Sunday, March 09, 2014
My life has been one extreme or the other lately. Things are either wonderful, or awful. This has really been an exhausting experience, and I needed to take a step back as I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed from all the stress.
I will keep this short. I FINALLY went to the grocery store and bought $200 worth of HEALTHY food so I can start Phase One of South Beach Diet. Husband is going on Phase One as well. I'm going to start taking better care of myself, and not just physically. I really, really, really neglect myself, kind of in every way possible. I've decided to really love myself, and give myself the kind of care I give to everyone else in my life. I'm tired of putting myself last...it's not exactly working out for me!
I just took a long, leisurely bath and shaved my legs. I truly cannot remember the last time I shaved my legs; it's been that long. I gave myself a mini-pedicure and mini-facial. I washed and deep conditioned my hair. I'm going to straighten up my room a bit and settle in for a night of relaxation: family time, a little Pinterest and online "window shopping." I want to start looking at clothes and shoes and jewelry. I used to be so stylish and put together, and it's been so long that I don't even really know what's "out there." As I lose this weight, I want to regain my sense of style.
I've also checked out several books from the library about grief. I've been having a very hard time coping with all the loss I've experienced the past couple of years. I've lost friends, family members died, pets have died or disappeared... I've also had a lot of family (in-law) stress for the past several months, and I need to start working on moving on (again) and remembering who I am, in spite of that stressful situation.
I plan to take better care of myself, physically. I want to make sure I do my hair and makeup every day... even if I don't feel like it. I want to make sure I look as nice as I possibly can, and not sloppy. I want to keep my eyebrows tweezed and my legs shaved. I want to exercise about 5 days per week. I can't keep putting this off. I have to stop thinking it's too late to do this. I'm not getting any younger or any thinner. Quite the opposite! I've got to get on the ball, and take very good care of myself.
For the first time in a very long time, I feel hopeful. I actually feel somewhat optimistic. I also feel bruised and battered and exhausted...but there is that tiny glimmer of possibility, and I haven't been able to say that in an incredibly long time.
With that, I'm going to go chop up some vegetables, so I will have healthy snacks this week.