Monday, March 03, 2014
I don't know but trying to figure out motivation and momentum.
First, I firmly believe that one needs to be clear on what his/her goals are. Without goals, you will not know where you are going.
Secondly, your goals probably have some variables or constants in there (variable could be a varied diet where your meals vary day to day, or a consistently unchanging diet). I am opting in personally for a constant feeding time schedule per day; yes even on the weekends. I have to. This is only way, I KNOW that I am on track and eating my calories. Recently, I've been splitting up 300 calories 7-8 times a day and that is hard. I feel so bloated and full, I need to eat more calories with less frequency per day. With the 7-8 x's frequency, I am eating every 1.5 hours. Try it and see if you're hungry. The maindrawback is that when you're at work deep in a task and the alarm beeps to eat, it's too much distraction and mind preoccupation at times.
So the big question is 'what causes motivation?' Everybody wants it and wants to keep it but we are very impatient. What I don't realize is that I have been consistently UN motivated and 'eh' with my feeding habits that expecting an immediate or short term resolution is not only unrealistic but will put incredible personal pressure on me.
For the past many weeks, I've been dabbling in everything from research, self experimentation, spirituality and playing with fire (not literally, but staring at my family's stash of junk trying to evaluate all of the things going on in my mind. I know; nuts.
I am very close to a conclusion that may or not be true, but the fact is one will never know. I am theorizing that there may be deep embedded psychological material (content, baggage, whatever you wish to call it) that is so deep that is part of my habitual nature without any recollection of it being created. For example, I am certain that I did not eat poorly my entire life. I clearly recall eating very cleanly as a teenager and being fit and very concerned about eating healthy. So what happened? Maybe a break up, maybe a job loss, maybe a tragic event that was alleviated by food and eventually formed an overeating habit. Pure speculation and speculation never resolved anything.
The fact is that I need to 'support' my behavior on a daily basis; the same way that a brace supports an injured knee. It exists for a very specific reason and has a purpose. My 'other' mind also needs to be there 24/7 observing, supporting and realigning my behaviors when needed.
This is hard and honest work that can be exhausting as well. That is the solution.
The key for me to be successful in this quest is to constantly partake in hard and honest work and expect it to be A LOT of dedication and hard work. Sort of like the mental Olympics. Otherwise, it's just another day of 'giving myself wiggleroom, giving into a and behavior will never change.
I am not talking about perfection. I am talking about changing old behaviors (no matter how insignificantly small) and realizing that change was made. When the small victories are banked and realized and reflected upon, this seems to build confidence for hurdles or current potential meltdowns. Again, hard work.
Motivation and momentum is NOT easy unless we'd not have any problems weight or otherwise. I need to steer the ship, keep it on course all the time with conscious thoughts and understanding why I behave certain ways.
On a final note, I've realized that small victories in other areas of my mental life motivate me to stay on course. For example, at work I've begun to type out my emails whenever I am pissed or need to correct somebody. I let it All out with my position and logic. THEN, I close the email, don't save as a draft and find that just going through the act of venting or not sending the nasty-gram is actually a small victory and proves to myself that I AM able to not partake in argumentative or 'I have to be right' behavior. It puts me at peace that the person on the other end may be expecting a response and when they don't and the cycle is broken by ME, then that's a victory I can live with. These types of things fuels my exercise and other positive changes in my mental landscape.
Sometimes less is more and this is one of those cases...try it!