Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Yesterday was very, very bad food-wise. I know I'm not supposed to use judgemental words like that. I should say that I made many less-than-healthy choices. And that would be true.
But it was also very bad.
I was already past the 4,000 calorie mark when I realized that it was the 18-month anniversary of the day I joined SparkPeople.
I paused. I double-checked my dates, counting the months. I thought that it was noteworthy that I was eating more than I can ever recall eating in one day before or since joining SparkPeople on my anniversary date.
Then I ate another candy bar.
At 7:53 PM I told myself I had until 8:00 to figure out if there was anything else I wanted, because it was time to stop.
I didn't eat anything else.
I deleted from my tracker everything I had tracked before dinner. This morning I did my best to put it all back on my tracker, even though I wasn't sure I wanted to. I don't really want to look at it again.
I thought through what I should do today. Should I give myself one more day to eat with abandon? Should I stay on program but not track? (Ha!) Should I get back on program but remember to be gentle with myself? Yes. I think that is the answer.
There were some bright spots yesterday. I had three conversations with different people that were each exactly what I needed, when I needed them. Those were gifts and helped me begin to get back to where I need to be.
Edited to add:
This was not just one day. It was the worst of a few bad days that started last Friday.
Also, I broke my commitment to myself to give up red meat for Lent. But I'm letting it go. Now is not the time to add extra challenges when I am struggling just to eat reasonably.