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Daddy, Food, Gain and Thank you

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Wednesday, March 12, 2014


My Daddy - Hunter Thomas


Where do I start?....My Daddy is gone. He left this world at 11:45 am on Monday the 10th of March 2014. His service will be Saturday the 15th as he wanted to be cremated and that takes a couple of days and it can’t be done till we get the death certificate and that takes a couple of days too. The support I have received has been phenomenal. You Spark folks are simply the best. I’ve gotten so many goodies and condolences and thinking of you notes that it has really helped me through this. I wish I could respond to each individually but I’m just not up to that yet. Know that I am reading them all and every single note means a huge deal to me. Thank you ALL so much for caring about me and my family. I hope to be back in the Spark world very soon.

Next – well – what’s one of the things that goes along with a good ole southern grieving family time (probably everywhere really) well – it’s food…people don’t know how to help and they really want to…so they bring food…lots and lots and LOTS of food. Lots of really good food that I don’t usually eat….and I am not supposed to eat with my diabetes…like pies and cookies and cakes and on and on and on…..Well, I’ve been eating it the last few days and I’ve gained a ton – 9 pounds – A little of it may be water weight but most of it is good old fashion fat. And I really paid for it today – my sugar skyrocketed to over twice my normal reading…I got so dizzy and felt so ill that I won’t be eating like that again…I gave most of the food to my mother in law – I kept some chicken and some luncheon meat trays but will not be eating any more of what ran my sugar so high and piled on so much weight. I have been exercising a little, not much, but a little…I hope to get back in to the swing of that soon too. It’s hard for me to see that I have gained so much weight so fast. I don’t want to let anyone down. I just lost control over the last 50 some hours. I am only human and I reverted to my old comfort foods the last night I spent with Daddy in the nursing home. And also when he died the nursing home brought in a tray of food for those of us that were there…cookies and brownies! The thing is – it really wasn’t comforting…it was depressing. I knew as I was eating it what I was doing to myself and my health and I hated myself for it. The same feeling came over me today as I was eating the food that my neighbors had brought. I kept thinking “why am I doing this…it is not helping me to feel any better”…then I got terribly sick from it because it ran my sugar so high! I have learned my lesson…I simply can NOT deviate that far from my plan, my body simply can’t handle it anymore. At least I have learned that so called comfort food doesn’t really comfort me anymore…took me three days to figure it out, but at least I stopped before a huge amount of damage was done. I will lose the weight soon and be back to my old self…I must do this for myself, I have come too far to let go now.

So I do not believe in “restarting” only in continuing, I hit a bump in the road but it was the biggest bump I’ve ever had to deal with. I have had my fall and now I have gotten back up and am continuing on my journey to a healthier weight and life in general. It will be another short while before I am up to Sparking on as much of a schedule as I used to but I will be back soon, in the meantime, I am logging in every day and reading all my messages, and if any of my teams or friends needs me just give me a yell on Spark mail…I check that several times a day.

Thanks and BIG HUGS to you all
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TODDERICKV 9/16/2014 9:54PM

    So sorry for your loss. :(

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RADOOGA 9/3/2014 5:31AM

    Ahh lovely lady, I have just read your sad blog. I lost my mum in January, after nursing her through cancer. It has left an enormous hole in my life, we were very close. I hope that you have had the love and support you need to deal with your grief. You obviously have a strong faith too, I hope you have found comfort in that. My thoughts are with you. x x

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TERRIJ7 7/2/2014 12:03AM

    I hope that you are doing better now. I'm sure you still miss him, but he would want you to be healthy!

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GRAMPIAN 6/9/2014 6:04AM

  I admire your spirit.

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AMANDANCES 5/15/2014 12:06PM

    Oh hon, I just saw this. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep you and yours in my prayers. You're a beautiful and fabulous person, and I know you will press on. HUG HUGS to you, sweetie!!

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KREBECCA75 5/10/2014 11:20AM

    Kathy, Im only just now seeing this. My condolences to you on the loss of your dad. He was a great guy that I liked. Hugs to you and I wish you all the love and comfort in this hard time. emoticon

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SNKZTN04 4/2/2014 7:08AM

    I know there isn't much any of us can do or say during this time of grief to make you feel better, but know you're in our thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself. The diet will take care of itself along the way.

Comment edited on: 4/2/2014 7:08:56 AM

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PJB145 3/26/2014 2:35AM

    God bless you and your family during this trying time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Be well.

