250-499 SparkPoints 318

what i can't post on facebook #4- my family's opinion of me

Thursday, March 06, 2014

my family's opinion matters way too much to me.. i believe they think the worst or that my reasons for doing things are stupid. I feel like an idiot most of the time because i'm trying so hard NOT to be. (everyone in my family is extremely intelligent, whereas i am a "mere mortal") so i say dumb things or act rudely or loudly or become extremely annoying. i don't know why i do this. i'm always looking for an opportunity to be "smart". i watch everything that comes out of my mouth and ask myself if it's dumb or something i "should" be talking about. i pretend to understand things that i don't. i must keep conversations light. i can't take the risk of having an opinion or speaking about something any deeper than tv shows
. i believe that i am being judged in everything i do or, MORE IMPORTANTLY, don't do. i believe i have to provide written documentation, a well thought out explaination, and medical paperwork in order to justify my actions. (yes, i have done that) if i simply go about my life without explaining my actions, i am lazy and selfish and dumb.

I do not feel this way in the "real world". out there i feel like i am an intelligent, thoughtful person who thinks very deeply about things. i have goals, every day is a battle to become a better, more positive person. i truly believe anything is possible, and i believe God has a hand in EVERYTHING we do.

no i cannot distance myself from my family. it's impossible, i have to take care of my mom.

i started therapy but the co-pay DOUBLED so i got one whole session. yippee. i'm all fixed.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    skip therapy ... try returning to Mass and see if you can find a community of people to connect with that might give you a different perspective ...

    also, i think you are the only member of your family to get anything resembling a college degree ... two points for you, and the men in your family have soem sort of mental or physical disorder that leads them to wildly respond without thinking ... of course that could also be the fact that they are ignorant men .... hmmm .. research would probably be required and then ignored ...
    1447 days ago
    You can't please everybody so you've got to please yourself ~Rick Nelson "Garden Party"

    Make Today the Greatest Day of Your Life

    emoticon Until Tomorrow!

    1447 days ago
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