Monday, March 03, 2014
My best friend Pushpa's son visited me just the day before.He had a question for me---where did I find the Positivity that I reflect?Now whether or not I sound positive is not something that I am aware of but yes my nature is like a bouncing ball and because of that I wake up ready to face the World with a smile on my face!!!
I have never ever analysed the exact reason why but Ashish's question set me thinking.hard about myself.I realised that I have a very wonderful mechanism inbuilt since birth in my defence mechanism.This comes into play immediately any situation that can hurt me really arises.When Sudhir died it engulfed me immediately.While I was aware of all the facts ,the Pain was dulled by the shield around me.This shield very gradually dissolved,bringing me face to face with the true gravity of my loss a few months later.In the meanwhile it kept my Equanimity intact.I was better equipped by then grieve for the man who was my entire life in private--------as long and loud in exactly the manner in which I wanted.
This grief in fact became my strength when I had to deal with all the bumps of learning to live alone.My subsequent reconnection with Cancer is perhaps due to the Sress I had endured in my grief but then diseases have never actually fazed me.To me these are the stumbling blocks of Life and one plays according to the rules of each stumbling block.Cancer is trying furiously to defeat me but damned if I let it win without a fight!!While the outcome of this hurdle is sealed in advance it is my sunny Nature that makes even Cancer treat me with respect!!!So here's to Life!!!