Monday, March 03, 2014
Still here. Just tired. Every night it gets so late and I say, I should go to sleep and blog tomorrow. Bad habit. So I'm blogging now.
Friday was a not so good day food wise. I weighed myself in the morning... looked good. The whole day I felt hungry, and despite what I ate I did not feel full. I tried to eat healthier foods. Turkey, rice cake, salad, dried guava, jello. I didn't know why I felt so hungry.
Friday night I ate dinner by my brother's house. He makes good and pretty healthy foods. I did not moderate myself.
Saturday I had no plans, so I ate a light breakfast. Then I spend the day in bed. I didn't eat anything until dinner. In a way, it felt like I was trying to 'punish' myself from Friday. I don't like to see a weight gain on the scale. So if I have a heavier day I try to have a lighter day. Maybe not the best way to do things.
I acknowledge that:
1) I overate on Friday.
2) I underate on Saturday.
3) The two are connected in that I hate the idea of getting off track so I try to make up for lost ground quickly.
But what I am taking out of this is, that I am learning to trust myself, be it good or bad. I am able to recognize harmful behavior, and then move on. I resolve to make better choices in the future. I did not fall off the wagon.
Today I had a good day. I got up early. Ate breakfast. I did my weekly food shopping, and laundry. Ate an early lunch. Went to class. Brought some snacks with me. After class, went shopping to Macy's 34th st.
Shopping: very loud and noisy and bright. Too many lights. I get overwhelmed, especially cuz the store is huge. There were so many sales racks and it was exhausting looking through all of them. I was there to buy tops, and only tops. So I tried to focus on that.
Some things I noticed: I may have skipped the XL size and gone straight to L. Either that, or they are making sizes bigger now. Totally possible.
I fit into a size 14. Based on my weight, that makes no sense. I still feel like they are making sizes bigger now.
Well, everything felt off. The sizes were weird, they did not have any of the style shirt I was looking for. They had lots of shapeless sweaters and big loose tops. Definitely not what I want to wear to show off my weight loss.
It was very weird, because lately I have done all my clothes shopping online. I think I am more comfortable that way.
I found 4 nice tops. All on sale. The cashier gave me a 20% off coupon. The machine kept ringing it up with sales tax, even though NY is not supposed to have sales tax on clothing. I was very patient as they worked it out. In the end, I saved way more money than expected. So yay.
I'm exhausted. It was a long day. I hate shopping. I hate the emotional and psychological part about losing weight, how nothing fits right, or you just bought a cute top and now it's too big. Yes, that should be my biggest worry in life. Only problem is, we have to face the world every day, and as comfortable as my pajamas and sweatshirts are, I don't think that will do outside the house.
It's a slow process. For now I have 4 nice new tops, and I will get new clothes as I go along. So be it.