Thursday, February 20, 2014
I'm writing this blog today due to the thought process I went through on my drive to work. I thought about something that I think about pretty often. This morning I weighed in at 185.6. A year ago today, I was 186.0. I've been in this 170-190 range for almost a year and a half. Many of my friends have asked me if I'm done losing, and my reflex answer is always, "No, I've got about 30-40 more pounds to lose." And when I was driving this morning, I was wondering if I'm ever going to reach that goal range.
I realized that I assigned the 140-150 pound goal based on BMI and research on the web on what a healthy weight for my height is. My entire childhood, every visit to the pediatrician meant another "you should really lose some weight" comment that I brushed off because I didn't want to listen.
But now, I wonder what my doctor would say. Would she still go off of the BMI Chart and tell me I need to lose another 20-30 pounds? Or would she take into consideration my "healthy" bodpod reading, the fact that I ran my first half marathon, and the fact that I exercise 4x a week and say that I'm right where I need to be.
The reason that I keep trying to lose weight by restricting my calories and working out often, is because my body doesn't look the way I imagined it would once I lost all the weight. But I'm beginning to realize I had unrealistic expectations. I'm not sure my extra skin will ever disappear without surgery, even with weight training. So I'll never have the flat stomach I dreamed of or get rid of my upper arm issues.
But I have to keep asking myself if I'm where I need to be, why am I not satisfied. Is it because I've got such a quantitative brain and the 180 on the scale and size 10 on my clothes just weren't what I figured my end goal would be. I've been here for over a year and have just continuously bounced around weight wise.
I just think I need to reset my thinking. I'm much healthier and much happier than I used to be. And if eating 1400-1800 calories and working out 4x a week means I'm maintaining at this weight, maybe I just have to deal with that. When I was at 1200 calories, I was losing weight but it was a struggle. I just need to figure my thinking out. Because right now the 150s just seem unreachable to me.
Sorry for the blabbering and random thought process. Just like getting my thoughts out in type so I can reread them and think things over.
Love you Sparkfriends!