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My Biggest FEAR

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

My Grandma has congestive heart failure, kidney failure, and many other things wrong. Point Blank-she is dying slowly and it breaks my heart. I hate that she is in pain, and I hate even more that she is diabetic. I hate that my whole family (on Dad's side) is diabetic. I don't want to be diabetic. I'm so scared of it, that I'm contemplating not birthing any children due to the risk of gestational diabetes.

How can I be so scared, yet eat that doughnut and Arby's yesterday? So Scared, yet I won't go to the gym because I don't feel like sweating. When did fear start taking over parts of my life? When did life stop being this optimistic fun thing for the future? And to think, I am not even depressed right now.

How stupid can I be? Risking not having biological children, yet eating doughnuts. Whining because I'm fat, but not willing to put in the necessary work to lose the weight.

I don't want to die from diabetes. I don't want to waste my life. Right now, I need to save my life.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    "Maybe I am the only one, but I feel guilty for feeling more confident about my appearance. Although I reset my weight loss tracker, in the past year I have lost 33lbs and 35 inches. I'm doing great, feeling better, and exercising every day. I am also eating a lot better and have much more energy.

    When I look in the mirror I think, "Dang girl you are looking good." That is until I pull at the fat pockets on my body. It's a slow process, but I am still losing weight/inches so that's what matters. But what I wonder is: Is it normal to feel guilty for feeling more self confident? I think I have thought poorily about myself for so long that to feel good about myself seems wrong.

    Anyone else feel this way too?"

    You wrote that just over two years ago. Focus on that amazing feeling on confidence that you will have if you lose the weight. I know it is hard, because I do the same, but try not to let yourself get overwhelmed by things that may or may not happen in the future.

    If you lose the weight and get healthy, your risk of GD will be low, you'll feel confident enough to tackle your life's goals and you won't feel like your life is a waste, and you'll feel great!

    Right now, you're thinking about too much and it is stressing you out. Choose one area to focus on and perfect it. I started with tracking food. I've been tracking food and now it feels like the most natural thing in the world. My goal of March is to start exercising - I'm not setting big goals - just to exercise at least 10 minutes a day, whether that means walking, doing lunges, yoga, etc. Later, when the act of putting on my workout clothes is not so daunting and becomes the most natural thing in the world, I'll focus on ramping it up. I'm not here to lose 75 pounds in 6 months. I'm here to get to my goal weight in a healthy way that will be a lifestyle change. The weight I will reach is only one way that I'll measure how well I'm doing. This is about being healthy and happy, you know? Check out the Beck Diet Solution. It has helped me a ton!
    1273 days ago
    The first step is the hardest. You have said you need help not doing those things that you feel are so bad for you. Start out slow......baby steps if you have to. Walk a short distance the first day. Keep busy. Find snacks that you count in your daily calories or w/w points. Just a little at a time. emoticon
    1273 days ago
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