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QUIETCHAOS1 3/25/2014 10:34PM

    Very sorry for your loss
{{{hugs}}}

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MSLADYBUG3 3/21/2014 10:23PM

    So sorry for the loss of your dear father. May Peace be with you!

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KIN59VARA 3/20/2014 2:56PM

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Our fathers are so much a part of who we are. I cried reading your blog. My father also passed away March 10 but in 2011. There are so many days that I talk to him. I hope that his memories continue to bless you.

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LISASGONNADOIT 3/20/2014 12:41PM

    So sorry for the loss of your dad! What a sad and difficult time. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. A day at a time and a step at a time. Your dad is so handsome and looks like a sweetie. Hugs! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GSEATON 3/20/2014 11:08AM

    Kathy, thinking of you during this terribly sad time. Hugs.

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BUCKEYEMOM9 3/20/2014 10:55AM

  I am so very sorry for your loss. My dad died suddenly seven years ago and since then I gained 50 pounds trying to fill the void and deal with the pain and the challenge of helping my mom who has Alzheimer's. Please do not make my mistake and turn to food for comfort. Your dad wants you to be healthy not overweight, sick, or depressed. Remember that food should nourish you not destroy you and that your dad is an angel watching over you to help you regain your health. emoticon

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SUPERDAD55 3/20/2014 6:27AM

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Time heals all wounds.
Remember the good times.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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-JAMES- 3/20/2014 2:06AM

    Words can't say it. You have my deepest sympathy.

James

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RUNNINGYOGINIRE 3/18/2014 3:28PM

  Sorry for your loss.

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WHITNEYTEACHER 3/18/2014 7:58AM

    My thoughts are with you emoticon

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ROXYCARIN 3/18/2014 1:02AM

  Sorry for your loss

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AMANDACOETZER 3/17/2014 9:44AM

    emoticon

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-JAMES- 3/17/2014 1:46AM

    Wow!

I knew you've been quiet on the Spark teams, but I didn't read your personal blog until now.

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

James

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DAWNFIRE72 3/16/2014 11:55PM

    So sorry to hear of the loss of your father. I am glad to hear that you realized that food was not going to comfort you. Please take care of yourself during this difficult time. emoticon

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BRIALLA 3/16/2014 3:23PM

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. I remember what it was like when I lost mine - it will get better

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LIVINTODAY 3/16/2014 2:03PM

    Kathy, your Daddy will always be with you and I say that with experience since it is 20 years since I lost my Daddy. Go forward knowing that he was proud of the effort you are making to be healthy. Go forward knowing that you loved him and he knew it, knowing that you couldn't have done more, and knowing that he will continue with you on your journey to better health.

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PEGGY11 3/16/2014 11:59AM

    His physical body is not with you any more, but I know that his spiritual body is with you. emoticon After my dad died I would often feel his chin on my shoulder like he used to do when he came to visit emoticon . It has been over 45 years now and since I am much more contented these days he does not seem to feel I need his presence as much. emoticon But he is ever at the ready when I do need him. emoticon Your dad is with you still too. emoticon

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COLLEENROSTE 3/15/2014 11:11PM

    Kathy, so sorry for your loss. You will always hold your daddy in a special part of your heart. So many emotions in a short space of time... Taking care of details, family, and your own health. Keep making your healthiest choice in the moment. Things will settle down in time. Praying peace and comfort to wrap around you today.. emoticon
Colleen

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SCOTMAMA 3/15/2014 11:00PM

    I know it's not much consolation, but your Daddy is now in a better place, where there is no pain, and no chemo. It is the people who are left behind that are in pain from mourning over a loved one who has passed.

You are strong, you've demonstrated it to us daily -- it will be good to see you back on our posts.

Love & Prayers, Eve

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MINDYJ1 3/15/2014 7:35PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DIANNEMT 3/15/2014 4:13PM

    So sorry for your loss. You have already learned to take care of yourself. I'm sure your daddy was proud of your accomplishments!

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LADYSTARWIND 3/15/2014 4:08PM

    emoticon From an old poem I have known and loved:

"Man, fulfilled of all he has taken of Life from Dawn until Dusk,
serenely folds his robes about him.
The Morning Star will shine again,
But Man will greet the new day in Eternity."

