this week I have sat down to write to each of you that left me a comment on my Week 152 blog post. But I just couldn't get myself to write anything. I realized today that the problem wasn't having nothing to write, but realizing that what I needed to write to each of you was the same thing.
Here's an analogy of how I see this situation: I got really drunk at a party and made a complete fool of myself, said things to people that I never should have. Now, the next day I need to seek out each person and issue a formal apology. But since each apology will sound the same it seems so contrite and patronizing. So the smarter thing to do would be to gather everyone and issue a formal apology to the group as a whole, heart felt and sincere.
I want to say that I read all of the comments, several times actually. I was touched by the responses to my childish outburst. From some of you relating your own troubles to show me that we are all at one time or another "in the $hit" and others that metaphorically put an arm around my shoulder and said, "let it out, you have the right to get angry".
The common thread throughout the comments was the uplifting tone. Reminding me of what I have done, how far I've come and that this is just temporary.
I can report that I do feel better, not about anything in particular because nothing in particular has changed, but feeling better overall. So thank you all so much for taking the time to comment, it does mean a lot to me, even if it takes me almost a full week to let you all know.
As for this current week, I am hopeful that I will post at least a small loss. It won't be easy though as my bad mood and "screw it" attitude carried into the early part of the week. I'm also dealing with a left shoulder that has been sitting partially dislocated since Monday morning. It's pinching a nerve and from my underarm down to my ring and pinky fingers, the lower half of my arm is in a state of tingling / 'pins & needles", not to mention the pain in the shoulder joint itself . So I'm still dealing with issues, but I'm not in such a bad mood.
Again, thank you for the kind words that have helped me straighten out my perspective a little.
p.s. Nothing can be done about the shoulder. I saw the best orthopedic surgeon in my area when it first became a problem, about 10 years ago. After dye injections, x-rays and over 1,000 pictures taken in an MRI machine, the surgeon found that he couldn't fix the problems without potentially causing a more serious problem. The ligaments that hold the humerus bone in the socket are torn both anterior and posterior (front and back). The surgeon informed me that both sets of ligaments would have to be cut, cleaned up then re sewn. The problem is that if it doesn't come out perfect, the shoulder will dislocate completely to whichever side has the tightest ligaments. Fun stuff.