A Moment of Truth
Thursday, March 13, 2014
As many of you know last year I had a major set back. I was down under 200 lbs for the first time in probably 15 or so years. I felt great, I looked great and I had fantastically normal blood work results and blood pressure. I was full of energy and highly motivated to continue being a healthier me.
Then comes the trouble. You see when I was 19 years old *1996* I was raped. I got pregnant. I gave that baby girl up for adoption because at the time I had a 5 month old son that I was trying to raise, living with my parents, my father was dying of cancer. Shortly after she was born , I fell down a flight of stairs *1997* and landed on my knee. I was too poor and stubborn to go to a doctor. That injury progressively got worse until I could no longer walk and required surgical intervention *2008*. In the meantime I gained weight steadily over the years. I was up to 260 lbs at one time in 2011.
So fast forward to 2013. In May I was weighing in at 195 lbs. I met my daughter for the first time. Her adoptive parents brought her down to Florida to meet me and my family, including my son. It went fairly well, although there were some traumatic issues of her wanting to and meeting her "father" and it brought back all the old nightmares. Many nights of my husband holding me and soothing me after I woke up screaming followed. But we had a dream vacation planned, a week in Seattle followed by a week on a cruise in Alaska. So I focused on that. That was an awesome trip, until I fell down steps on the dance floor and landed on my knee again and broke it. So as you may have noticed I was feeling like my life had hit rewind, like some kind of Groundhogs Day where I was reliving the most traumatic events of my life. (Also, instead of my father dying, it was my grandmother, the other blood relative in my life who I was dearly close to and was always looking out for me)
I tried to fight through the blows. I said I wouldn't let it defeat me. I said that I didn't handle it all well the first time, but I'm older now, more mature, I did it once and I can do it again. But now here we are March 13, 2014. I had my second knee surgery August 16, 2013. Even though my knee is mostly fine for walking and exercising, I haven't been. I allowed myself to get lazy and depressed. I am back up to, currently 235.8 lbs. The good news is that on January 2, 2014 I was at 235.0 lbs so I haven't really lost any more ground this year. I've found a place where I can hold steady. Which is actually not so bad since we've been eating out a LOT.
February 1-2, 2014 my husband and I took a beginner's motorcycle course together. He turned 50 this year, even though he didn't have a birthday (Feb 29, leap year baby). He used to ride motorcycles 20+ years ago and has been wanting one for the 17 years we've been together. After all he's done for me and been through for me, I am so happy that we are able to fulfill his wish. We both passed the course and 2 days later purchased 2 used motorcycles, his and hers bikes.
So now I have motivation to lose weight again. It's difficult for me to get on the back of his motorcycle, because I am out of shape, but I enjoy it so much, so I need to work out to regain my flexibility in my legs. Also my back gets tired and hurts after about an hour of riding. I know that if I am in better shape and strengthen my core, I can do more. I want to wear my smaller jeans again too and look better. It's also easier to manage the bikes when you weigh less. They just handle better with less weight on them.
Today is the start of a new Biggest Loser challenge. It's our spring challenge time and I know that if I stay active on the team, and do all the challenges that I will lose weight. So here's to a fresh start, a new beginning, and a new challenge. Go Team Emerald!
Today IS the first day of the rest of my life.