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    PRINCESS_SOFI   12,305
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Sunday, March 02, 2014

I read your responses to my last blog and I cried as I read each entry. It really touched me. In fact, that's why I write this blog. I had no idea how many people dealt with my kind of problem before. I felt so alone. I am keeping the fact that I'm in therapy from everyone except my husband. How can I tell? When they are the cause. I feel so guilty feeling traumatized from their actions.. it's a new level of messed up.

You guys, I've been saying it for like 6 months but I seriously need a vacation. Not like I'm too stressed or I just need one. I might die. She scared me. She said the way my stress levels are going that I might die in 10 years. At 35. I can't do that.

I have gotten connected to a movie recently. I was lost and didn't care what we watched as I ate my fast food but I found a gem. Frozen is the movie. There is one song that touched me so deeply I watch it many times each day. Every word hits me home. I have had to hide so much of me each day and I want to let go. I just hope I can.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FERRETGIRL28 3/3/2014 4:22PM

    I'm glad you feel better knowing there are other people out there who deal with similar things. It took me a long time to realize that, and I wasted many years isolating myself because I didn't think anyone would understand how I felt. Joining SparkPeople has helped because I write my blog and connect with other people. There are wonderful, understanding people out there, if you give them a chance to hear your story and help you.

I agree with KNLILLA, music IS healing & it's great if you find music you really connect to. I like to make playlists to suit my different moods so I always have music to turn to, no matter how I'm feeling. It helps & it's comforting.

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WALLINMW 3/3/2014 9:20AM

  Stay motivated!

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KNLILLA 3/2/2014 11:32PM

    I was the same, I only told my boyfriend, no one else. After a couple of months I admitted it to a very close friend. That's it. I wanted to tell my sister when I was desperate to convince her to go to therapy because she was doing terribly bad, but I still couldn't. I never told my family, at first for the same reason you mentioned: "when they are the cause".
As for a vacation, in my opinion (!) something that (in the therapist's opinion) is this harmful for you probably can't be fixed with just a vacation. Peace and quiet helps, but it's not enough. I had 6 months of 'vacation' so to speak, it was the most quiet and peaceful period that I have ever had (or probably will ever have), it was far from home, in an other country, I didn't work, I lived with my boyfriend and everything was perfect for the whole six months, but my 'demons' crept back, no matter how perfect everything had gotten AROUND me...that doesn't make everything right INSIDE me. Some things needed to be said before I could get better, maybe over and over, they needed to be acknowledged, and therapy helped me see things...see the big picture...and I didn't blame anyone anymore, because I just started seeing how everyone who fu*ked me up got fu*ked up too about 20 years before I was even born and they just passed it on, they just didn't know better, they're just human, just like me, I can't judge them because if I'm judging them I'm judging myself too.

Music is good, it's healing BTW! :)

Keep up the therapy and go on that vacation ASAP! :)

Sorry BTW, I don't mean to be nosy or anything, I just felt like writing this, I don't know why...

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