Monday, February 24, 2014
We had the talk today. Well a talk. And to say it went poorly would be like saying Napoleon ran into some difficulty at Waterloo. We talked about the sex and the drinking. We didn't even get round to the money. Ran out of time. We are planning to get together next Sunday and revisit. Make a 'needs' list. What he needs. What I need. What's negotiable what's not negotiable. It all seemed to be going okay. Hopeful even. Until he decided he needed to let me know he had gone through my stuff. I don't feel great about this. And of course, he apologized and said he was wrong but that what he found in my things was something I was hiding from him. And he has to turn it around to say that I didn't see where should take some responsibility. That I was wrong I keep something from him instead of talking about it. And the something I was keeping from him was about the lack of sex if you catch my drift. So he goes snooping thru my dresser. And Im supposed to feel sorry.
You want to know how I feel? Pissed the freak off. And sad. Despondent even. I'm half tempted to just tell him I don't care to try and work on our relationship. Tap out. Be damned the consequences. Obviously I need to sleep on this. He has suggested we get back in with the counselor. I can't see how a professional would be anything but on my side but who knows.
I don't know how I will be able to keep on track with diet and exercise on the face of this. Much less make it through a busy work day tomorrow. And my review scheduled on Tuesday. Great f'ing timing. All my momentum, my streak. I still worked out today. Did my little crossfit. Didn't track tho, so not much different from any other day. Maybe I can just do it in spite of my circumstances, just like I say on my page. Perhaps I will get some clarity in the next couple of days.
So for now sending out an SOS. The original title was also inspired by a song: Manic Depression. (Is a frustrating mess.) I guess I just need to take it one day at a time. One minute at a time if I have to. Ugh I soooo hate feeling all this conflict! I love a serene life without drama. Well now it looks like I'm going to have to take my own advice.
Other than that had a pretty damn good weekend. Had to go to traffic school Saturday. That wasn't awesome. But I also did get to my ladies potluck meeting and get out some my greivances there around the problems in my marriage. I mean I knew this was coming eventually as I mentioned in a previous blog. Today dauhter went to her cheer clinic which afforded us this lovely oppoutinity to converse sans child. Then we went and saw Frozen (finally because we rarely go to movies) this afternoon as a family. Gorged on popcorn instead of having supper. The popcorn is probably my favorite thing about going to the movies. TWD was good but I will wait til M has a chance to see it before discussing details. Oh and saw most of the last episode of Downton but kind of out of context since I had missed the majority of the episodes this season.