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    PIXIE-LICIOUS   128,211
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Tuesday, March 11, 2014



Today is day one of my current streak.

As I had blogged about previously, I have gained back 31 of the 71 lbs I'd lost, and naturally my clothes have gotten really tight on me. I hate that feeling of being squashed into what I'm wearing and seeing all the "extra bits" poking out. I'm all about loving yourself no matter what you look like, but the truth is...its hard for me to love myself right now. I look in the mirror and its embarrassing to see how I look in my tight clothes. These clothes fit me perfectly just a couple of months ago!


Yesterday I had to go to the store, so I got dressed in the loosest of my tight clothes (and even they were way too tight) and then put on a long sweater to "hide" in. I felt so lumpy and frumpy, I just wanted to disappear, so I did what I always do when I feel shy or insecure....I pulled my hair into a ponytail and slapped on a baseball cap. No makeup. I just wanted to get to the store and do my shopping, and get home before anyone I know saw me!

As I was shopping, I started thinking of how close we are to Spring, and warmer weather. And then I realized that soon, I won't be able to wear a coat or a sweater to hide the fact that my clothes are too tight! Yikes!

For a moment, I thought that perhaps I ought to go to Goodwill or Walmart, and buy a few things in my new larger size. Just a couple of t shirts and pairs of pants to "tide me over" until I lost the weight. It seemed like a reasonable idea. But then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was NOT so reasonable!

I have lost significant amounts of weight a couple of times in the past, only to start gaining some of it back, and slowly slipping into larger (and larger) sized clothes. And then I would ultimately gain back every pound that I'd lost, plus more. For me, buying larger clothes was always the first step towards giving up on myself. Having those larger clothes made it easier to just go ahead and gain the weight back.



So for now, I'm not going to buy larger clothes. Instead, I'm going to start working hard to start losing weight again, so that the clothes I have now will fit again! I know me....and I know that I can do this. I know that I MUST do it..otherwise, I'm going to look pretty silly when the weather is warm, and I'm wearing jackets and sweaters to try to hide under! Yeah, thats a pretty good reason to stay on track.



And I'm going to work on loving myself, even in my too tight clothes. Because no matter what size I am or how I look...overweight or healthy weight....I am always going to be me. I will love myself and my body, because this is the body that is going to do the work and carry me to my goal size.



**In memory of Little_Queen. I miss you, sis!**
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LORIVIOLA 6/23/2014 11:11AM

    thank you for posting this. it makes a lot of sense. and yes, you would look silly wearing coats and sweaters in warm weather! emoticon i like the logic behind that image. it's motivating. emoticon

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GRAMPIAN 6/8/2014 5:14AM

  You have the right attitude. emoticon

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MAYBER 4/3/2014 12:44AM

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts am too on my way to gaining weight back
You are an inspiration
God Bless one day at a time love prayers peace
Bernice
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SASSYTHING52 3/27/2014 6:40PM

    emoticon ill always love and respect you

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LEANMEAN2 3/26/2014 5:57AM

    Thanks for sharing. I began an exercise streak this week.

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KATHCART 3/25/2014 1:11PM

    Thank you for sharing this! It was very encouraging for me at a time when I need it. Good luck! I love your positive attitude.

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SINCERELY4ME1O0 3/21/2014 1:12PM

    emoticon for sharing. I can definitely relate to the clothes feeling tight and then giving up. I love how you decided not to buy bigger clothes, but to work on feeling good in the clothes that you have. Inspiring!

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NASFKAB 3/21/2014 7:03AM

  NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF

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ANDYLIN90 3/21/2014 5:25AM

    I know you won't quit...but this poem has been an inspiration for me when I've struggled. I don't know who the author is; I got it from a weight watcher leader. Hope it helps you too. I especially like the lines:

To stumble and fall is not a disgrace
if you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler, when losing their grip,
just throws in the towel and continues to slip.
And learns too late when the damage is done
that the race wasn't over, they still could have won.



JUST DON'T QUIT

When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,
and you feel like the biggest failure in town.
When you want to give up just because you gave in
and forget all about being healthy and thin.

SO WHAT! You went over your points a bit.
It's your next move that counts, So don't
you quit!
It's a moment of truth, it's an attitude change.
It's learning the skills to get back in your range.
It's telling yourself, You've done great up till now,
you can take on this challenge and beat it somehow.

It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal.
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.
To stumble and fall is not a disgrace
if you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler, when losing their grip,
just throws in the towel and continues to slip.
And learns too late when the damage is done
that the race wasn't over, they still could have won.

Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,
but facing each challenge will help you grow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.
When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit.
If you bite it, you write it, BUT DON'T YOU QUIT!


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GINGERGAL12 3/20/2014 9:38PM

  I think you should buy a couple of items that are in a color or style that makes you feel good. You need to be able to go out and be comfortable as well as look nice. You can by all means rededicate your healthy lifestyle activities but to wear tight clothes in the meantime could prove counterproductive in my opinion.
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HAZELFRUIT 3/20/2014 12:04PM

    You can do it! I totally get where you're coming from, but I'd like to offer a different perspective for your consideration: For me, forcing myself into tight clothes is punishment. For me, buying a few temporary items (which will go back to Goodwill soon) that make me feel like I look OK, and don't have to hide in my house -- that is loving kindness.

