80,000-99,999 SparkPoints 81,358

18 months

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Yesterday was very, very bad food-wise. I know I'm not supposed to use judgemental words like that. I should say that I made many less-than-healthy choices. And that would be true.

But it was also very bad.

I was already past the 4,000 calorie mark when I realized that it was the 18-month anniversary of the day I joined SparkPeople.

I paused. I double-checked my dates, counting the months. I thought that it was noteworthy that I was eating more than I can ever recall eating in one day before or since joining SparkPeople on my anniversary date.

Then I ate another candy bar.

At 7:53 PM I told myself I had until 8:00 to figure out if there was anything else I wanted, because it was time to stop.

I didn't eat anything else.

I deleted from my tracker everything I had tracked before dinner. This morning I did my best to put it all back on my tracker, even though I wasn't sure I wanted to. I don't really want to look at it again.

I thought through what I should do today. Should I give myself one more day to eat with abandon? Should I stay on program but not track? (Ha!) Should I get back on program but remember to be gentle with myself? Yes. I think that is the answer.

There were some bright spots yesterday. I had three conversations with different people that were each exactly what I needed, when I needed them. Those were gifts and helped me begin to get back to where I need to be.

Edited to add:
This was not just one day. It was the worst of a few bad days that started last Friday.
Also, I broke my commitment to myself to give up red meat for Lent. But I'm letting it go. Now is not the time to add extra challenges when I am struggling just to eat reasonably.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    you must keep going easy on your self. That is the tough part for me. I am pretty positive you will stay on track now. and it prob was for the best to give up the lent idea. Maybe next yr!
    1346 days ago
    I hear you.

    I think it's wise to give up your plans of giving up red meat. Maybe you can set a small simple goal with regard to, say, not eating for x hours after a meal, for just one week or three days?

    1346 days ago

    I hear the struggle. Love you, honey.
    1348 days ago
    Being gentle with yourself is a good choice and will make it easier for you to get back on track. One day at a time.

    emoticon emoticon
    1348 days ago
    I am glad you're being gentle with yourself while getting back on program. I have faith in you. You had a "pause" and now you're pressing play again.

    1348 days ago
    OK, if I had come here first I'd have more to say, but reading
    4EVERADONEGIRL's comment, anything I say now will just sound stupid and trite.

    Hey, but that has never stopped me before. So ... emoticon

    OK, just kidding. I think you know how to handle a few bad days and that you won't allow them to bring you down (or UP, as the case may be), but I do have a question for you concerning maintenance and how to handle it once we get there - Do you have a number in mind, like a limit on pounds that you will allow yourself to gain before restricting your calories to a pre-maintenance level? I am not at maintenance yet but have been thinking about how do we transition into eating more than we allow now without getting too carried away. Of course, I know that there will be times when getting carried away is understandable and has to be accepted as part of normal life, but figured we might need to put a ceiling cap on it. I was thinking that I would have an allowance of a couple pounds up or down - but that would be it.

    Well, I hope today you are back in 'reasonable eating' mode, but if not, I like the idea of being gentle with yourself until you do get there.

    1348 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/13/2014 10:04:46 PM
    You know, Stephanie, I have to say that one of the best *side effects* of your healthy journey has been seeing you be able to treat yourself with gentleness and kindness in a different way! I think you have come so ridiculously far in this journey, but times like this also reinforce that there really isn't a "destination" and there never will be...it is just a different road with a different view and you are learning to navigate this new road. Will there be bumps and detours along the way? Yes, but just like when a road is having construction it is so that it can get better and you're no different!! Just think of yesterday, or the past couple of days, as repaving and now you are looking at a new stretch of road to travel on...make the most out of TODAY. :-)
    1348 days ago
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