The Post-Evaluation Email I Wish I Could Send
Saturday, March 01, 2014
Dear Drizella and Anastasia,
I wanted to follow up on the meeting we had on Friday evening--my performance evaluation. I am glad to have had some time to decompress all of it, and now want to go over some of the issues I see.
First of all, I am offended to have had to sit there and be told I don't have to "count my hours" or "defend myself," when it's quite clear that I do. Anastasia's eye-rolling when I said that I'd been taking photos of the clocks outside the office when I came in was ironic, considering we were actually having the discussion that showed it would have been useful and necessary. And as far as my "not making up my time, even though I do come in early" because Drizella doesn't know what it is I do, I put forward that that reflects more on Drizella than it does on me and my work.
I really don't know what the problem is. 3 hours a week that I am out doing other business for the same company (not half a day twice a week at a department store). Plus, I was criticized for not getting out there and getting to know more of the people here, when this is one method of doing so! And it's not as if what I'm doing is unprecedented--Gus did it, Jaq did it, and Mary did it. None of them have ever expressed to me that they received any of the vitriol and really professional silent treatment I received. I imagine they would be shocked to hear of such behavior. I consulted Mary about how she "made up her time" before I sent you the email (which, by the way, that email was sent to you two. You added The King to it, not I. If you got a spanking from the boss, that's on you, not me.). She said she was more careful about coming in at 8, and that was it. Nothing more was said about it. On top of which, Drizella said that my accepting it was not "good judgement." Am I to use judgement when a supervisor asks me to do something? If so, you two could be in for considerable inconvenience!
This is a new position, and maybe I nor you are totally sure what all you want this position to do. However, I'm new here, and you're not. Although nothing positive was said in the evaluation itself (except for my writing style being good, and the clients like me), it was stated in the evaluation that I do a good job of what I'm asked to do. So ask for more! But don't blame me for a "lack of initiative," when it seems to me that the real problem is a "lack of leadership." I'd think that a couple people who should be kissing the ground thanking God they didn't get their performance evaluations this year wouldn't gamble so hard with karma.
Drizella should be ashamed of herself, calling me euphemisms for "white trash," saying I'm "folksy" and "down home." Oh, and then the long-winded discussions about things I've never done! When we were already running late, because Anastasia hadn't given this proper priority! Telling me things that only the most experienced professional should know, that I shouldn't go out drinking with clients when that has NEVER HAPPENED! Ridiculous.
And I have taken initiative. (Really good example here, you'll just have to trust me) And I didn't move here to this "down home" area to be put down by some "down home folk" to take the focus off the fact that you've stagnated. It was especially cute the way the second I questioned Anastasia using my 2014 performance in my 2013 evaluation, she freaked out and went running for Mommy. I've never been subjected to such a disrespectful farce (for two straight hours!) in my life, and I am telling you now--I never will be again.
There are things I need to improve on. Like talking to you. I shouldn't do it so much, since you both obviously have so little faith or trust in me, that you think I do things I joke about, like tell clients someone's a loon or outright ask them to be a mole for me. I honestly don't know why you offered me the job if you thought so little of my abilities. And I wish I had been smarter and hadn't taken it. You have not been "good colleagues, good supervisors, or good friends." You are sad, small, insecure women who will never be anything other than what you are or do anything other than what you're doing. So it really is okay that you have a low opinion of me. I have an even lower one of you, and I'm going to do my damndest to be sure that I own that and react to the stupid, ridiculous, small-minded things you said about me with the value which I intellectually know they deserve.
So go eff yourselves. And get to work. Preferably before 10am.