In memory of our parents, who have gone before us....
All the Best,
patti



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REDSPIRALWOMAN 3/15/2014 11:33AM

    Such a hard time, such a hard loss. And yes, you've joined in the way many families mark these hard times. But at the very same time, there is that 'spark' that let's you see things, that helped you find time to share, right here with your Spark Friends and reminds you that as you said, you won't be restarting, you find the next step on your journey and continue. You ABSOLUTELY will. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRLTAZ 3/15/2014 10:51AM

    Kathy you are doing the best you can. I cried for several days when my dad died and I know I will be worse when mom passes as I am much closer to her. Just do what you have to do and concentrate on you the best you can. What insight just being able to recognize those feelings among all the grief. emoticon friend

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QUADCMOM 3/15/2014 8:16AM

    I'm sorry for your loss of your Daddy. Thank you for taking the time to blog to Sparkpeople friends. Through your grief you are learning to look at food differently and by your sharing, others can learn too. I'm proud of you and I have said a prayer for you and your family today. I pray that you will find piece and comfort in each other.
I like how you are "continuing your journey" not "starting over". That is how I look at my journey as well.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KMRJPR 3/15/2014 2:09AM

    I'm sorry for your loss. May you and your family know peace during this time.

Glad you recognized that in difficult times, things can go haywire and we just lose sight of things. But it's, as you said, just a bump. Things will be back to your normal routine in no time.

For now, just take care of yourself and your heart.

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KATTREE 3/15/2014 1:35AM

    emoticon I'm so sorry, its so hard to loose a loved one. just try to take it one day at a time.

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MRSRIGS1 3/14/2014 4:09PM

    Oh honey, I am so sorry for your loss. May your daddy rest in peace and may you find comfort knowing he is in a better place. You will always carry him in your heart! My prayers go out to you and your family.

Take care of you now. emoticon

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HWELSH74 3/14/2014 2:38PM

    Sincere condolences on the loss of your father. I know how hard it is to lose a parent. My father passed away at the age of 61. It has been nearly 12 years and I still miss him just as much today. Praying for strength for you as you lay your father to rest tomorrow.

Hugs
Heather

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NASFKAB 3/14/2014 11:30AM

  am so sorry my deepest condolence so hard to lose a parent may he rest in peace

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CORNERKICK 3/14/2014 1:59AM

  emoticon

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BLUEJEAN99 3/14/2014 1:39AM

    emoticon

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LIVELYGIRL2 3/14/2014 12:33AM

  I'm sorry that you lost your beloved Dad. It's hard losing a family member.

Probably after the service and sometime within a month, people will stop bringing emoticon emoticon mountains of food.

You know they want to do something tagible. Maybe some will help you sort things eventually , or do some other act of service, which will be more helpful right now... Of course depending on the weather.. soup or sandwiches keep one nourished, without so much damage.

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ROCKYCPA 3/13/2014 11:08PM

    So sorry for your loss!

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MARYJEANSL 3/13/2014 11:05PM

  Please accept my sympathy at the loss of your beloved father. May your memories be a blessing.

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JSEATTLE 3/13/2014 9:50PM

  I am so sorry for your great loss. No one will ever replace Dear Dad and no food will ever replace him either. But you have your memories and you are so on the right track! Blessings to you.

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ACHANSO 3/13/2014 9:15PM

    I'm sorry for your loss.
You're definitely not alone: I also stress eat, only to realize later that the food that I thought "in the moment" would comfort me, only stressed me out more because then I also had the food guilt on top of my original stress

But you are right: you will be able to loose the weight, much of it was probably water weight, and in the grand scheme of things, it was only a couple of days. You've got this! You can do it!! :)

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NEWTINK 3/13/2014 5:50PM

    I am so sorry sweetie emoticon You take the time you need and heal then worry with the rest.

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2HAMSDIET 3/13/2014 4:22PM

    emoticon

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MIMIDOT 3/13/2014 3:38PM

    Sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad. He looks like a real good guy in the picture. I'm sure you'll miss him a lot. But keep on and keep your faith. Bless you!

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NONNAOF2 3/13/2014 2:48PM

  Kathy,
It is a difficult time in losing a parent, we are never prepared for when it happens. Do not beat up on yourself, things happen and then we somehow learn to move on. It is now time for you to take care of yourself and get back on track, especially with your diabetes. I'm sure that your father was proud of you and the efforts you have done to better your health. My thoughts are prayers are with you!

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JUSGETTENBY42 3/13/2014 2:18PM

    emoticon

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