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    SWEET_CAROLYN   24,447
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The Failure to Be Perfect

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Wednesday, March 05, 2014

2014 is really kicking my butt, folks. From injuring my knee to traveling constantly for work from managing my relationships, I really feel overwhelmed and swamped and, to be a honest, a failure. I feel like a failure because I've gained about 20 pounds since Nov/Dec.

That is kinda why I've not been so active on SparkPeople (the other reason being my crazy life right now). I have been voted a motivator, I've had loads of people like my blog posts, and I've had tons of friend requests and emails, asking my secrets. To come on here and say, "I've messed up and gained weight" feels like I've been lying to everyone all this time.

And then I headed to my At Goal and Maintaining team and found these articles:

http://www.sparkpeople.com/m
ypage_public_journal_indiv
idual.asp?blog_id=5349573

http://www.sparkpeople.com/b
log/blog.asp?post=the_sham
e_and_pain_of_regaining

Wow, what a comfort to my soul!! I am not a failure! I *have* kept off about 90 pounds, which is still good! And maintenance isn't a simple "I win the weight loss game!" statement. It's long and arduous - but very worth it.

Baring my soul today has been really tough, but I needed to be honest with you guys. Thank you for giving that to me, for always being a support when I need it. And while I am trying not to let you down, I'm also trying not to let myself down too! :)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAREE1953 4/2/2014 3:41AM

    So many great comments! There is an amazing wealth of info on the At Goal & Maintaining SP team Big Page of Links. One visual that stuck with me was from Anja's realization -- I must move from that old comfortable home (old weight-gain lifestyle) and make a new home (healthy lifestyle), and limit visits back to the old house, with goal to eliminate those visits entirely. Hope you are encouraged by all the support here!

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NEWNANCY2012 4/1/2014 1:48AM

    Thank you for telling it like it is. I'm so glad I found the Maintainance team. It has helped me to keep from going back up above 200. emoticon

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SMILESHINE81 3/27/2014 11:46PM

    I'm right there with you! Thanks for sharing and being honest. I too have regained and slipped off Spark because of it. 90 pounds lost is still an amazing accomplishment!!

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-SHOREIDO- 3/26/2014 9:01PM

    To thy own self be true........and you are, listen to that tune again because I hear the sweet sound of success in your story!!
emoticon

!


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MICKEYH 3/26/2014 6:51PM

    You are not alone, I've lost about 65 and gained back 15 since last Nov./Dec. I get feel bad about it too. life is busy and things will always happen. But I am not feeling defeated anymore. We can always get better. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/26/2014 6:53:37 PM

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MJREIMERS 3/25/2014 2:05PM

    I've been there, too. I think it's just a part of this journey to a healthier lifestyle. Weight gain makes us revisit those goals and behaviors that got us here in the first place. It's a learning experience.

The key is to get back on the Sparkwagon and recommit. emoticon and together emoticon !

Welcome back! emoticon

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OHMEMEME 3/23/2014 9:03PM

    You have taken the first step. Just keep going one step at a time. Back to basics...nutrition is more critical than exercise for weight loss. Face the emotions. That's what always gets me. Focus and keep Sparking!

emoticon lots of us have walked in those shoes!

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PACKERMANN 3/22/2014 1:55PM

    I like the phrase: gained weight back--working on losing it.
much as I am happy to have kept off 45 lbs, I still have 20 to go.
so...progress, not perfection is my plan.
Pat

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HOLLYM48 3/22/2014 10:50AM

    When you think that you are a failure, pick something up that weighs 90lbs and think about how awesome it is that your body doesn't have to carry that extra weight around. We all would like to think we can keep our bodies at the "perfect" weight, but everyday is a challenge. It is a challenge to eat right, get enough sleep, not stress about things and to make the best choices. Some days we win, some days we lose, but if we pick ourselves back up and say today I am going to get back on track, then we have won the battle in the end. It is a journey and I think it is important to see that even those we see as"perfect" are not, they are humans and we all have weakness's but it is about what we do about those weakness's!
Keep on sparking and being the best that you can be because you are awesome!

