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    KING_SLAYER   57,257
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50,000-59,999 SparkPoints
 
 
Wk 152 Weigh In

Saturday, March 08, 2014

*** BREAKING NEWS***

The SparkPeople user King_Slayer is a terrible role model. Unless of course you just want to use him as a bad example, someone NOT to emulate.

*** end news feed ***

Bad week, too many screw ups, not enough intestinal fortitude to do what I need to do to get back to being successful. Contrary to all of the best advice, I am beating myself up. These ridiculous weeks of gains interspersed with tiny losses is completely my fault. No one else can be blamed, no outside influence, nothing, it's all on me. And until I can get my head on straight, get my $hit together and do what I need to do, things will not change.

Weight : 223.4
Gain : 1.0
Total : 96.6

The rest of this is a rant.

I'm not a happy camper right at this time and it's not just about this stupid weigh in, which in the grand scheme of things barely even matters. What does matter about it is the fact that diet and exercise is the one thing I have full control over in my life and I can't seem to get it together and make it work. The rest of my life, well, suffice it to say that nothing in the last 15 years has gone the way that I had planned / thought / hoped. I am fed up, pissed off and so, so, so disappointed in myself that I can't see straight. Constant pain, medical conditions keep me from doing things, lots of things, let alone make it so very difficult to find a job that I can actually do. AAAAARRRRRGHGHGHGHGH I'm done writing, I don't want to look at this screen anymore.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GUNNSGIRL91303 3/16/2014 4:32PM

    Boy can I relate, in fact I just blogged about it today.

Pick yourself up and keep moving forward. You are on a road without end, there is no finish line, no deadline. Keep making healthy choices and celebrate even the smallest victories!

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MYLOVELYCURVES 3/12/2014 3:50PM

    I can relate to a lot of the things you said on this post. I remember feeling this way every day last summer. My weight/eating/working out was the only thing I seemed to have any control over and yet I found myself unable to take things under control! It can be so very frustrating. It's a good thing, though, that you're recognizing all of this and that you're not in denial. I know you can get back on track - and you will! It will make all other aspects of your life seem a little bit more tolerable as well. I know all too well it's easier said than done, but like you said, YOU have the control to change things. You have the power to make that choice. We're all rooting for you!!

Besides, it seems to me you're being too hard on yourself. You've done such a great job on yourself and you've lost so much weight already! We're all human. Life happens. Not every week is going to be easy or perfect. You just have to keep on going. And I know you will!

Comment edited on: 3/12/2014 3:52:37 PM

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CLAIREINPARIS 3/12/2014 11:51AM

    A terrible role model, a wonderful Sparkfriend who has lost 100 pounds? Well, I REALLY wish I would be that kind of role model!!! You are being too hard with yourself. You are going through a very rough time, where it is difficult to make decisions because life is difficult, and you are trying to do what you can. OK, you aren't Superman! But hey, we knew that already, so we aren't disappointed. Hang in there, friend!
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SIMONEKP 3/10/2014 1:35PM

    Sounds like a rough week but I agree with you that it is completely within your control how much and what you put in your mouth. I'm counting on you to pull it together because I know you can.

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1DERLAND14 3/9/2014 8:46PM

    I know what it feels like to have those small losses inbetween gains. It is frustrating and discouraging... but remember you have once lost 100+LBS... You have all the tools, motivation, strength and determination. A wise man once said... "sometimes we have to go back to the basics" Sending hugs your way and wishing you a better week! Keep your head up!

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NIGHTSKYSTAR 3/9/2014 1:32PM

    Lets trade for a week..then we can both shake our heads in awe at the really awful time the other is having and appreciate what we have...lol. seriously!! maybe its the moon in the 5th house of pain or something...but things have to get better!
hugs to you...

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TIME-4-TINA 3/9/2014 11:08AM

    So, just like you are honest in your blogs and status, the people responding to them should be giving honest feeback too. First of all, I am sure 90% of the people on here have some sort of self loathing. I mean, I look at myself every day and believe me, I am not thrilled with what I see. Here's honest for you, I am a jealous person. Jealous when I see people thinner than me, prettier than me, richer than me. It's one of my many faults.
In addition to weight issues a lot of us have other struggles going on. My husband hasn't worked in two years. and my job barely pays for gas each week. I don't even count it as a job. So basically we have NO income. The last ice storm we had flooded our finished basement. Very bad timing. We also have my son's college to think about. So, I have excess baggage as well. I've basically been in a 6 month plateau, but I am happy with the weight that I've lost. And you should be too. I mean you've lost twice as much as me. Which I'm, of course, jealous of. Even if you never lose another pound, you've lost like 100 lbs!!!! The average person can not do this. It's a big deal!!! It takes a strong disciplined person.
Our children need to know that they are valuable human beings just like their moms and dads. I've applied and interviewed for many jobs lately to no avail. When my kids ask me if I got the job, I say, "no, but it's their loss!!" They just didn't figure out how fabulous I am! If you need to self loath, go for it. Just do it in moderation, my dear Ken. Do it for your precious boy who values you.
Have a good day. (and that's an order!)
Tina
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Comment edited on: 3/9/2014 5:23:01 PM

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MARYDSAN 3/9/2014 12:48AM

    Hi, You said in a previous blog that you had or sometimes had tried intermittent fasting. Another Spark friend (STONECOT from the UK) started this after beating cancer at the recommendation of her physician, and has lost 24? # doing 800 calories every other day and whatever she wants the other days. Is this the way you did it, or did you completely fast on the fast days? Just wondering...Sorry things are not so good right now.

