Monday, March 03, 2014
I get so tired of myself sometimes. I'm tired of being obsessed with food. But it's not exactly an obsession that you can just turn off. Wouldn't that be great? To just say, "I'm done. I will be a normal eater now."
I cannot even fathom what being a "normal" eater would feel like. Do normal eaters really exist or are they imaginary? Like unicorns.
I am growing though. I went over my calorie range yesterday. I was disappointed to do that so early in the month. But I am really working on learning from a couple of the choices I made and not overanalyzing or stressing.
Maintenance is hard. And weird. And I'm not ready. I reset my goals to get a new daily calorie range and it was so high I knew that I would gain weight if I upped my calories that much. Not to mention the fact that I went over my calorie range six times in February. SIX TIMES! This is not me.
So I am considering losing 10 more pounds. I really don't know how committed I am to the idea. I reset my calorie range (again) for this goal, but am struggling to stay in range. Not because the range is lower - it's not any lower than where I was in January. I'm struggling to stay in range because I'm eating more according to habit and appetite. Then when I actually am hungry (especially if I am hungry at a time when I don't usually eat), I get a crazy anxiety about eating. But if you are hungry, it's ok to eat right? Why does this make me feel like a crazy person???
Hi. My name is Stephanie. I am obsessed with food and trying to find balance between restriction and indulgence.