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TORTISE110 3/22/2014 8:20AM

    This is great and honesty is always, always the first step to maintenance in my view. Good for you!

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ROXYCARIN 3/22/2014 12:40AM

  emoticon

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LYNMEINDERS 3/21/2014 8:25PM

    This has been a very timely blog for me....
I gain everytime I get to my goal and feel like na failure....
Have printed out the article to read and will go back to the blog as well and print it out to read as well....
Thankyou so so much for your honesty....
It has helped me a lot...
You can do this and so can I....we can do it together

Blessings

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MIAMUSE 3/21/2014 12:25PM

    The only perfection is imperfection...
I find that it is easier for me to be "perfect" when I set the goal small. Today I will do X or This hour I will do X. Pretty soon it adds up to larger goals accomplished.
Good Luck.

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MARTHA324 3/21/2014 10:28AM

    Amazing accomplishment. Life gets in the way and for most of us planning and routine are so important to losing and keeping off the weight. With a crazy life and travel kudos to you for doing so well.

Glad you're back. I look forward to your posts and progress.

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SUSIEMT 3/20/2014 8:48PM

    You are a winner in more ways than one my dear! Keep up the good work! Been there done that!

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SLENDERELLA61 3/20/2014 2:01PM

    Yes, you are a success for sure! Thanks for sharing. You ARE a motivator. -Marsha

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IAMAGEMLOVER 3/20/2014 12:21PM

    The most I have gained back is 5 pounds but I am just so tired of it right now, I just want to give up. It seems out of the clear blue sky I am lactose intolerant now and my stomach has decided to give me problems with digesting other foods. I feel like what is the use eating healthy, I may as well eat the crap I use to.

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AMARILYNH 3/20/2014 9:24AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon OMG I wish you were here so I could give you a hug! I have SO been there - but I'm glad you realize now that you are among friends here and its OK not to be perfect because none of us are! I've been on my journey for 6 years (next month) and just Tuesday got off track and ate half a can of salted cashews (fortunately only an 8 oz can - cause I might have still kept eating if it had been a bigger can!)

Am I failure because of it? Heck no - and I'm right back to eating normally (knowing NOT to bring anymore cans of salted cashews into the house because though the last time I did it I managed to just eat one oz at a time this time I didn't.) Live and learn - isn't that what life is all about?

I'm so glad you are on the maintenance team because that is THE place to learn how imperfect we all are!! Imperfect but successful! Not EVERY day but enough to keep us happily on the journey!!

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BROOKLYN_BORN 3/20/2014 9:05AM

    You're certainly not alone. Hang in there!

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NELLJONES 3/20/2014 8:40AM

    Gaining weight back seems like an outward manifestation of an inner imperfection, but is it really? You didn't gain 20 pounds in a day, so something else is going on. What is it? Whatever it is, it isn't imperfection. It may be different values, or different responses to old situations. Other people's supposed opinions on weight gain are irrelevant. What matters is what YOU think, not just long term goals (those are easy) but what you think at the second that an overwhelming urge for something you might (that's "might" not "will") regret one minute later. Only you can make those determinations. I always keep that "one minute later" front and center in my mind.

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KANOE10 3/20/2014 7:40AM

    You are a great maintainer..Keeping 90 pounds off is a success. All of us struggle with up pounds in maintenance and work them down. Having an injury and not being able to exercise is so difficult. It is not easy to share the hard times..but you will feel better knowing you are supported here. Keep posting. You will get through this and will continue to maintain,

emoticon

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CELIAMINER 3/20/2014 7:17AM

    You may be experiencing a setback, but you're no failure! I appreciate that you put yourself out there to share your story, as uncomfortable as you seem to be. However, based on the comments so far, your story is one that needs to be told to help those of us (me included) who are struggling with maintenance and trying to stop the regain. Thank you for your candor and courage.

