Day 118 - Obsession
Saturday, March 01, 2014
I have always been a bit obsessed with food and if I was not been eating at the time, I was planning for what I would eat next! I can have quite enjoyable fantasies about the smells, tastes, textures and the look of food! Lol I remember commenting to a friend one time that I probably have more food fantasies than sex ones!!!! Hahaha
I am the one who will spend days searching for just the right recipe, texture and taste combinations! I am the one who always cooks too much because of my irrational fear that it will "not be enough"!
Food was my first and my biggest love! Although not a healthy one! Obsession is never healthy . I have come to recognize it as a pattern in my life though. Of late, I am becoming less obsessed with food except for those times when I am hosting a dinner party like the recent valentine's dinner I had for the kids! On those occasions, I indulge myself and plan and cook wayyyy too much!!! Since sparkpeople and tracking I am less obsessed, although I plan meticulously to get the most delicious foods for my calorie allotment! I set up my menu for the day, and then forget about it!!! I have reduced my obsessive food behaviour!!!
My new obsession is my bike!! This kind of worries me because the pattern I usually follow is that I will start a new activity and then become obsessed with doing it well! I usually start out by setting what I think is an impossible goal! Then I will work and work and work to get there! When I arrive, I stop and rarely ever go back to that activity again! Some examples: a few years ago I was going to the gym regularly and I got on a stair climber! Wow it was so hard!!! I had to get off after less than a minute! What a challenge! I decided right there and then that someday I would do 5000 steps on that machine! Impossible, or so I thought!!! Well 6 months later, exhausted and sweaty, I got off that machine after completing step number 5000!!! Done! Never got back on it again! Decided on another occasion that I wanted to run on a treadmill for 60 mins! Another few months- done!!!! Then on another occasion, I decided I would run a 10 mile race called the Tely Ten!!! The only running I had done was on the treadmill! There was a 12 week training program published in the local paper! Mega challenge!!! It is amazing how fast one can progess with running!!! It takes effort and pain though! I remember on day one of the training session- a 15 minute run! I only got half way! This just made me want to do it more!!! Lol I remember my legs and shins paining terribly when I was doing this and I remember thinking " too bad- stopping is not an option"! I ran through it! After 4 weeks, I decided I would run 10 km. I mapped the distance in the car and arranged for my daughter to pick me up at the end of the route!! Could hardly sleep the night before I was so excited!!! The next morning I did it!!!! Daughter picked me up and drove me home! I had a problem though, I could not put my right foot to the ground because of the pain and I had to crawl into the house! She still talks about it! About 10 weeks into the program I decided to run the race route! I did it easily! 10 miles done! The next week I decided to see how far I could go! Left the house and ran to the next city and back! I was almost home when my foot gave out and I had to walk the rest of the way! I completed the race a few weeks later and then I was done with that!!!
During all if that I never ever got under 180 lbs!! Sigh
But the feeling! My body felt so fit and alive and free! I wanted to run everywhere! When I got out of the car in a parking lot, I jogged to the store!!! Then it all stopped!!!! I had conquered it!
That is only a few examples of my obsessions! Lol I have always had my food one though!!!
My newest obsession is my bike! I tried that a while ago and after a few mins I got off with very wobbly legs and there came the challenge again!!! I wanted to stay on the bike for 60 mins! After a short time, I realized I was going to do that easily! I do it everyday now! I have now upped the ante!! There are 8 tension settings on the bike! I want to master them all and I will! I used to start at 1, now I start at 4! I go for 40 mins on 4, still enough to get a sweat going and then move to 5 for five minutes, then six for five minutes and then 7 for 60 seconds! That is all I can manage right now! I have one level to get to!!! But it won't consider the bike done until I can do at least 30 mins on the highest setting! Impossible???? Right now it really seems to be!!!! We will see!!!
There it is, my obsessive self! The good news is that I have stopped obsessing about food so much!!! Better to obsess about biking!!!!
Blog a bit long but I have so enjoyed reminiscing about my past successes!!! Feeling good!!!! Where is my bike!!!! Lol