Tuesday, March 04, 2014
For those of you who watched the video linked to last week's blog entry, you'll know that my husband and I were surprised (wouldn't be a stretch to say, shocked) to find out in January that I'm expecting a baby in September. We are beyond thrilled. But, honestly, we had moved on. I turned 40 on January 15. We've been married for almost 18 years, and we tried for many of them, so we just thought having a child wasn't in God's plan for us.
I was looking forward to crossing the 100-lb mark by April of this year, and reaching my goal weight (a total of 165 pounds lost) before the end of the year. This was the year I would finally reach my goal weight (for the first time ever). But, all of that is now changing, of course, for a very good, wonderful reason. We are so incredibly excited and we feel so totally blessed that God would choose us to become parents, and we are over-the-moon about becoming a family of three now. But, it does change everything. Our normal busy travel schedule will take a big hit (hey, on the positive side, maybe I'll finally get everything unpacked from moving into our house last May). And, since we both work full-time, we have a lot of figuring out to do around how childcare will work (I had always thought if/when we had kids, I wouldn't need to work, but that is not currently the case). But, as my husband always reminds me, we're good at figuring things out, and that's exactly what we'll do.
I'm also not without worries about the baby. Of course, with this being our first child, combined with my age and the fact that I started out still in the morbidly obese category (even after losing 82 pounds), I worry about the health of the baby and whether everything will go well. We had to go public with the information last week because we publish a weekly weight-loss blog and I felt it was time to share our news with everyone to provide an explanation as to why it seemed like I was suddenly not that motivated to lose weight. But, this means that should something happen, that will also be very public, so it's a bit of a risk. So, from a mental-toughness standpoint, I'm doing my best to stay focused on a positive outcome (which means I've stopped doing internet research because all that does is freak me out anyway).
On the weight management side, I had originally thought I would just try to maintain my weight, and after meeting with my doctor, she thought that was fine as long as the baby was growing properly. But, at the same time, the nurse who did our orientation and nutrition class also reminded us that during this time, you can't always control how your body will react. And, I've had some trouble trying to figure out how many calories to track against given that I'm now trying to maintain and not lose. I will also admit that I let all of my emotions and thoughts derail me a bit. So, I have gained a few pounds, but, overall, am still on track. So, I'm trying to be realistic - working hard not to gain too much, but also not being too hard on myself. After all, this is a completely new experience for me! To add to that, my husband mentioned that he was concerned about the toxins that might be released by my fat cells if I tried to lose a few pounds. He probably has a point (thought it would also be a great excuse for me to use if I wanted to just eat whatever sounded good, so I'm trying to also avoid a sense of delusion).
It's an interesting situation to be in. I'm absolutely thrilled that we are having a baby and I'm so excited to meet him or her and move forward as a family, but it has definitely taken an adjustment to not be disappointed about not reaching some of my initial goals for the year.
The overwhelming feelings I have are certainly of gratitude and if I just stay focused on love and abundance (rather than fear and scarcity), I'm sure everything will work out great. After all, as my husband says, we really are great at figuring things out. :-)
All the best,