Tuesday, February 18, 2014
So I case you are wondering, my blog titles are all coming from songs lately. Any Pixies fans in the house?
And that’s where I am at today: soooo tired. I have not been sleeping well. I guess I can say that Im doing ‘research’ to find out just how bad it is too let you kids have a cell phone that they have unrestricted use of. Because after staying up to watch the Premier of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon on NBC (ended midnite my local time) I stayed up oh another half hour scrolling Tumblr. Because Im sick like that. And Iv noticed that, even though Iv been going to bed when I usually would have (midnight –ish) my sleep is very broken. Like I wake up several times a night. I think Iv read somewhere that late night use of electronics does that. I didn’t really believe it, as I would always stay up watching TV until my eyes got heavy and then conk right out. Now it might be the ‘subject matter’ on my mind as well. (If you don’t know what I mean just go to my home page)
So, I am sad to say, I really must start restricting my Tumblr use. Its going to be hard. What if I miss a lovely image of Ben? Oh this sickness runs deep, my friends. I already know I have an addictive personality, so acceptance is the first step. Because I cant go on with the crappy sleep business. I am hardly effective. And I KNOW when I eat right, exercise and GET 8 HRS of SLEEP, I lose more weight. Iv lost 2 pounds in the last week already. I want to KILL IT this time! I mean break my goal weight, get buff, do all the things Im afraid of!
I have few special spark friends who have been motivating me, cheering me when I sad, there for me for whatever! Ladies, you are the BOMB, did you know that!? I am so happy for my spark friends. Because I had a bit of a setback last night. My husband said something to me that could totally de-rail me again. And I am a bit scared that it could. He asked me why Iv been so affectionate lately and was I getting it somewhere else? (only in my head, love) Cuz he was not going to be able to help me. And I was, shocked. I said I just wanted to show him some sugar, he was cute and got me a really sweet gift and card for Valentines. And, ya know, maybe if I showed him some affection, he would show me ‘some affection’. Cuz, I DO need it. Bad. Im so scared, because I know we will have to have a talk soon, and I can only postpone so long. Its been too long already. But I have momentum now, all the changes I have been making in myself. This is the natural arc, that this would come up, and I sense that I will only hurt myself if I continue to postpone.
Thanks all! Love, Daphne