Sending out an SOS
Monday, February 24, 2014
We had the talk today. Well a talk. And to say it went poorly would be like saying Napoleon ran into some difficulty at Waterloo. We talked about the sex and the drinking. We didn't even get round to the money. Ran out of time. We are planning to get together next Sunday and revisit. Make a 'needs' list. What he needs. What I need. What's negotiable what's not negotiable. It all seemed to be going okay. Hopeful even. Until he decided he needed to let me know he had gone through my stuff. I don't feel great about this. And of course, he apologized and said he was wrong but that what he found in my things was something I was hiding from him. And he has to turn it around to say that I didn't see where should take some responsibility. That I was wrong I keep something from him instead of talking about it. And the something I was keeping from him was about the lack of sex if you catch my drift. So he goes snooping thru my dresser. And Im supposed to feel sorry.
You want to know how I feel? Pissed the freak off. And sad. Despondent even. I'm half tempted to just tell him I don't care to try and work on our relationship. Tap out. Be damned the consequences. Obviously I need to sleep on this. He has suggested we get back in with the counselor. I can't see how a professional would be anything but on my side but who knows.
I don't know how I will be able to keep on track with diet and exercise on the face of this. Much less make it through a busy work day tomorrow. And my review scheduled on Tuesday. Great f'ing timing. All my momentum, my streak. I still worked out today. Did my little crossfit. Didn't track tho, so not much different from any other day. Maybe I can just do it in spite of my circumstances, just like I say on my page. Perhaps I will get some clarity in the next couple of days.
So for now sending out an SOS. The original title was also inspired by a song: Manic Depression. (Is a frustrating mess.) I guess I just need to take it one day at a time. One minute at a time if I have to. Ugh I soooo hate feeling all this conflict! I love a serene life without drama. Well now it looks like I'm going to have to take my own advice.
Other than that had a pretty damn good weekend. Had to go to traffic school Saturday. That wasn't awesome. But I also did get to my ladies potluck meeting and get out some my greivances there around the problems in my marriage. I mean I knew this was coming eventually as I mentioned in a previous blog. Today dauhter went to her cheer clinic which afforded us this lovely oppoutinity to converse sans child. Then we went and saw Frozen (finally because we rarely go to movies) this afternoon as a family. Gorged on popcorn instead of having supper. The popcorn is probably my favorite thing about going to the movies. TWD was good but I will wait til M has a chance to see it before discussing details. Oh and saw most of the last episode of Downton but kind of out of context since I had missed the majority of the episodes this season.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Going to the counselor will eventually backfire on him,,but people that feel in control and manipulate others, have an ego that flies higher than the Goodyear blimp.
In order to survive in a healthy way, detaching the person from the behavior may help..IMHO: This is a person that you married for love. This person is making choices that affect all, but he does not care.
refusing to contribute to this persons' lifestyle and not allowing him to push our buttons, is key to a normal life.
In my family, I put each person in God's bubble, let HIM care for them regardless of their motives and/or behavior. I live my normal daily schedule, performing and enjoying MY life, since God gave us each 24 hours, I decided that he can live his and I will live mine, however I feel is best for me. He cannot have his 24 AND mine too.
HE COLD have rifled through your stuff and not said a word. The only purpose that served for him was to push your button,,he pulled that out when he needed to get control back.
YOU are making changes, changes are hard. When one makes changes, those around them rebel, try to sabotage or get some power in any form, any way they can.
Your changes= power and strength to him,, it is easier to NOT change and just go on, refusing to maturely consider consequences. As in AL Anon and AA, NA, we learn that :
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
Nobody can step on me unless I get down on the ground.
Marriage is each person giving 100%, NOT 50%-50%!
Take care of you and your daughter first, let the other adult BE an adult and live with his decisions.
1248 days ago
Comment edited on: 2/25/2014 3:51:03 PM
I am so sorry that you are struggling, but it sounds like this needed to happen...you need to tell him how you feel and maybe even make a change, for yourself. Whatever you decide to do, I am here and thinking of you and wishing the best for you.
Try to keep on moving, even if you can't manage to track it all and control it all, do as much as you can for you. Exercise will help with the stress!
1248 days ago
In my opinion you have done nothing wrong. You're aren't a child, so why is he scolding you like one?! I agree with Cipher that he's trying to manipulate you and control you. He has no right to treat you like that!
Stand strong, Daphne, and know that you have a whole bunch of people who are here to support you.
Love you, girl.
1248 days ago
I'm sorry you are going through that. I don't know exactly what the situation is but I will pray for you. God knows what you need and how to help you, heal you. Whatever the result of the talk is. I don't know all the problems but a counselor may help. There is a blog I read about marriage called Time Warp Wife. there is another one called Women Living Well. That may offer you some encouragement during this difficult time.
1248 days ago
Life is very short and so you have to do what is best for you.
1249 days ago
No wonder you feel angry - too right - but I think that it is him attempting to manipulate you, it is not in his best interests for you to be healthy and confident, it is in his best interests to go to a counsellor, so he can give it look at the 'poor him' piece.
I am angry at him too. You don't deserve that, I am hoping you can find the strength to stay on track for you, and battle through what you need to.
Any time you need me I am here.
1249 days ago
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