Thursday, February 20, 2014
I find it appropriate that today is day 101 on my spark journey given that today I have been given a major learning curve. It's been pretty rough on me today. Last night at work I made a mistake that caused me to get majorly reprimanded. The mistake itself was minor but my boss was in a bad mood and I apparently was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Had she not already been grouchy, I probably would have just gotten off with a warning or something small. However, I got a major lecture and, even worse, I felt awful. I'm an incredibly emotional and sensitive person so I don't take well to getting reprimanded, warranted or not. I agree that I messed up but I hate how bad I feel afterwards.
I was proud of myself last night for not binge eating my feelings away as much as I wanted to. Instead I went straight to working on some music stuff to get out my frustrations. Once I successfully got the food urge out of my brain I was able to go to bed and avoid the Binge Monster. Today, however, is a different story. I'm still super bummed and having a hard time shaking what happened. The urge to binge is back and it's standing right outside my figurative doorstep waiting to come inside.
So far I'm doing a pretty good job at not giving in so I'm doing my best to keep it up. I find it funny that yesterday I wrote about how strong I've become and keeping cravings at bay and then today I find myself suddenly in the throws of a full on urge. Day 101 is certainly a crash course in healthy living!
I was off work today but I go back tomorrow and I plan on going back ready to try my best. I'm going to prove that yes, I made a mistake, but that doesn't mean that all I do is mess up. I'm capable of doing a really good job too.
The desire to skip my workout and just go veg out is really strong right now. Hope I can avoid the Binge Monster once again tonight!
Have a good night, everyone. :)