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PURPLEPEONY 3/20/2014 9:45AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUPERDAD55 3/20/2014 6:08AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRANNY2B2 3/19/2014 7:45PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JLLOVETT 3/19/2014 12:26PM

    After having "fallen off the wagon" my self - this is truly inspiring!
Thanks, Pixie!!!
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COTTONTAIL62 3/18/2014 10:12AM

    Hi Pixie, it has been awhile, I completely understand, i was really in a good place a year ago, mindset was right, exercise equipment at home, making great strides until a knee problem developed which totally derailed me b/c of the pain, then my first kidney stone attack happened, followed by a long snowy cold winter, needless to say I have put back on what I lost. Thus my closet is filled with a variety of size ranges, it is my very favorites I continue to look at wishing they would fit, the ones I bought when I lost the weight and felt good, why do I keep wishing I could wear then again, instead I fall into the same mindset that caught me here. emoticon

I am not giving up, I am very much looking toward Spring, seeing a knee specialist for guidance in the summer, that's when medicare will kick in and I can do what needs to be done without it costing me a fortunate. It is sad to think I have to think that way. In the meantime I am going to get back on track to lose pounds which I know will help the knee in the best way I can. I know any success I find will be found in my head. So Pixie, no you are not alone in this daily stride to never give up.Positive Vibes your way.

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AMANDACOETZER 3/17/2014 9:36AM

    emoticon

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IMEMINE1 3/17/2014 5:22AM

    m emoticon mmm emoticon

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GOAL_IS_170 3/16/2014 11:33AM

    I've gotten rid of some clothes but so scared to get rid of them all.I get down to 198 and it seems I immediately give up and gain 20 back..Best of luck

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TAFODIL24 3/16/2014 7:50AM

    You are an inspiration! emoticon

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KIPPER15 3/15/2014 9:27PM

    emoticon Thanks for an inspiring blog!!

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ATORR17 3/15/2014 4:36PM

  that was the same thing with my clothes I just want to buy new ones sometimes.. so I did something / tries something different ... I bought pants sizes that buttoned but were still small I had them right on my kitchen door lol may seem silly but it gets ne thinking of what im going to eat and working out I am going to fit into them nicely just as you will your that's how i motivated myself try something out of the ordinary and keep it up you are beautiful inside and out i know that you know that and w all know that just sometimes its our mind that needs convincing ^_^



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FALLNTENN 3/15/2014 2:03PM

    This blog was very inspiring for me. I lost my motivation to exercise and track my food back in November. Today I woke up thinking it is time to get back on track. So I logged into Spark and started reading blogs for motivation. Thank you for sharing.
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ARCHIEMITCHELL 3/15/2014 12:07PM

    Pixie_L, you have given us all an inspiring message. emoticon This is a problem many of us have experienced! emoticon . Maintenance!
All my best iwishes to your next success. I admire your courage in taking responsibility for your set-back and helping others along the rocky road to weight loss as well.


Comment edited on: 3/15/2014 12:10:18 PM

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SUPERSYLPH 3/14/2014 9:55PM

    emoticon

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MAMA_CD 3/14/2014 6:21PM

    I understand clothes getting tighter, it's discouraging but a wake-up moment. The choice now is one way or another (higher, or lose the weight). I'm so glad you've made the right choice emoticon emoticon Spring is Coming, and you'll look and feel great.

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MRSRIGS1 3/14/2014 3:51PM

    You can do this! You've already realized something that you've learned along this journey. You said you stopped yourself from buying larger clothes because you knew if you did, you'd give up what you had accomplished thus far. That's BIG! HUGE! I think that 'A-HA' moment deserves a reward! Good for you! emoticon

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MRSTAZMAYO 3/14/2014 5:14AM

    You can ... you will ... do this. We are all here with you, and I am cheering you on!

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ROXYCARIN 3/14/2014 1:03AM

  emoticon

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JOANOFSPARK 3/14/2014 12:27AM

    emoticon emoticon You are emoticon and emoticon

emoticon emoticon

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RENATA144 3/13/2014 11:59PM

  Keep pressing forward

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CLAYARTIST 3/13/2014 11:34PM

  emoticon

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CHRISTINEBWD 3/13/2014 11:22PM

    I am rooting for you and I wish you all the best in your journey!

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CTICKET 3/13/2014 10:14PM

    emoticon

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CICELY360 3/13/2014 8:25PM

  Good blog

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ACHANSO 3/13/2014 7:47PM

    Good post Pixie!

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GRLTAZ 3/13/2014 7:22PM

    Pixie, such great advice here but you really do not need that do you ? Have you really looked inside ? What is going on ? Are you hungry angry lonely tired ? Is lazy ego talking in your ear too much ? Do you have cabin fever like the rest of us ? You know what to do and I have the utmost faith in you. You are going to do this, you are doing this just by blogging. Do you need exercise challenges ? Just some thoughts to get you thinking. We do not give up or give in for no reason. Are you tracking ? I am glad you did not buy bigger clothes. The weather is getting better. get into the sunshine and honor your friend little queen by walking your hiney off. talk to her, she hears you and is in your heart. Get going girl ! I am right behind you ! TC

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MSROZZIE 3/13/2014 6:14PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOOD1962 3/13/2014 6:05PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CHEBBA 3/13/2014 5:42PM

    There's an army of us like this, isn't there?

