Well, itís been a while, and this time Iím finally ready to admit the real reason why I keep strayingÖ
Iím an alcoholic.
So there it is. Iíve had issues with alcohol since I started drinking at 17 & after 11 long years, Iíve finally given up trying to control it. After years of lying to myself & others, putting myself in dangerous situations, & ending countless relationships because of it, Iíve decided to quit & live a sober life. Iím currently 12 days sober, working on my 13th & I couldnít feel better about my decision & myself.
Without getting into the sordid details, it was bad Ė REALLY bad Ė so bad, in fact, that the withdrawal nearly killed me. I never want to go through that again & with the help of my local AA chapter, friends, family, & online communities, I never will.
Iíve used the money Iím saving from not buying booze to purchase a membership to my local Y so I can get back into training for triathlons. My current gym doesnít have a pool, but I donít want to quit because itís a lot closer than the Y & I just plain like it better. I could never justify paying the extra fee though, because I seemed to always be living paycheck to paycheck. With the alcohol expense gone though, itís an investment I no longer have trouble with.
More often than not, when I fell off the diet & fitness wagon it was because I was too drunk or hung over to plan meals or go to the gym. I know there will still be difficult times ahead, but at least they will be for reasons unrelated to that self-sabotaging habit.
At first I was scared. Alcohol had become such a big part of my identity. I couldnít imagine hanging out with friends, my boyfriend, going to a party or other social outing or even just a few hours without drinking. Heck, even at the end of obstacle races, they normally offer you a free beer. But as I attend more meetings, tell more people, & really start to focus on my recovery, Iíve realized that I am not that bad choice & life can be just as fun, exciting, & meaningful if not more soÖsober.
Önot to mention how much Iím looking forward to losing the beer gutÖ LOL.