Monday, March 10, 2014
I received news today while at work, that my mother had had an "accident." Incontinence is typical of end stage Alzheimer's. Instant tears. Unable to stop bawling.... (love doing that at work...ugh.) My heart just breaks for her, my dad, and my whole family. It is so sad.
Well, if you read my Lent blog, you know that I gave up chocolate for Lent. (NOT easy for me, as I have at least one candybar EVERY day. True story. But, I wanted to pick something that would really be a sacrifice for me.) Well, I also happen to head towards one of two extremes when I'm super stressed or depressed. Eat nothing or eat everything. Apparently today was leaning towards the eat everything side.
I went to the lunch room and bought a candybar. I'd been good for the past 5 days. No chocolate (NOT EASY!) but today.... nope. Don't care. Well, I happen to have this "gift" (call it what you want... a spiritual gift, but a curse to human nature, lol.) God talks to me CLEARLY! (You can think I'm a nutcase all you want.... but there's no denying what I hear.)
So instantly after I have the candybar in my hands He tells me to put it back. We argued a bit, while I slowly walked back to my desk.
"You don't NEED the chocolate!"
"Um...yes I do!"
"No, Erin, you don't. You gave me your word to abstain from chocolate."
"Yes I know, But I'm mad and I need it."
On and on for a few minutes. It boiled down to me saying I didn't care what he thought, if he was going to be so cruel to my mom. (Yes, I KNOW better than to think this... but anguish makes the human brain dumb sometimes.) And I slammed the spiritual door in His face. So, I (now somewhat reluctantly) ate the whole candy bar. Now God's mad at me. I'm still mad at Him. And I never seem to learn!