I fell off the SP wagon only 24lbs into a 60lb project, and put all the weight I'd lost back on, plus a bit more. THIS time I decided to work on my mind almost more than my body, because that's where the weight problem lies - it just manifests itself on the bit between the neck and the ankles!

Things are going well even though the scales are slow - but, with all the support, insights, guidance and experiences of my Friends and countless others in SP, I've hit on one incontrovertible realisation which is carrying me on and has completely resonated with me - IT'S ONLY FOOD! If I don't have x, y or z, I'm not going to die, be consumed by zombies, abducted by aliens or any other horrible event. I'm going to be able to carry on breathing, I will even wake up the next day and find that, goodness gracious, it's STILL 'only food'! For the first time ever I'm able to contemplate parting with my bigger sized clothes without feeling I may need them again if/when I fail. Throughout grieving and two illnesses already this year, I've not wavered. I am not going to fail. But, here's the reality…..

If, if, IF something goes wrong and I've parted with those bigger clothes - guess what? They were only clothes. It won't be a disaster. I can either buy some bigger ones OR kick my own butt and do what you are doing… love me for myself and get right back in the saddle and back into the smaller clothes. I have that choice!

It's only food, people!

Thanks Pixie - sensible as ever!

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ASHLEYGALLAHER 3/13/2014 5:05PM

  I must say that this post brought me to tears. This just really motivated me to get back on track. I keep telling myself that I'm smaller than I've been in years and I'm getting compliments about the weight I've already lost. So, I lie to myself and tell myself that I'm happy here. But, then I look in the mirror and really see me and I can't even face it because truth is... I'm not happy with what I see. I'm not satisfied. It's easier to make excuses and go back and forth between eating healthy and not, but all I'm doing is maintaining a weight I'm truly not happy to be at. I grab a bowl of ice cream, eat a piece of candy, add the extra cheese, all the while thinking... ok, tomorrow I'll start fresh and as long as I don't go into the 230's again I'm ok. But, then the scale hits 235 and I do a little better for a week or so and I'm barely out of the 230's again. And then again... a piece of cake... I make myself magically believe that when I get on that scale it won't go up or if it does just a few lbs. and I'll knock them right off again. But, that's how I started and almost ended up in the 300's. I always held onto my larger clothes, just in case and the scale went up and up and up. So, when recently I've lost my motivation and my clothes have become tighter and I keep lying to myself that I'm happy here... something just told me to click on your post. I'm so glad I did. This spoke to me and was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you, thank you.

Comment edited on: 3/13/2014 5:06:29 PM

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KATESCAPE 3/13/2014 4:54PM

    Pixie: Thanks you for sharing, yet another insightful part of your journey here. Hope it helps to know your not alone...we've got your back... emoticon

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LAPERLE 3/13/2014 4:18PM

  You've taken the first step by realizing that you have to stop the weight gain. Just take one day at a time and do the best you can to exercise, even for a few minutes, and to track your nutrition. Before you know it your streak will get longer and longer and those tight clothes will fit. We are all in your corner cheering for you! emoticon

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PROPMAN1 3/13/2014 3:41PM

  You can do it!! I have faith in you. Am also looking at the fact that i've put on more weight (never lost what i had originally planned). Today, i also have on something too tight (fit a few weeks ago). Been trying to hide all day that my muffin top is bigger than before. Now with your blog i know i'm not alone and i can have faith in myself too and begin to shed this extra. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARTI1LL 3/13/2014 3:40PM

    I am so where you are right now. You can do it!

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GENRE009 3/13/2014 3:23PM

    Everyone can relate to the points you covered. I tried spark 2 years ago for three months, but afterwards went back to my bad habits. When I lose weight5, I get rid of the clothes because I intend to not visit that size again. But going up, and craving food is like vbeing an addict. it's hard to fight yourself. So now I feel more equipped to succeed. I have spark, and weight watchers to be more accountable, and learn life style changes to conquer bad habits. I still like to live in sweats, they're like P.J.'s. eva emoticon emoticon

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KACEYSW 3/13/2014 2:11PM

    Thank you for posting this!

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SUSIEMT 3/13/2014 1:02PM

    You can do this Pixie! This made me think of when I would go to a store (typically a grocery store) and I would be there only to store up on junk food and I would wonder what other people were thinking of what was in my cart. Crazy Huh!
You go girl!

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HYATTI1 3/13/2014 12:40PM

    I have gained back 5lbs of the 35 I lost...so I like you am starting over. I have faith that I can complete this and stick with it. I am on day 4 of my start over so I hope we both find a safe healthy future in our journey.

Joanna

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MAJONES1225 3/13/2014 11:54AM

    I love it, thank you

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