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FIFIFRIZZLE 3/20/2014 7:12AM

    Gee that's how I put on a heap of weight, post injury. Don't feel bad, you are already in pain.

But gee, it really is so important to recognize the danger you are in when you hurt yourself and adjust your eating. And find some alternative to exercise. No matter WHAT!
Hugs
Fifi

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BESSHAILE 3/20/2014 6:43AM

    90 lbs still gone. That's so wonderful. And once you spit out the emotions that you need to acknowledge but not succumb to - I bet those other lbs will go too. Especially once your knee fully heals.

You are singing my song today. Stuff happened over Christmas. The weather crushed me. Pain kept me from moving like I'd been. I gained weight. And I've had exactly the same shame about not being at some magic goal weight all winter. And I did the same thing - came here, blogged about it - and well - I feel a little better about it. The disappointment is still there but it doesn't sting so much. And the confidence has seeped back now that I've looked at the facts and admitted to them. Yup. Gained weight. Yup. Gonna take it off again.

I just know you'll be where you want to be by summertime.



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DSJB9999 3/20/2014 2:53AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NUOVAELLE 3/20/2014 2:27AM

    Ok, I'm here to tell you a secret: None of us here is perfect!
And another one: Each and every one of us would like to be perfect deep inside! Yep. Always making the right choices, never gaining a pound back, never having to worry about weight issues again! Perfection!
But what in life is perfect? Life doesn't like perfection. But it loves people who fight for it. People who fall a hundred times and get up a hundred and one. People who learn from their mistakes and put their lessons into practice. People who are not afraid to say "Yes, I messed up but I'll try again." And you are one of those people. And so is everyone else who has been here long enough to know the struggles of this journey. For me this journey has been awesome with all its ups and downs and I feel privileged to have shared it with honest people like you.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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UNSWEETMAMA 3/19/2014 10:54PM

    I can't tell you how timely this is for me. Thank you for sharing this.
emoticon emoticon

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PHEBESS 3/19/2014 10:21PM

    I'm not at maintenance, and I'm fighting the same stupid 10 or so lbs for several years now - but I've maintained my initial 40 lb loss, and yes, for me that is a major victory that I celebrate every day!

So YES to losing 90 lbs and keeping them off!!!!!!

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BOOKAPHILE 3/19/2014 9:42PM

    MANY of us on the At Goal and Maintaining + Transition to Maintenance Team have done the yo-yo thing and gained ALL the weight back before returning and taking it off again. You are with people who understand and support you in your efforts to reach your goals. Many of us have taken several tries before we could reasonably maintain. It is not a once for all event. Maintenance takes work, and we continually learn more as we continue our life journey.

Best wishes as you learn the best way for you to maintain.

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LESLIESENIOR 3/19/2014 9:27PM

    The word "fail" is so finite and terminal. I like to think of life's challenges as hurdles, curves in the road, elevation changes. They all make me stronger and more determined to carry on.

You are a champion and will continue to be so, as long as you see yourself as a winner because you woke up in the morning and took on another day with gusto. It doesn't matter what the rest of the world thinks. You owe no one an explanation or apology.

As it happens, we all think you are amazing! Seriously!!!

I've maintained my current weight within 10 pounds for almost 8 years now. And I've been sober for 12 years as of last Saturday. I have learned not to put myself or anyone else on a pedestal from which an ugly fall can occur. I have learned that success is keeping my feet firmly planted on the ground, moving forward, and thanking God above for His grace.

God bless you and best of luck to you as you navigate each new day of the rest of 2014.


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DAWNDMOORE40 3/19/2014 9:27PM

    emoticon for keeping the 90 lbs off! It is a constant battle every day to keep healthy and we aren't failures if we have a bad moment in our life where we struggle with maintaining! You are an inspiration because you believe in yourself enough to keep going! Stay positive! You are on the road to complete success! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SKIRNIR 3/19/2014 9:27PM

    Absolutely correct. HOpe you stay active around here. I find I need it.

