Saturday, February 15, 2014
This is a fairly long vent, so if you don't get through it I understand.
I hate my job. I have an action plan to leave, but I am just not sure I can get through the next 3 months (have to make it until oldest is done with her course in May) let alone the next 6 at my current main income job. As most of you know, I work from home about 25 hours per week and hold a more than full-time job outside the home (45-50 hours a week). This has turned into a recipe for a very volatile home environment. In the past few weeks I have spent more time in tears because of being overwhelmed than I can remember in a very long time. I don't think I was this emotionally on edge even after Mom passed away last May.
I have a very supportive family, but they are receiving the brunt of my anger and frustration, and if I am honest they really don't deserve this. They are there for me no matter what, but I have felt like a complete failure as a wife and mother due to all the stress at main income job. I am working on my resume and will be sending it out to a few places soon to see if I can find something else before August 2014. Right now if I could find either a part-time job that had a higher hourly wage or a regular full-time job (ie. 35-40 hours a week not 45-50) that paid the same or slightly less to start would be fine. I am just tired of getting up every weekday morning dreading going to work. The person who has fought for me for the past 4 years at this job is leaving for a better job elsewhere and quite honestly with how much his mood has changed over the past week since he found out I am jealous. I was hoping it would be me leaving this place before him. I am extremely happy for him and wish him all the best. He has told me to use him as a reference while job hunting and I hope that we can remain friends after we no longer work together.
My hubby has been a saint even though he has been cried on so much in the last few days. I have said some very stupid things that I now regret. I am going to see my family doctor soon to discuss the possibility that part of my physical symptoms may actually be related to anxiety or depression (although I am not really sure I am depressed just extremely stressed).
If I could make over $2,500 per month doing my transcription job I would just stay home and do that, but I am simply not fast enough yet to make that a possibility.
I know that this is affecting my maintenance as well because I am once again eating sporadically and not necessarily the healthiest. My stomach has been in knots so often that I have not wanted to eat or eating causes me to feel nauseated. I will also be seeing my gastrointerologist at the end of the month and I will discuss the same issues with him that I do with my GP and see what answers he gives me. I am just tired of feeling like I am 92 instead of 42.
Thank you if you made it this far.