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Finishing day 45 and some serious thoughtful moments of Spark

Monday, February 17, 2014

I tend to blog yesterday's happenings but want to catch up to feel even with ONEKIDSMOM and the Mentally Tough class I graduated with!
I grabbed the big girl panties and ran with them today, feeling back in control although soooo tired.

My thoughtful moments come with haunting blogs from some long term Spark friends.
We know each other in writing and have different feelings of connections to each. Just like friends in our "real" lives. We talked of visiting.
One day some of us received a message from a friend's spouse; he logged on to tell of her sudden passing.
It was a hmmm moment for me.
So what happens?
I have several friends who just disappeared. No goodbye, no I'm outa here. We knew each others deepest fears and triumphs.
Then there is my dear friend who I know has a short time left. Probably knew her diagnosis before she had it confirmed. I check in every day. It's been a while since she had the energy to write a blog.
So, what happens?
Do we continue on and hope someone lets us know? Pretend they are coming back?
When do I stop checking?
I enjoy cheering my friends on, helping out the problems, lending an ear or giving advice even when it is not solicited.
I guess I don't like the waiting, the not knowing, knowing the inevitable.
Do we go on like they will be back or let them drop from our pages like dried leaves from the fall trees?

We are so connected yet disconnected.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I agree. I had a close sparkfriend die. Everyone knew how close we were. I wrote to her email account when she disappeared begging her to tell me she was okay. Her husband answered and told me she was dead. He came home from work and she was gone. I felt like I had punched in the stomach. He knew who I was and told me how much she enjoyed our friendship. I still cry when I think about it.
    1459 days ago
    I've certainly experienced the sudden disappearance of dear Spark friends with whom I've felt a strong connection, and it's worrisome and disconcerting.

    Some have come back. Others are still MIA and perhaps have passed away.

    It appears that all we can do is value the connection that "was" and let it be. Not optimal but perhaps there are no other options.

    I do hope that my DH would let folks here know if I got hit by a bus!!
    1461 days ago
    I have thought about this too. I decided that I would give the "silent" sparkers a few months and if I don't see them on my page or in threads we had in common then I will take them off my spark friend list until they contact me. It's not that I don't want to support them through tough times, but I feel like this is a place where I cheerlead success and surround myself with people who are active. Lots of people are not ready for spark people or their lives become too complicated to include sparking. It takes energy to keep checking on silent pages and if people truly want to change they will have to make changes themselves, which means finding active groups and friends and communicating.

    I wondered though if there should be a way for "friends" to be updated if someone passes away. A way for their page to commemorate their life. It's an interesting thought. I really am sorry for the loss of your friend. Some of my spark friends are so precious to me. Thanks for postiong this blog. I would bet that on one of the general blog sites the thought would be communicated to spark leaders who might have input to what could be done.
    1461 days ago
    I understand how you feel about friends who go silent here on SP. It is a mystery.
    It is also a real loss. Sometimes we are told about a death. Sometimes we are left to wonder what happened.

    On occasion, when the internet goes down for some reason, I am aware of how keenly I would miss this community if I could not ever connect again.

    My friends here are an important part of my life.

    I think about all of you. I care about all of you.

    I have told my husband to log on and post an announcement if anything sudden happened to me. I'm not sure he would think about doing it though.


    1461 days ago
    You leave thoughtful comments on their spark page.

    My beloved mother-in-law was very active on a social media website called A2K. She made some very good friends and made trips to meet some of them. She had a group she met when she was visiting us in MA and she also made trips on her own to NYC. She was very well known on the website.

    When she was dying, my husband sent some emails to a friend of hers that was on the website and that friend updated the others. When she died, he posted a message from her account. Then the testimonies, witnessing and loving condolences came flooding in on the page. Close to 200 messages. It was powerful. It was healing. It was beautiful.

    It provided a place for those friends to grieve and it helped us to know that my almost totally house-bound mother-in-law had so many good friends who truly loved her.

    1461 days ago
    So true, and so haunting. Some of the people who inspired me most (and still do) have gone silent. Their Spark accounts are still active, yet, no blogs, no status... and I hope they are OK, but if they are anything like me, absence is not necessarily a good sign.

    And if I were to suddenly pass, there would be no one to log on to my account and tell you all, although I would hope that one of my siblings (ALICIA363, MOBYCARP, or SPINNINGJW) would think enough of my Spark connections to post a comment publicly on my Spark Page to let y'all know!

    It is possible that some of our Spark lives are so individual that no one else in the "meet space" has access or would think to post. And then of course there have been some who came back to say they had a medical issue and are recovering now... always glad to see them back and offer encouragement... because face it, we're none of us getting younger (even though we are getting fitter).

    That came home to me today at the gym. I spotted some folks I used to go to church with... they are probably another 15 or 20 years older than I am... and of course they didn't recognize me at all (I'm a good 80 pounds or more lighter than when they served with me), nor did I go up to them and speak. This is our future... clearly none of us are as young as we used to be.

    But I'm rambling... it doesn't matter how we lose track, we lose track in real life as well... what matters I guess is that we care. And that caring is real, whether we're in daily touch or not.

    Ponder on. Stay strong. And find an answer of peace. Because clearly people enter our lives, online or off, for "a reason, a season, or a lifetime".

    1461 days ago
    May the soul of our friend RIP
    1461 days ago
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