Thursday, February 20, 2014
So I've been battling the same pound or so for the past two or three weeks. I was getting so frustrated. I would step on the scale multiple times a day, but the numbers weren't moving. I felt like giving up multiple times a day. It didn't help that my emotions were all over the place. One day I'd be happy; the next day something had brought me down. If that continues, I'll be visiting my doctor for sure. I don't like feeling such drastic highs and lows, especially the lows. When I feel down, it puts me into a funk for the whole day. I struggle on those days, and not just with my eating and exercise. I struggle with doing the necessary day to day household things. I struggle to get up off the couch. I struggle to fall asleep at night. My mind races across many thoughts on days like those, often they are not happy, cheery thoughts.
But this morning, on official weigh in day, I stepped on the scale fully expecting not much change. I was so excited to see 360 appear! I had to weigh myself a few times to believe it. That puts me at twenty pounds lost since the beginning of the year. That twenty pounds proves to me that even through my bad days, as long as I stick to the plan, even if I'm not perfect every day (and most days I'm not!) that I am still on the right path. That twenty pounds shows me that I can do this. It restores some belief in myself. And damn! I'm excited! Twenty pounds!! That is 5% of my starting weight. I didn't set it as a mini goal, but it feels like I achieved a goal for sure! And I'm going to celebrate it as such because it gives me such a boost.
I've been spending a lot of time reading the blogs of other sparkpeople members. I especially love to read those of the people who have lost 100 lbs or more. They are so inspiring! And they prove to me that I too, can do it. On my darkest days, they are the words that keep me going, that give me hope. Its amazing to see the transformation of others. Just amazing.
This first 20 pounds has been such a test. The first 15 came off so easily and so fast, which was great motivation in the first few weeks. The last five have been a great lesson in having faith in myself and in the program. So what have I learned? I learned that even if the scale isn't moving today, or this week, that it will move as long as I stick to my new habits and lifestyle. I have learned that I can't control the scale, but I can control what I put into my body and what my body is capable of. And I have learned that I must not quit! Through it all, I just kept telling myself to stick to it because I'm making such great changes in my body that I don't want to go back to my old ways.
I can feel the healthy me just bubbling with excitement to get out and see the world. I can't wait to see her. I haven't seen her in about fifteen years. I look forward to dropping sizes and shopping for smaller clothes. I can't wait to be able to shop in normal stores again! The past two or three years I've been relegated to 4 and 5X from Walmart, and if I was lucky, I'd find larger sizes at Gabes. I have a drawer full of jeans that I bough about a year ago when Fashion Bug closed, that I thought were the right size, but when I got home and tried them on, they were too tight. I can't wait to get into those things!
And I'm looking forward to summer! One of my favorite forms of exercise is swimming. I can't wait to do some laps around the pool! I'm hoping that I'll need a new swimsuit halfway through this summer. I'm also looking forward to spring. I love planting a vegetable garden and I've already started planning this year's garden. I also want to clean up the flower beds this year. I want to make our yard look beautiful with flowers and plants of all different colors.
I can't wait to spend time outside in the warm sunshine. I want to take the kids out to play whenever possible. I want to teach them to play actively outdoors every chance they get because nothing beats outside play. And I don't want them to become dependent on video games and tv to keep themselves entertained. My goal once it warms up is to get them outside everyday that the weather permits. Some of my favorite memories from my childhood are the ones of time spent outside. Being gone for hours with the neighbor kids on an awesome bike trail, playing cops and robbers, having our own Olympic swimming races. I want my kids to have those kind of memories.
I am so excited to continue on my weight loss journey! I can't wait to see what comes next!