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    ZANNACHAN   94,392
80,000-99,999 SparkPoints

Love Letter to myself

Monday, February 17, 2014

Like many of my sparks friends doing this challenge, I really struggled with writing this but then I went to write to someone else "It's because it's hard that it's important to do" and realized that I should be saying this to myself.

So here's mine.

Dear Zannachan,

I know it's sometimes hard to see, but you are strong, stubborn, smart, capable and nice. I know right now you are feeling overwhelmed--anyone would feel overwhelmed with what you are juggling! You've talked to enough other people in grad school to know that this stage IS really hard, and yow know that you have had the extra challenge of juggling the redone comps and the deadline for the dissertation at the same time. You have conquered all... you know this material inside and out.... you are articulate, educated, and informed.

You are not as invisible as you think you are! I know that, too, is hard to believe, but enough people keep saying that so it must be true. You may not be the best fencer on the list--give yourself a break, girl! Many of the people you fence have been doing this for 15 or more years... and try not to compare yourself to the young'uns who are almost 20 years younger than you are--they may be stronger, more flexible, and have more endurance, but you are tempered steel. You know how to overcome, how to be determined, and consistent, and to not give up. You've already overcome challenges that they haven't even faced yet. That counts too. And the fact that the young new fencers still have to work to keep up with you--own that! You do not suck. You've even had people compliment you on your progress and tell you that you are a fun person to fence, and even that you are good at teaching without being patronizing or intimidating.

You are not invisible in other ways. You love to teach and you are good at it--believe people when they say so! People remember your kumihimo--especially the karakumi. They remember that you are friendly and willing to answer questions and to show them how to do it and to learn kumihimo and other crafts. They recognize your willingness to help out when you can--behind the scenes is not the same thing as invisible! So stop hiding. You don't need to hide.

Learn a lesson from one of your friends this weekend and learn to take compliments without trying to deflect them, because they are sincerely meant. It's fine---and even good to be humble--but you are too hard on yourself. You would never be so critical of anyone else--why do you insist on setting impossibly high standards for yourself and then berate yourself because you don't achieve them?

Remember the most important thing--you ARE loved and you ARE worth it. You are worth the effort. You are worth the effort it takes to get fitter and stronger. You are worth the effort it takes to buy and prepare good food. To get a good night's sleep. You have people who are willing to help you out--let them! You are worth talking to. You are worth taking the time out for yourself sometimes.

*hugs and love and tea* Because I know tea is what is keeping you going right now.

Oh, yeah, and go eat, silly!



Member Comments About This Blog Post:
COOLMAMA11 4/17/2014 3:24PM

    Love your letter Zanna, I found mine hard to write also, I think sometimes we under rate ourselves!

Hugs Elaine emoticon

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KEC1974 3/31/2014 6:00AM

    What a beautiful letter! I hope you re-read it frequently. You are an amazing, talented woman and a really great human being. :)

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PINKYYSUEE 3/4/2014 6:24PM

    Great letter...thanks for posting

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FUNGIRL81005 2/20/2014 11:45AM

    How wonderful!!
I ditto "-why do you insist on setting impossibly high standards for yourself and then berate yourself because you don't achieve them? " That is me!! Yep yep....
emoticon emoticon

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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 2/18/2014 4:39PM

    I could have written most of that letter (except the grad school part of course emoticon ) myself. There are too many times when I have felt invisible. Too many times when I berate myself for not being perfect.

I think this is a brilliant love letter. You own your strengths as well as your weaknesses. I know I've said this before you are one of my inspirations to keep going... because you do and you never, ever give up completely. You may have days when you say I'm done! I can't do this anymore. You take a little time and then bounce back and rock on.

Love you!

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REFORMDEB 2/17/2014 10:11PM

    This is a wonderful letter Zanna!

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USMAWIFE 2/17/2014 9:04PM

    great letter


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HHOLT6 2/17/2014 8:16PM

    emoticon It is hard to write letters to ourselves and then to make it public... that is courageous.

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JENSHAINES 2/17/2014 2:49PM

    Very thorough and a very honest conversation. And yes, go eat, Silly! But also drink water along with the tea....

And yes, by all means, take ALL offers of help!

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CIPHER1971 2/17/2014 2:46PM

    You are an awesome person, but I agree with you - go eat emoticon

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LADY_MARIANA 2/17/2014 2:10PM

    That's a fantastic letter--impressively written, honest, and strong. I hope that you can internalize the message! emoticon

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BHEALTHY4MYSELF 2/17/2014 1:21PM

    emoticon Love your letter. You are definitely worth it!

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    Great letter! emoticon

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