Friday, February 21, 2014
hi everyone--two woo hoos this morning--first--this is day FIFTY of my spark streak! I have logged on and tracked my food for fifty consecutive days!
also got on the scale this morning--2 weeks since my last time--I had been stuck for 3 weeks. today I am about 2.5 pounds lower. very glad tidings--I needed the boost. it really is too bad that the scale looms so large over so many of us. I am doing much better in that respect, and it is a useful tool, but it falls so short of measuring progress. its almost more of a reward or a punishment than a measurement. its funny to think about--you can't really get praise from an inanimate object, but that is how I look at it. be my friend, scale. tell me I am doing everything right. show me that I am worthy of love.
maybe its because I am older--maybe it's the self hypnosis work I have been doing--maybe it's because I am running and giving myself permission to think of myself as a runner has given me a kind of confidence I didn't have before. but I am finding more valid ways to measure myself that have nothing to do with the scale. the irony is these "measures of worthiness" have always been there--I just never saw them before.
self worth comes from the doing--not from the wishing. not from some meaningless arrangement of lines and circles we call numbers. the numbers are just an update from gravity that tells us if we are headed in a direction we find pleasing or not. but there are updates from lots of other places that tell me something similar.
in my running, my body updates me every time I run--I can go a little faster, my "stride" comes on more quickly, I can go farther and feel more enjoyment even though I am working hard, and I can tolerate a harder workload each time.
in painting--my mind updates me--I feel more relaxed when I sit down to paint, ideas come readily, I can achieve what I am working for more often, the agony when something isn't going right has less of a hold on me.
my dogs update me. if they are happy and content, I am doing something right.
my garden updates me in much the same way. if I have flowers and produce, I am doing something right.
there are so many concrete, valid ways to update ourselves. faith in a mechanical spring in a box is only one of them. and it doesn't tell the whole story that we need to know. it's only one aspect of it. I think for me it isn't so much the number itself that I need--what I need is to be able to perform the ACT of asking for the update. I need to remind my mind that I am engaged and accountable and actively taking part in this process. and that I am willing to accept the truth and face the number that I see there--without judgement. the ability to ACT is what empowers us. not the ability to wish to act, or to regret what we have done. the ACT of getting on the scale is where the power lies--not with the number. the ACT of running is where the power lies--not in my speed or distance or a cute pair of shoes. the ACT of being conscious when you are eating is where the power lies--not in a gourmet cook's kitchen (although that is really nice) or expensive ingredients.
we should live a life of purposeful, positive actions. one after another.
today I am going to send in my application and commit to a second race this spring. rob and I are already signed up for the 5K that we did last year, but I am adding a second race at the end of april--and rather than sign up for the 5K I am committing to the 10 K.
the first act is the signing up. the second will be following through and doing it. two very powerful things.
time to get about my day! have a lovely weekend!