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    KELLIEBEAN   45,651
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Saying Goodbye To Mom

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Hello Spark friends. A huge thank you for all of the kind thoughts about the passing of my mom. It warmed my heart more than you know.

In my last blog, I wrote how she was improving when I left her Thursday evening. She was responsive after two days of being unresponsive and she was beginning to be mean to my dad. She has had many hospital stays and it was always the same pattern, she'd start treating my dad terrible and we knew she was on the road to recovery.

No matter what she said or did, he stayed at her side 24/7 every time she was in the hospital. She has sundowners so nights were painful with her. She doesn't sleep and tends to get a bit delusional and wicked. The only time he'd leave for the night was if she was in ICU and they made him go home. You would think he would be relieved but he was never happy about that.

I left there Thursday convinced we were following the same pattern and wondering yet again how he puts up with that. She had him call me shortly after I got home so she could tell me that my two sisters need to loose weight or they are going to suffer like she has. That 30 seconds was the last conversation with my mom.

Friday morning at 5am, my dad called that they had to intubate her and they had just called a code blue. We raced to the hospital, convinced he was confused that maybe they had called a code for a different room but no, I got there in time to see her room full of medical personnel and a nurse on the bed pushing on her chest.

The chaplain pulled us aside to tell us they are doing what they can but it wasn't going to help. They began to call another code and my dad and I told them to stop. I felt like the world was crashing. Everything became surreal. What did I just do?!

My sisters got there shortly after she passed. They were paralyzed in the hallway and quickly fell apart. I went into mother mode. I felt like I had to take care of everyone that was there, speak to the nurses and doctors, wait with my sisters for the transporters to take mom. Leaving the hospital room was tough! My son was wonderful, took me by the shoulders and said we shouldn't remember her like that. I was so proud of him.

My husband took my kids and I to dinner later and it all came crashing down on me. I couldn't hear their conversations anymore and my eyes filled quickly. I excused myself and lost it in the bathroom. My daughter followed me and was as calm and reassuring as I have ever seen her. I was so proud of my children yesterday.

I still have a lot to take care of. The memorial service is Tuesday evening. I've never arranged one before so I'm trying to make sure everything is covered and keep checking on my dad. I still can't grasp that this is happening. My mom ruled the roost, she was in charge for so long that I can't comprehend how life will go on. We had a challenging relationship so I'm a little discombobulated.

I've lost some of my Spark but I'm still trying to work it. I took the dog for a walk today. The sun was bright for a little while and it felt good to breathe for a bit. I promise to catch up with everyone soon.

Thank you very very much!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAYEMC 2/28/2014 12:20PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your mother Kellie. Take special care of yourself during this stressful time.

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MILLIE5522 2/25/2014 5:18PM

    emoticon Thinking of you and your lovely family

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RAVELGIRLY 2/24/2014 5:04PM

    I am so sorry for your loss.

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MANDY_CANDY 2/24/2014 2:25PM

    I'm sorry I'm a little late commenting but wanted to add that my thoughts are with you as well. I know that you'll do a great job with your moms service, though make sure to take some time for yourself as well. It sounds like there are a few people there who can help you with decisions and planning. And remember, it's ok to be confused and sad. Be well.

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SUNNYBEACHGIRL 2/24/2014 12:46AM

    emoticon my thoughts are with you and your family. Take care of yourself

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ONEWEIGH 2/23/2014 9:56PM

    Prayers for you and your family.

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JULIEABIGAIL 2/23/2014 9:32PM

  dear kellie, i too, would like to offer my condolences to you and your family during this time of loss, grief, and change. i am holding you in you in my thoughts and prayers, wishing you healing and peace. may you give yourself a lot of space, time, and extra doses of kindness during this transition. grief can come in waves, and their is no set end date, so i hope you are as patient and generous to yourself as you are to others and that you relieve yourself of any expectations of feeling a certain way at a certain time. people here have written you such wise, caring, gentle, heartfelt words. may you bathe in those healing, loving waters--one breath at a time. emoticon julie.

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SLIMMINJENN 2/23/2014 7:37PM

    I am sorry for your loss emoticon

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LORILEEPAGE 2/23/2014 5:40PM

    I'm so sorry! I will be praying for peace in your heart and mind.

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BIGPAWSUP 2/23/2014 2:05PM

    Sweetie, I understand and am so very sorry for your loss. You just take it slow and one day at a time. And if that is too much, one hour at a time. Or one minute at a time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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DALID414 2/23/2014 2:04PM

    I'm SO deeply emoticon

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MAREE1953 2/23/2014 12:39PM

    Kellie, my heart goes out to you. Please accept my deepest sympathies and feel this strong warm hug across the miles. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care.