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DOVESEYES 3/8/2014 10:01PM

    I enjoyed your blog and the rant.
It's like I am the female version of King_Slayer.
Pain, no job, no money.

I got to believe a man of your calibre who can cut through the daily crap for others and inspire so many can only do it from a place of pain and suffering and frustration.
How else can you give such great comfort to the rest of us- it comes from knowing how "it"feels.
It comes from having no control over your situation but you keep going.

I think we can get into a place where we really don't care any more. But you have pulled yourself out of that place before and made great headway in losses. Things were bad then too.

All the power you use to help us is in you to help you too. Start telling yourself the wonderful things you tell us. I think you'd be surprises how many of us give it one more shot from your comments.

In short YOU ROCK!!!

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JULIAMOONCHILD 3/8/2014 7:50PM

    All that you HAVE accomplished - in spite of the pain that you suffer - makes you my role model.

And Pain certainly comes in a lot of different forms. While I did not suffer physical pain when I was taking care of my Mom, I was in a very dark and painful place emotionally and mentally. Unlike you, however, I did not try to carry on while I was in that dark place - didn't try to get healthier , but, instead, did nothing but comfort myself as much as I could with food or TV or whatever means became available to me. I WAITED.

I waited until life was mine again and when life felt so much better than it did back then, although it is worlds away from perfect right now. I WAITED nearly 3 WHOLE freakin' YEARS ... and all the time that I was not trying, I was causing this day - this time NOW in my life - to be all the more harder to deal with. Even a little effort back then would have been better than nothing - but I chose nothing.

You surely don't need me reminding you of what you have accomplished and I certainly would not wish to deny you the right to feel what you are feeling right now. And I do not want to insult your intelligence by giving you a pep talk or to risk you un-befriending me by telling you tomorrow will be great. Hell, it might even suck worse than today. But you already know that, too. So, I guess all that I can say after my own little rant, is (and this is so cliché sounding it's gagging me!)-(yet, I must say it)
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"We are all in this together."

OK, I am sorry for that, but DO NOT UN-befriend me for my lack of originality. I am but a hillbilly servant and you are the only King_Slayer I have.

Tomorrow is another day. Oh sh*t - another cliché!!!
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-DAVE- 3/8/2014 7:18PM

    Hey Bro,

Get it out, all out.

Then start anew whenever you want....soon.
I have been reading your old blogs as you know, got a book you recommended and used your great stories and past success as my fuel.

You can't stop. You have so much invested in this and you know that. Your son is also counting on you as well as your inner self. You know you want this. I'm done and I hope you turn around soon.

Let me know if I can help. Internal pain is the worst but manageable even when we think we have nowhere to go or do. Do what works well for you and do it for the happiness of you and your son. If needed see a counselor or good friend to talk things through...

Dave

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Comment edited on: 3/9/2014 9:01:48 AM

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SKATER787 3/8/2014 6:35PM

    Hey, plateau is better than gaining. At least you're not 260 lbs, not that there's anything wrong with it. emoticon

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_BABE_ 3/8/2014 5:46PM

    This is not going to help but I know what you are talking about. Suffice to say, I have been there. Not long ago either. I am both surprised and delighted to say that the little steps that everyone recommends has helped me. I am grateful for the smallest thing and from there you build even if the foundation is rock bottom.

I look at it this way...what other choice do we have....that being said a rant ( venting) here is completely acceptable because you are amongst friends.

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MADEIT3 3/8/2014 5:45PM

    Rant away! Meanwhile, your guilt is serving no one, including you! Last week was last week. What you decide TODAY is what counts.

When other things in your life aren't going right, losing weight is extra difficult. Maybe it will help you to count up the number of times you decided to eat the right thing or decided to exercise. You only gained a pound so you've done a LOT right this week.

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TWESTEN1 3/8/2014 5:40PM

    I'm sorry that you're so discouraged. Being in constant pain sounds dreadful, so you've earned the right to rant whenever you want. And by the way, you've lost a lot of weight... so you do still have that control. If you're going to beat yourself up - go for it - but tomorrow forgive yourself and begin again. Don't get caught up in the self loathing... you're too important for that. Sending hugs your way...

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