Friday, February 28, 2014
Thank goodness it is Friday. I post that in huddles on Friday, and I say it sometimes. It doesn't really mean anything to me. Friday is just a name for another day. I understand that for many people it means the end of the work week. I am disabled and don't work. I am home 24/7. It has been pointed out to me almost on a daily basis that is my choice.
to a certain extent. I can volunteer, really? I have tried. It is almost as hard as getting a job. You would think it is easy, after all it is free help for whoever you want to volunteer for. That use to be the case but not anymore. This is particularly true if you want to work with children. When the weather turns warmer, I am going to try again. I will try at the Hospital for Special Care where I go to the pool. I said I didn't want to volunteer there because I didn't want to get attached to anyone and have them die. That would throw me for a tailspin. I remember when my friend Debbie's grandmother died. I still miss her terribly. We did alot together. She became my Grandma. I was talking about her one day to my Mom and I said Grandma and she said you never did that with Grandma and when I told her Debbie's grandma she said "That wasn't your grandmother". She was annoyed. But she was, my real grandma, my Mom's Mom died when I was 13, she had 72 grandchildren 19 great grandchildren and 4 great grandchildren. She knew who we were because we saw her all the time but we just visited her, I didn't do things with her. I do miss her terribly though, and her death really affected me. We do talk about her alot. "I am going to give you holy hannah she use to say." Everyone said she was a saint and I can remember staring at her when I was little looking for those wings.
She caught me a couple times.
I am on disability and that is really a fixed income. There aren't many things you can do. Yes, I can go to the mall, I can go shopping, but I can't afford to buy anything so what fun is it. It is just a tease and depresses me. I can't go to the Friday night single dances, the movies, the bars(not that I would anyway)bowling, you get the drift. The point of this. My friend said I don't get out to meet people. How can I? It takes $$$$. I would like to. I only have one friend, Gary. We do some things together, but we aren't a couple. That was 15 years ago and water under the bridge. Never again, it wouldn't work, didn't then, never will. He has been married and divorced since then. Do I love him, with all my heart, but not that way.
I wrote a blog on hump day. Just another day. Friday just another day. The weekend, just more days. I have a goal this year to change that. In January I think I mentioned I want to make more friends in real life and start having a life. I am tired of existing. My plan of action will start with a volunteer job. That will get me out of the house for a couple hours a week. If you have any ideas that are free or cheap, please leave them.