Wednesday, February 26, 2014
My Grandma has congestive heart failure, kidney failure, and many other things wrong. Point Blank-she is dying slowly and it breaks my heart. I hate that she is in pain, and I hate even more that she is diabetic. I hate that my whole family (on Dad's side) is diabetic. I don't want to be diabetic. I'm so scared of it, that I'm contemplating not birthing any children due to the risk of gestational diabetes.
How can I be so scared, yet eat that doughnut and Arby's yesterday? So Scared, yet I won't go to the gym because I don't feel like sweating. When did fear start taking over parts of my life? When did life stop being this optimistic fun thing for the future? And to think, I am not even depressed right now.
How stupid can I be? Risking not having biological children, yet eating doughnuts. Whining because I'm fat, but not willing to put in the necessary work to lose the weight.
I don't want to die from diabetes. I don't want to waste my life. Right now, I need to save my life.