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Old people's jokes!!!!


Wednesday, March 12, 2014






Scotch with two drops of water

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'
The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me. 'As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a
drink, too. 'The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up,' says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity.
Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'


'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
And make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you
on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy
and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going braless
Pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
Just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by
the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means
you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means
you find your car
in the parking lot.

'OLD'IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means
not getting up
to use the bathroom.

AND
'OLD' IS WHEN....
You are not sure these are jokes.









emoticon Mary Anne
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
HEALTHYNEWPAIGE 3/15/2014 2:47PM

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IMEMINE1 3/14/2014 8:06PM

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CHACHAOREO 3/13/2014 7:14PM

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CATLADY52 3/13/2014 6:18PM

    Love them 'oldies'! emoticon

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FALLENSHORT2013 3/13/2014 12:14PM

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KITT52 3/13/2014 11:28AM

    very funny

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 3/13/2014 8:56AM

    There is nothing like OLD jokes about OLD folks for OLDsters to read and chuckle that is my friends to a "T"... luckily I am not THAT old.

Ah, but I am. Guess that makes me lucky. So many never made it this far, some by a very long while. So sad. An interesting storm. I am wondering how many times one flake or clump of flakes can go through the cycle of floating down and about, land, then be picked back up by the wind and float down and about.... I swear I have seen the same clumps of flakes go by my window for the past 15 minutes. Maybe they are all just starting to look alike. Ya, think?

Hope this storm is missing you.. YOU have already had more than your fair share of winter storms. Take care, Keep COMFY. Hugs, Audra

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DOROTHYBERO 3/13/2014 8:38AM

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SOPHIEDO13 3/13/2014 4:47AM

    Funny ... But oh my (some are close to true ).

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ARTJAC 3/13/2014 4:18AM

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NEW-CAZ 3/13/2014 3:38AM

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NAYPOOIE 3/13/2014 1:09AM

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PHOENIX1949 3/12/2014 11:37PM

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LIVINGFREE19 3/12/2014 10:42PM

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GINIEMIE 3/12/2014 9:39PM

    Love it, I'm with the person said maybe "I should go braless."
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MOCNVW23 3/12/2014 9:27PM

    emoticon emoticon OMG I love these thank you for sharing. I needed this therapy.

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EABL81 3/12/2014 8:42PM

    If that's true, I think I'll be going braless!

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LIVE_AMAZINGLY 3/12/2014 8:39PM

    OMG! I'm gettin' OLD!!!
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1CRAZYDOG 3/12/2014 8:33PM

    OMG YEAH!!! Finding the car in the parking lot . . . that's always a hallelujah celebration! LOL

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MARIWELL 3/12/2014 8:31PM

    These are so true. Hilarious! emoticon

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LOUIE-LILY 3/12/2014 8:19PM

    You've got me giggling emoticon

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0309COOKIE 3/12/2014 8:13PM

    Very funny blog!

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