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Deep Breath...


Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Ok deep breath...here goes

I have been known for positive blogs for several years, and for the past 6 months I just haven't had it in me. Some weeks everything seems to go wrong, and then sometimes those weeks become months. I feel like every time I say "what else could possibly go wrong" the world has been kind enough to provide me with an answer to that question within hours. Some days - it really doesn't feel like it is worth getting out of bed.
I haven't wanted to think about things, so I most certainly have not wanted to write about them. Still not ready to discuss much but here are the basics: marriage in bad shape, despite the fact that we love each other still. He moved out the 1st week of January (no negative comments please, he is my best friend and this was a mutual decision, but that doesn't make it any easier). Next: job causing me significant distress - politics that I can't get into here, but it's time to reassess life. Next: cancer scare in the middle of February - biopsy came back pre-cancer, will need additional procedures, but nothing on fire right now, thank God.
So what have I done?
Tried everything I can to focus on healthy outlook, looking SOOOOO hard for any silver linings. Reminding myself that change can be good, and that sometimes I need a new adventure.
A few chocolate binges occurred for certain, and that needs to stop. Lots of skiing and hiking occurred (and balanced the chocolate problems) as I tried to find some endorphins, or on some days, just a reason to get up.

So there it is. I am here, sorta at least.
At least I am trying. Some days I don't get very far, but I keep trying.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
FABAT402009 4/12/2014 4:03AM

    emoticon

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ALOFA0509 3/10/2014 5:38AM

    Sending positive hugs/Luvs your way sista!!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/10/2014 5:39:26 AM

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RENZRYD 3/8/2014 2:38PM

    Oh Sweetie! My heart goes out to you... emoticon

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FRENCHTOSD 3/5/2014 2:13PM

    Hollynn, I've been thinking of you on and off for the last few days and then come to read this post. I'm so sad for you. I know it's hard to keep your chin up. No advice from me today - just {{hugs}} and prayers coming to you from Southern California. XO Sharon

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NEED2LOSEN2010 3/5/2014 10:04AM

    emoticon You've been in my thoughts & prayers. I'm so sorry life gets really tough sometimes, but you will get thru this. One day at a time, sometimes one breath at a time. I try to not ask what else can go wrong, because as you said the world will quickly answer that question for you. It's really great hearing from you. Hang in there. emoticon

Sunny

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SAMOACOOKIE 3/5/2014 9:26AM

    You have been an inspiration to so many - now take care of yourself, this is when you need it the most! I just had to remind myself what I was doing when I felt the happiest (we all get a little lost sometimes) and devote a little time to moving in that direction. There's always hugs here when you need them - keep checking in.

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DALID414 3/5/2014 12:34AM

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ISLAMOM 3/4/2014 9:01PM

    So sorry to hear that you are facing some hard times...but it was also so great to hear from you!! I think of you often and wonder how you are doing. I know you'll make it through this. You are a champ! XOXOXO

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LILIVW 3/4/2014 7:10PM

    So sorry you are struggling with so much right now. I can relate to the marriage part. We love each other but have been having a very difficult time right now and are in counseling to try to work through it. My heart goes out to you. Hang tight. The sunshine will return.

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HIPPICHICK1 3/4/2014 5:44PM

    All you can do is try...and stop asking "what else could possibly go wrong?" so the world stops providing you with an answer.
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But seriously...
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BBLUNDON 3/4/2014 1:24PM

    I totally hear you .. you are not alone ... emoticon

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SBHPATRICK 3/4/2014 1:02PM

    Oh, Hollynn - that is just so much. Any one of those things is enough to derail healthy thinking and eating but all of them together is - ugh, I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this and will be thinking of you.

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ARUNNINGKAT 3/4/2014 11:58AM

    Sending lots of hugs your way! Hang in there! emoticon

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LOOZINITNOW 3/4/2014 11:36AM

    Sending lots of love and prayers your way! We are here for you and getting it out in writing is a good thing. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/4/2014 11:36:26 AM

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MANLEYSANDY 3/4/2014 10:30AM

    My mom said yesterday, "Can't win sometimes but I keep playing the game"....Sending good vibes your way and all I can say is hang in there because, this too shall pass, I have been through a divorce and job stuff and I too keep playing the game, so I know you can too!

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KITHKINCAID 3/4/2014 10:17AM

    Oh honey. I feel for you. I've been there. Last thing you need to do is beat yourself up about chocolate binges. At the end of the day, it's just food. There are far more important things in life. Pulling for you all the way.

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 3/4/2014 9:36AM

    Life sure does throw us for a loop sometimes... All I can say is that I've been through much of what you are going through and there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Just focus on moment by moment - one day at a time and despite it feeling like the walls are crumbling around you - it's opening NEW doors for you as well. Sending you some positive vibes!! emoticon

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VICKYMARIEC 3/4/2014 9:33AM

    emoticon wow girl...no wonder you've gone into hiding. Take deep breathes. It's hard when things are going on in our lives that we have 100% control ourselves, by ourselves. Control those areas that are in your reach. It will get easier, but i can't say that it won't get harder before it gets easier. BIG hugs for you girl...

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KATRINAKAT23 3/4/2014 8:32AM

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JSTCHLIN 3/4/2014 8:21AM

    I was just thinking to myself last night where you have been? I am so sorry to hear about everything you mentioned. It certainly can't be easy. I along with many others are always here for your support. You have been a big positive in my journey since almost the beginning and I know things will turn for the better for you. Keep that positive energy flowing. We all need our chocolate and the fact that you balance that out as you stated is a plus. I wish you all the best with the future tests/procedures and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. As for hubby, not much to say. Hopefully as they say what is let go will come back some day. Keep SParking positively.

Take care and stay healthy

~Mike emoticon emoticon

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TADTURC 3/4/2014 7:50AM

    I send many positive thoughts to you.

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FITMARY 3/4/2014 7:36AM

    You are strong, and you will get through this! Hang on!!
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KONRAD695 3/4/2014 2:36AM

    emoticon emoticon

I get it.

With you.

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