Tuesday, February 25, 2014
My own understanding of "self-love" was twisted the same way a bud pirouettes before unfolding into a beautiful blossom.
Thanks to the app SuperBetter, I realize that all that "self-love" and reserves of appreciation have degraded a little bit. Because if it hadn't, this little 30 second experiment wouldn't have made me cry.
YOUR QUEST: Love yourself as much as you can no matter what is going on. You can love yourself for thinking this Quest is stupid. You can even love yourself for not being able to love yourself.
1. Picture a person or experience you know you love for sure.
2. Now beam that same quality of love at yourself.
Now, listen: I can love intensely. The depth of joy that spontaneously springs forth, unbidden, when I think of my favorite person, or the excitement at unexpected encounters with sea wildlife, or the quiet heartbreaking affection I feel for my favorite cat-quaintance is unfiltered, and each has no distinguishable boundaries. My love is free and flows forth happily to them.
I was swinging my wildly through those emotions, one followed by the next in a 30 second swipe that left me breathless. I almost can't handle that pointed myself.
And I thought about how grateful I am to feel that at all. Once upon a dark time, years ago, numbed by depression, I wouldn't have been able to let any of the highs flow over me, because the descent into the lows were too much to bear.
In this case, it was a good realization to know that I need to do a little bit of positive self care. Knowledge is power, after all!