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ONEKIDSMOM 3/19/2014 9:05PM

    Glad you spoke up. It's a hurdle MANY of us in maintenance face - the feeling like we've failed if we're not PERFECT! Vigilance, diligence, remembering what we really want... however one phrases it... maintenance is work!

But it is so worth it... as are YOU! emoticon

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MENNOLY 3/19/2014 9:02PM

    emoticon I especially like your point about the weight you have lost and not gained back. I too have gained back a lot of weight after an injury but I still weigh less today than I have weighed most of my adult life. We will get back to the weight we want to be emoticon

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WATERMELLEN 3/19/2014 8:57PM

    Success isn't permanent, and neither is failure. Fortunately none of us is held to a standard of perfection. So glad you're back getting the support we all need to maintain: because losing weight is (relatively) easy but MAINtenance is the main thing, right?

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MEXGAL1 3/19/2014 8:55PM

    good to bear your sole...we all have to do that to heal and make plans for going forward.
Awesome you did this blog
Best of everything to you.
Sallie

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SMILES_CAN_DO 3/13/2014 9:14PM

  I've missed your blogs on the Medifast team and had to come and see what's up and came across this blog.

What you're feeling is so normal! You know we're not judging you, right? We all know maintenance is harder than losing. We've had those habits for years and years and it's a lot easier to give in to things than it is to stay on track. We wouldn't have weight problems if it were easy to keep it off. And you've got it- look at how much you've kept off! You've learned a long the way and won't go back to the way you used to be.

Whether you keep it off or gain some back, we still think you're pretty darn great!

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TINAJANE76 3/9/2014 9:00AM

    Yup, I've been there. But as a serial yo-yo dieter who's only now beginning to get her house in order, take it from me--it's when you're feeling at your most down and frustrated that you need the support you can find in a place like this the most. In the past, I had always disconnected from my support systems when I started to gain a bit of weight back and then five or ten pounds turned into as many as 90! It's actually much easier to admit that you're struggling and get the help you need than it is to pull away and have to start from square one again. I had to learn that lesson the hard way after losing 115 pounds and regaining almost all of it. As hard as maintenance can be, and I don't sugar coat my struggles--I've had LOTS of ups and downs--there are few things worse than actually reaching a tough goal and letting it slip away from you because you were too proud to say you were struggling and needed help.

No one here expects us to be perfect, so why should we expect that from ourselves? You can do this and you're always welcome to share your thoughts and struggles on the At Goal & Maintaining + Transition to Maintenance team--regardless of whether or not you're at goal. Almost all of us have experienced the struggles and feelings you've described, so we understand!

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123ELAINE456 3/5/2014 4:27PM

  Great Blog!!! Well Said!!! You are doing well. Keep Pushing Forward!!! Spark On!!!

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 3/5/2014 2:51PM

    It's OK. We all know that no one is perfect. Being honest, accepting yourself, celebrating and acknowledging in the victories and the good......
You still have a lot of wisdom to offer and can still hold your head up as a role model. We are all a work in progress.

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SALLYLEE84 3/5/2014 12:31PM

    I have to say to hear you admit that is very comforting for me to hear, since I've gained about the same amount in the same time frame. However, you have still kept off 90 lbs! Congrats! Celebrate that victory! emoticon You'll get back on track!

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ICEDEMETER 3/5/2014 12:19PM

    Being human - having difficulties and set-backs and crazy periods in life - is nothing to be ashamed of, and most certainly is not letting anybody down!

Keeping off 90 lbs is not just "good" - it's fantastic! This whole maintenance game is a continuous learning experience, so be mucho proud of what you've done and keep trying different things to see what maintenance "tricks" work for you.

Hope you get a chance to stop and take a deep breath - and plan out what your strategy will be to get your life back in to your happy-track.

Thanks for sharing, especially when it's not that easy --- we all have our difficulties, and the burden of them lightens when we know that we're not alone.

Strong thoughts!

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