Break up to wake up #sorrynotsorry
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Just 2 weeks and a day shy of its 2 year anniversary, the relationship that started with so much quirky, nerdy, geeky, healthy promise came to a sudden close.
Actually "sudden" is a bit misleading. Decay had begun to creep in long before, but we, not wanting to spoil the daydream of the couple we "could be" chose to ignore it, leaving it unaddressed and free to spread its dry black mouldy spores all over the place ultimately consuming the flame that we thought would never die. Die it did.
Though I've been perpetually cycling through the stages of grief I've realized some important things.
1. If you're not really ready to commit, then you probably shouldn't try to be in a serious relationship. Neither of us were really ready to commit, but we saw each other as people we could be committed to...eventually. This isn't an issue of being unfaithful, just of the need to be selfish for a bit before sacrificing yourself for someone else and having them do the same for you. We both were trying to be selfish and be in a relationship at the same time, no bueno.
2. Communication is key, and not just the simple act of communicating but understanding how your significant other interprets the way you communicate (words, actions, gestures) and how they intend for their actions words and gestures to be understood. We were from two different worlds (we always said that I was from Jupiter...one of Jupiter's moons actually, and he was from Mars), had two very different upbringings, and two very different life experiences, so we definitely should have worked on communicating more and more effectively.
3. Long distance is probably not a good idea at the beginning of a relationship. I think we were both so excited about each other that we didn't want to lose what we thought we had found so when he had to move (after us only knowing each other for a few months) we didn't want to risk losing out. I had always sworn off long distance relationships, so I really had no idea what I was in for. I thought I was up for the challenge, but without a plan, and with how busy our lives got and how we each were going in different directions, the distance just got the best of us.
4. Life goes on. I'm always reminded of the quote, "...but did you die?" Stuff happens, but as long as we didn't die I think the experience teaches us to be better people and more equipped to handle stuff that's gonna happen in the future.
I think the best and hardest part of the whole thing is knowing that I'll find someone who's better for me, but also knowing that he'll find someone who's better for him too. I guess that's that selfish part.
So for the sum of the relationship I can say that I'm sorry that we couldn't make it work, but not sorry that we tried.