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KBEHNKE81 2/23/2014 11:48AM

    So sorry for your loss. I just joined the team, and already feel a connection. I can relate to some of the experiences you described in your post. My dad passed away this summer - also a challenging person/challenging relationship. A lot of mixed feelings and, yes, discombobulation. I've been surprised by how many good things I remember about my dad now that his daily abrasiveness is out of the way. Hope that doesn't sound harsh. Blessings to you in this tough time. I'm so glad you have a strong and caring family to lean on. emoticon

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CELIAMINER 2/23/2014 11:47AM

    Blessings, Kellie! May you receive enough. Enough support. Enough strength. Enough time for yourself to grieve. Enough peace.
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COLLEENROSTE 2/23/2014 11:43AM

    Kellie, praying that you will be carried through the coming days infused with peace and comfort. Cherish the good memories. All that friction experienced over the years was part of the refining and polishing process getting you ready for this day. Your style is different because of your relationship but the results show in your mature and classy kids. Gold and diamonds - precious . Your dad and sisters need your kind of strength now too. I am so sorry for your loss. Love and prayers,Colleen

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THOMASINA57 2/23/2014 11:11AM

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss Kellie! emoticon

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DELIA38961 2/23/2014 11:04AM

    I'm so sorry that you're going through this difficult time sending hugs your way

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KIMBERLY_Y 2/23/2014 10:35AM

    Kellie,
You are such a strong woman. Please accept my sincere sympathy for the passing of your mom. I cannot even imagine the pain you are feeling now. May the happy memories of your mom comfort you as you endure this most difficult time in your life. You are blessed to have such a good family around you to support you. Keep them close. My prayers are with you and your family.
Kim

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MYSTERYROSE74 2/23/2014 10:29AM

    Oh Kellie, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It sounds like you have an amazing support system.

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TRAVELGRRL 2/23/2014 9:34AM

    Bless you and your family during this difficult time! You will get through it, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. People will be there to help -- be sure to let them. ((HUGS))

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FUNLOVEN 2/23/2014 9:21AM

    It sounds like you are the leader in your family. Taking charge at the hospital was just what your dad and sisters needed. I know you will have good days and bad days, Kellie. I have always found the advise of the Funeral Home Directors very helpful at times like this when I am not thinking on all cylanders. When you have to be the take charge person it can put your grieving on the back burner so please make sure you take time for yourself.

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-AMANDA79- 2/23/2014 9:01AM

    Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry. I too have a "challenging" relationship with my mother, so I understand how difficult this must be.

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CHERYL_ANNE 2/23/2014 8:24AM

    Kellie, please remember to support yourself through this process the same way you are supporting those you love. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers and we are with you in spirit and friendship.

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KANOE10 2/23/2014 8:22AM

    Kellie. I am sorry for your loss. It happened so quickly and unexpectedly. I lost my dad a few years ago and know how difficult it is. Everything does seem unreal. Please take care of yourself during this stressful time..while you are taking care of others. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You have wonderful children and a husband with you.

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SEAGLASS1215 2/23/2014 8:22AM

    So sorry to hear the news, Kellie...my heart goes out to you. It sounds like your children and husband are very supportive, which you need right now. Take the time to grieve - and don't be surprised if your emotions are all over the place. You have a lot of Spark Friends here to support you as well.
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SPARKBJOK 2/23/2014 7:50AM

    Kellie, I'm so sorry for your loss. Many of us can relate to losing a parent. I lost my Mom 10 years ago and my Dad 2 years ago - I still miss them terribly. I'm sitting here crying both for you and for me. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this. My heart goes out to you.

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BESSHAILE 2/23/2014 7:20AM

    Oh Kelly. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this huge loss - I too had a challenging parent. I still miss him, too, though I don't miss the ..um .. challenging parts. You have wonderful children and a dear father who will be glad to lean on you for a while.

I am wishing you all such peace and calm after this sad storm. It's an easy wish. It really will be waiting for you on the other side of the raindrops.



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PMRUNNER 2/23/2014 7:06AM

    Hugs and prayers to you and your family!

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TORTISE110 2/23/2014 6:21AM

    I'm so sad to hear about your Mom, Kellie. Her last hours sound so turbulent and shocking. As you step through all that's ahead, please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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NEW-CAZ 2/23/2014 3:25AM

    I am so sorry Kellie, I send my prayers and hugs your way emoticon

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MJREIMERS 2/22/2014 11:33PM

    My Dad had Sundowners and it is not easy. I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is never easy, but losing a Mom is especially hard. Big emoticon and prayers for you and your family.

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SUGAR0814 2/22/2014 10:46PM

    I'm sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you & your family. emoticon

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DOGLADY13 2/22/2014 10:35PM

    Oh... so very sorry. Take all the time in the world. This is a very hard loss. I pray that you feel peace in your soul.

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SYDLETZIII 2/22/2014 10:33PM

    The confusion will pass and focus will replace it. Your mother has moved to a better place and you her with every success.

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2BDYNAMIC 2/22/2014 10:17PM

    Sending warm wishes and hugs .......... You have been thru a great deal: glad your children were strong and by your side ....... May a new strength like never before rise up in you ....... from Heaven above ......... emoticon

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KRISKECK 2/22/2014 9:43PM

    Kellie, So sorry to hear this news....there is nothing, nothing like losing a parent...I know. Thankfully your children sound just wonderful. Sending strength and heartfelt sympathy. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers..
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Kristin

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EJB2801 2/22/2014 9:32PM

    Oh Kellie! Uncharted territory. I know many of us will be thinking of you and your family. Thank you for letting us know.

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