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JSTETSER
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Dealing with hurtful people

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Finding balance, and protecting my heart.
Sometimes there are no easy answers… Finding the balance is not a simple process for me. There is an upcoming family event where I will be spending time with people who have been unkind and hurtful. If it were not for my mother, I would avoid the event all together.
Protecting my heart from cruel comments of people who have very different views is difficult. These people have a history of putting me down and belittling my views. Still, I do all that I can to help my mother.
I will get this upcoming encounter worked out, and I won’t stress about it because I’m happy.
They can't steal my joy if I don't let them.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v MSLZZY
    Hope it wasn't as bad as what you expected. HUGS!
    858 days ago
  • v REGILIEH
    AMEN!!! Don't let them steal your joy!!! I'm so sorry you have to be around them! It os so sweet of you to do it for your mother. Just keep remembering you are a good, kind and caring person and thank God He made you you and not one of them.

    emoticon

    Anne
    859 days ago
  • v LUST4LIFE15
    Definitely think that last line should be your mantra during the family event. Stay close to your mom and remember why you are there.....don't let 'em get you down or even acknowledge their negative vibes! Stay positive!
    859 days ago
  • v ROCKYCPA
    You can do it - just have your confidence in yourself and ignore their comments!
    859 days ago
  • v NELSONCHERYL59
    amen sista, you preach it, and u go girl. u can do this...protect yourself, guard your heart, know who you are and don't let their words change what you know within your self.

    i like to picture boundaries around me like pia melody shares in her codependency, boundary books (she is an author of recovery books). she says to picture a big old canning jar, all clear and cleaned out that you can put over yourself to protect yourself from others, a big jar boundary kinda thing. when people say unkind, hurtful things, picture their words bouncing off the jar and falling on the floor. they cannot get in, if we don't let them. now, i know that is easier said than done because... sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can break my heart... but, we need to protect our self from the hurtful words and actions of others. hurting people, hurt people.
    you have some good positive determined things going on for yourself. keep up the good work.
    i am rooting for you.
    emoticon
    859 days ago
  • v NELLIEH1
    Right on to jump in with both feet!! It is true, you won't let them steal your joy, for you are strong in the One who keeps you there!
    Perhaps this time, as you've been praying for them, one or more of these hurtful ones will desire to know you better and the reason for your joy and strength! praying with/for you.
    859 days ago
  • v PRESBESS
    I am not saying it's easy, but, put Romans 12:21 into practice. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
    emoticon
    859 days ago
  • v BAMAJAM
    Look-- You have an army of support by Sparkers here!
    You are indeed kind hearted to make this sacrifice for you dear mother.
    You are right-- don't let them steal your joy!
    Hugs!
    860 days ago
  • v 68ANNE
    It is so hard even when you know that you control your response and feelings, not them
    860 days ago
  • v DETERMINEDJANET
    It's tough.... will keep you in my prayers.
    860 days ago
  • v THINFITFEMINIST
    Yes there are cruel, unkind, unthinking, selfish and destructive people in the world.
    I wouldn't recommend guarding your heart because it's like a shield where nothing can get through, even the love sent your way.

    I'd avoid them if possible and be gentle and kind to them if not. They are battling the battle within and spiting it out on everyone, not just you.
    860 days ago
  • v GRAMMYEAC
    I often find that those who put you down, even in your close family circle, are the ones who are the most insecure and unhappy. They haven't yet mastered, or sometimes even acquired, the skills to fulfill themselves by themself. Their path to "happiness" is to deny happiness and warmth to someone else.

    "Non carborundum illegitimati." -- "Don't let the b****rds wear you down."
    860 days ago
  • v WHYNOTJ1
    Do your best to limit your time with the hurtful folks. Practice your disengaging skills: "Excuse me, I need to refill my drink." or "Excuse me." (no excuse, just turn and walk away)! Find something to busy yourself. Take photos for your mom. Take yourself outside to "check phone messages" or "get a breath of air." Be sure to plan something nice for yourself as a reward afterwards!
    860 days ago
  • v STARTINGINLIMBO
    You're stronger than me. I'd not go.
    860 days ago
  • v PGHP31CK
    I'm going to echo BROOKLYN_BORN.

    Over the past few years, when I walk into a situation like this one, I've prayed for protection and asked the Lord to literally put a shield over my heart so that darts would bounce rather than embed. I also work to practice forgiveness and let the hurts go. Hope this helps!

    May the Lord surround you with His protection, and keep you from minding the stings!

    Hugs!
    860 days ago
  • v JACKIE542
    So true, don't let them steal your joy. emoticon
    860 days ago
  • v SLIMMERJESSE
    I understand this all-too-well. Just keep the focus on your dear mother and ignore the rude folks.
    860 days ago
  • v PHEBESS
    Remember, sometimes we're stuck with family members we'd never choose if we had a chance. Grit your teeth, smile, and you can do it. (And come here to vent!)
    860 days ago
  • v BE-THE-CHANGE
    Don't let anyone steal your joy! Be happy knowing you are making your mom happy.
    860 days ago
  • v 1CRAZYDOG
    ((((HUGS)))) You are wise to have a plan to deal with this stress. And I am sure it helps to have your DH's support as well.
    860 days ago
  • v MARGARITTM
    All good advice......best with your encounter.
    860 days ago
  • v FERRETLOVER1
    emoticon emoticon Stay Strong! emoticon emoticon
    860 days ago
  • v SWEETNEEY
    Be encouraged, you can do it
    860 days ago
  • v MAMISHELI53
    There will always be "haters." Know who you are, and how loved you are. God sure thought you were worth the Blood of Christ! emoticon Thanks for sharing the song link!
    860 days ago
  • v SANDRALEET
    When some one puts you down say God bless you to and walk away
    860 days ago
  • v NUTRON3
    I think every family has them, people like that are just unhappy people that want to make everyone else miserable
    860 days ago
  • v CHERYLHURT
    I'm 60 now and hurtful comments, ESPECIALLY those made by people I'm close to, are still devastating!
    860 days ago
  • v BROOKLYN_BORN
    It's especially difficult to hear hurtful comments from people who are supposed to care about you. Often you are advised to keep quiet to keep family peace. I've often wondered why the offenders never are given the same advice, or if they are, totally ignore it.
    I used to visualize an invisible protective shield around my heart. Actually, it was an extension of a childhood commercial where some toothpaste put an :invisible protective shield around "happy tooth." Sounds silly, but it helped me.
    860 days ago
  • v ROSE_626
    It's best to ignore the negative people and see them for what they really are, insecure. Good luck! Enjoy your mom.
    860 days ago
  • v LEANJEAN6
    I agree--just be happy--You are worth it--Don't let the crazies get you down!!-Lynda emoticon
    860 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/19/2014 5:56:31 AM
  • v MARYJOANNA
    Kill them with kindness!
    860 days ago
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