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    JSTETSER   86,509
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Dealing with hurtful people

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Finding balance, and protecting my heart.
Sometimes there are no easy answers… Finding the balance is not a simple process for me. There is an upcoming family event where I will be spending time with people who have been unkind and hurtful. If it were not for my mother, I would avoid the event all together.
Protecting my heart from cruel comments of people who have very different views is difficult. These people have a history of putting me down and belittling my views. Still, I do all that I can to help my mother.
I will get this upcoming encounter worked out, and I won’t stress about it because I’m happy.
They can't steal my joy if I don't let them.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 2/20/2014 5:21PM

    Hope it wasn't as bad as what you expected. HUGS!

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REGILIEH 2/19/2014 10:49PM

    AMEN!!! Don't let them steal your joy!!! I'm so sorry you have to be around them! It os so sweet of you to do it for your mother. Just keep remembering you are a good, kind and caring person and thank God He made you you and not one of them.

emoticon

Anne

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BAREFITNESS 2/19/2014 10:48PM

    Definitely think that last line should be your mantra during the family event. Stay close to your mom and remember why you are there.....don't let 'em get you down or even acknowledge their negative vibes! Stay positive!

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ROCKYCPA 2/19/2014 8:40PM

    You can do it - just have your confidence in yourself and ignore their comments!

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NELSONCHERYL59 2/19/2014 8:35PM

    amen sista, you preach it, and u go girl. u can do this...protect yourself, guard your heart, know who you are and don't let their words change what you know within your self.

i like to picture boundaries around me like pia melody shares in her codependency, boundary books (she is an author of recovery books). she says to picture a big old canning jar, all clear and cleaned out that you can put over yourself to protect yourself from others, a big jar boundary kinda thing. when people say unkind, hurtful things, picture their words bouncing off the jar and falling on the floor. they cannot get in, if we don't let them. now, i know that is easier said than done because... sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can break my heart... but, we need to protect our self from the hurtful words and actions of others. hurting people, hurt people.
you have some good positive determined things going on for yourself. keep up the good work.
i am rooting for you.
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NELLIEH1 2/19/2014 8:10PM

    Right on to jump in with both feet!! It is true, you won't let them steal your joy, for you are strong in the One who keeps you there!
Perhaps this time, as you've been praying for them, one or more of these hurtful ones will desire to know you better and the reason for your joy and strength! praying with/for you.

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PRESBESS 2/19/2014 3:24PM

    I am not saying it's easy, but, put Romans 12:21 into practice. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
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BAMAJAM 2/19/2014 2:58PM

  Look-- You have an army of support by Sparkers here!
You are indeed kind hearted to make this sacrifice for you dear mother.
You are right-- don't let them steal your joy!
Hugs!

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68ANNE 2/19/2014 1:44PM

    It is so hard even when you know that you control your response and feelings, not them

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DETERMINEDJANET 2/19/2014 12:56PM

    It's tough.... will keep you in my prayers.

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THINFITKINDVGAN 2/19/2014 11:21AM

    Yes there are cruel, unkind, unthinking, selfish and destructive people in the world.
I wouldn't recommend guarding your heart because it's like a shield where nothing can get through, even the love sent your way.

I'd avoid them if possible and be gentle and kind to them if not. They are battling the battle within and spiting it out on everyone, not just you.

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GRAMMYEAC 2/19/2014 10:50AM

    I often find that those who put you down, even in your close family circle, are the ones who are the most insecure and unhappy. They haven't yet mastered, or sometimes even acquired, the skills to fulfill themselves by themself. Their path to "happiness" is to deny happiness and warmth to someone else.

"Non carborundum illegitimati." -- "Don't let the b****rds wear you down."

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WHYNOTJ1 2/19/2014 9:47AM

    Do your best to limit your time with the hurtful folks. Practice your disengaging skills: "Excuse me, I need to refill my drink." or "Excuse me." (no excuse, just turn and walk away)! Find something to busy yourself. Take photos for your mom. Take yourself outside to "check phone messages" or "get a breath of air." Be sure to plan something nice for yourself as a reward afterwards!

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STARTINGINLIMBO 2/19/2014 9:47AM

    You're stronger than me. I'd not go.

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PGHP31CK 2/19/2014 9:33AM

    I'm going to echo BROOKLYN_BORN.

Over the past few years, when I walk into a situation like this one, I've prayed for protection and asked the Lord to literally put a shield over my heart so that darts would bounce rather than embed. I also work to practice forgiveness and let the hurts go. Hope this helps!

May the Lord surround you with His protection, and keep you from minding the stings!

Hugs!

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JACKIE542 2/19/2014 9:20AM

    So true, don't let them steal your joy. emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 2/19/2014 8:54AM

    I understand this all-too-well. Just keep the focus on your dear mother and ignore the rude folks.

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PHEBESS 2/19/2014 8:40AM

    Remember, sometimes we're stuck with family members we'd never choose if we had a chance. Grit your teeth, smile, and you can do it. (And come here to vent!)

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BE-THE-CHANGE 2/19/2014 8:24AM

    Don't let anyone steal your joy! Be happy knowing you are making your mom happy.

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1CRAZYDOG 2/19/2014 8:19AM

  ((((HUGS)))) You are wise to have a plan to deal with this stress. And I am sure it helps to have your DH's support as well.

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MARGARITTM 2/19/2014 7:36AM

    All good advice......best with your encounter.

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FERRETLOVER1 2/19/2014 7:30AM

    emoticon emoticon Stay Strong! emoticon emoticon

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SWEETNEEY 2/19/2014 7:30AM

    Be encouraged, you can do it

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MAMISHELI53 2/19/2014 7:22AM

    There will always be "haters." Know who you are, and how loved you are. God sure thought you were worth the Blood of Christ! emoticon Thanks for sharing the song link!

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SANDRALEET 2/19/2014 7:17AM

    When some one puts you down say God bless you to and walk away

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NUTRON3 2/19/2014 7:04AM

    I think every family has them, people like that are just unhappy people that want to make everyone else miserable

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CHERYLHURT 2/19/2014 6:41AM

  I'm 60 now and hurtful comments, ESPECIALLY those made by people I'm close to, are still devastating!

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BROOKLYN_BORN 2/19/2014 6:23AM

    It's especially difficult to hear hurtful comments from people who are supposed to care about you. Often you are advised to keep quiet to keep family peace. I've often wondered why the offenders never are given the same advice, or if they are, totally ignore it.
I used to visualize an invisible protective shield around my heart. Actually, it was an extension of a childhood commercial where some toothpaste put an :invisible protective shield around "happy tooth." Sounds silly, but it helped me.

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ROSE_626 2/19/2014 6:19AM

    It's best to ignore the negative people and see them for what they really are, insecure. Good luck! Enjoy your mom.

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LEANJEAN6 2/19/2014 5:56AM

    I agree--just be happy--You are worth it--Don't let the crazies get you down!!-Lynda emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/19/2014 5:56:31 AM

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MARYJOANNA 2/19/2014 5:45AM

  Kill them with kindness!

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