Monday, March 03, 2014
I get so tired of myself sometimes. Iím tired of being obsessed with food. But itís not exactly an obsession that you can just turn off. Wouldnít that be great? To just say, ďIím done. I will be a normal eater now.Ē
I cannot even fathom what being a ďnormalĒ eater would feel like. Do normal eaters really exist or are they imaginary? Like unicorns.
I am growing though. I went over my calorie range yesterday. I was disappointed to do that so early in the month. But I am really working on learning from a couple of the choices I made and not overanalyzing or stressing.
Maintenance is hard. And weird. And Iím not ready. I reset my goals to get a new daily calorie range and it was so high I knew that I would gain weight if I upped my calories that much. Not to mention the fact that I went over my calorie range six times in February. SIX TIMES! This is not me.
So I am considering losing 10 more pounds. I really donít know how committed I am to the idea. I reset my calorie range (again) for this goal, but am struggling to stay in range. Not because the range is lower Ė itís not any lower than where I was in January. Iím struggling to stay in range because Iím eating more according to habit and appetite. Then when I actually am hungry (especially if I am hungry at a time when I donít usually eat), I get a crazy anxiety about eating. But if you are hungry, itís ok to eat right? Why does this make me feel like a crazy person???
Hi. My name is Stephanie. I am obsessed with food and trying to find balance between restriction and indulgence.