I just love that line uttered by Jack Nicholson in the movie A FEW GOOD MEN.
A few weeks ago I had a heart to heart talk with my dear friend Susie out in California. I opened up to her with my thoughts on why I struggle so at times with eating healthy and following weight watchers. I do so well....then....I don't. I am a on see-saw.
I understand myself more and more as time goes by and when I THINK I have figured it out......I realize I have more to learn. I totally get the program....I do. I just don't totally get me.
It dawned on me that I never had a weight issue until I got married. I had to think of my life before hand.........
as a child....I was active. We didn't have the 100's of channels on the television. We didn't have cable...the computer ...and games! LOL! They were BOARD GAMES and only for rainy days and evenings! We were OUTSIDE! I was OUTSIDE! Food was......not how I eat now..that is for sure. We had a balanced meal and if we were hungry...my mother would utter the famous line, "eat a piece of fruit." and we did. Pop was unheard of. It was a luxury and we got that treat ONCE per week....Saturday night with our popcorn. Candy was RARE. They were for holidays ONLY. ....and we TREASURED IT and made them LAST.
In high school...I got a dog.......Morgan. My first pet that was TRULY all mine. I use to take him everywhere with me. We would walk ENDLESS hours together.
College...never gained that freshman 15 that was warned. In fact....I came home on Thanksgiving break.....SMALLER. My mother was afraid I was not eating enough. Truth was.....I WAS. I was more active than ever. I walked EVERYWHERE...that is what you DO on a college campus. I made friends that were active and health conscious. You have to understand....Richard Simmons was sweating to the oldies.....Olivia Newton-John was getting physical and Jane Fonda was a nightmare in tights. The dining commons was NOT an issue. The salad bar was plentiful and NO WAY I was going to be caught DEAD eating poorly.
I purposely took later morning classes. I found a friend that liked to go to the REC IM BUILDING to work out. We would walk the track......use the equipment for strength training and finish off with laps in the pool. Off to shower...a healthy breakfast and ready for the day of classes and studying. In the evenings, I would Jog...yes...JOG with another friend.....no matter WHAT the weather was like outside. Bed at a decent time and the next day...I would start all over again. The weekends were made for DANCING!
My mind and body were NEVER more healthy in my life.
After college....moved back to the area with a decent job/career. I made a friend that loved to walk and bike ride. We shared the same schedule and spent a tremendous amount of time together.
Then...we both got married....and...she moved away.
My life changed. It wasn't as carefree as it once was. I had to become a married adult. My husband was overweight at the time......and now rather obese. I started to change and developed different habits that I never once possessed. It was slow...it was gradual....but it transpired all the same.
In time.....I joined weight watchers. I wasn't ready to be honest. I liked the idea of weight watchers, but bottom line, I didn't like ME on weight watchers. Still went ...for as long as I wasn't gaining...I was okay.
Then.....I started to learn...started to do........then...I would falter......the see-saw method.
Well......I tried to make friends that wanted what I did. BIG MISTAKE. If they did well...I did well...if they didn't......I didn't.
How weak is that?
Yet....whether I liked it or not.......that is my truth...my reality.
I told my friend Susie.....I need to get back to ME again..the person I once was.......by myself.......and...I was SCARED.
I am NOT a lonely person persey. I really am NOT. I am lonely with fitness and nutrition. I hate doing it by myself. I do.
Susie told me to DO what I wanted....and others may follow........and if not......be strong and think of how you USE to feel and that will carry you until you FEEL it now ...on your own.
The very first thing I did was decide WHICH program to follow on weight watchers. Tracking is a not for me. I tried. I used games with different color pens....stickers....etc. Those 49 weeklies are my downfall. They are my BAD BOYS. I am not mature enough to handle them. Simply filling...same thing....too many weeklies. Simple start philosophy with 7 weeklies per day.....I make better choices. I am smart.
The second thing I did...was get an active link. I named it Morgan. That took some time to find the RIGHT name for me. I was going to go with AL....LOL...get it? then Dallas....but it still did NOT feel right to me. Morgan is perfect. I walk more thinking of my beloved dog from days gone by.
I then went on FB to FIND weight watcher groups that were serious minded. I work so many hours that I don't have actual time for inperson friends. I found three that I like. One is strictly recipes...which comes in handy....the other is motivational....and the THIRD does challenges. Every day we have a challenge to complete and I post at night to say YES....MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It sounds like I am on the computer a lot...but in all essence....my time has been drastically cut down.....more than half....and I am SO OKAY with that.
I do post my status ...I do share what I have done...and my friends have joined in. I encourage them....and hit LIKE a lot.
Last Thursday I lost 2.6 WOW.
Today I went...not knowing what that scale would show...not many days between Thursday and Tuesday. I was prepared either way. I lost POINT 6.
I honestly feel that I have FINALLY found my way........and it took my past to SEE it. I don't live in the past.......I don't live in the future....that is my reality. I live for the day....and I needed to improve upon it.
I am not sure why it took so long for me to find my way. Many times I thought I had....and perhaps for that time period I did......it was a temporary road that would take so many detours.
I have ALWAYS enjoyed my meetings.......they made me think...........these last two weeks...I found myself LISTENING more in Ernest ......like I am thirsty and ready to DRINK in the knowledge instead of processing it........now I am trying and doing.
I guess you could say...I am more than ready to .......HEAR and DO.
and IF others choose NOT to continue on with me.....
it is really actually....ALRIGHT.
It is alright ....because....I have myself......
and I didn't really realize till I talked with my friend.....
I need me.
and yes...I am ready to HEAR me........