My body is adjusting. Slowly.
Friday, February 14, 2014
So have I recovered from last weekend's binge on foods that might kill me? I don't know. I'm still constipated. I know, an entire week. My stomach hates me, this might be my reminder NOT to give into those urges next time I'm at my parents house.
I've actually eaten really well since then. Ok. Rephrase. NOT really well, but well for my control freaking out mind. I've barely eaten. And only fruits and veggies and turkey bacon. I just haven't been hungry. This week has been awful. So met with my personal trainer Monday, I felt so bloated and sick and whatnot. It was a GREAT session, I was so sore! YAY! I did a great quick 15 min run where I got down to a 7:30 min mile, awesomeness! I also did my spin class. "Ran" at work (non stop moving and walking around for 8 hours straight), ate freggies all day. Tuesday. I honestly don't remember. Light elliptical workout, I think the food was very minimal as well. Then enter PAX, dun dun dunnnnnn! Snow plus NC equal chaos. Soooo. I'm an essential worker at work. That's what you get for working in a hospital, we never close! I woke up to snow Wednesday morning, went to the gym, did my ST routine, had a great cardio session. 1.5 hours later? Roads were AWFUL. I didn't have to be in to work for a few more hours, but I got home, showered, grabbed a change of scrubs, extra food (apple, 2 clementines, carrot slices, and snow peas - completely appropriate, if I say so myself!), toiletries, phone charger, etc. I knew I'd be spending the night at work, I just didn't know if I'd be lucky enough to get a hotel room or a bed somewhere in the hospital! I got to work, first shift started to leave, and three of us on second made it in. But that's ok, we finished reference by 6pm, but getting to 7pm when we were only dealing with in patients was rough. Three people doing what five do is difficult. So 11 pm comes and a coworker and I got a hotel room, yay! And wine at the hotel! Sweet! But this is NO protein all day. I was feeling it, I almost fainted. Luckily, again, the hotel had peanuts. Yum. Between the two of us, we ate half the container! Ugh. I was so full the next day! So enter Thursday. We take the first shuttle we know of back to the hospital and the hospital is giving us free food, yay! So around 12 I finally ate a salad. On it? Some egg, cucumbers, and cherry tomatoes. Pathetic. At least I got SOME protein. So we started work at 12 and I take my break at 8 and eat an apple (my normal meal at work). We find out that the hospital is doing free food again for employees working the night, so I stocked up. I got a container of cucumbers, grapes, chickpeas, bell peppers, carrots, and some more egg. We were going to nibble on rabbit food, drink more wine, and eat more peanuts. And that's what we did when we found out we got another hotel room! Awesome! But again. I ate WAY too many peanuts, and I still feel bloated this afternoon. So again, we take the first shuttle back to work. Today is my day off and I planned on going straight home, but I needed to make sure that no one from 2nd called out. I spoke with my manager who was like "just go home" haha, I was a hot mess wearing my hoodie 3 sizes too big and no makeup. We just didn't care at this point. So I went home.
Then I weighed myself. I was scared. It's the middle of the day, I'm bloated on peanuts, I'm constipated, I had NO cardio yesterday (the first thing my friend and I noticed at the hotel was WINE, the 2nd thing was FITNESS ROOM, the 3rd was we have no workout clothes :( ... yeah, we're both obsessed with our weight and working out. It doesn't help she's a recovering anorexic). But I did it anyways. SURPRISE! 136.2! Completely happy with that! So my weight has recovered from last weekend, and I know it's higher than normal because I'm bloated, because I'm constipated, because it was the middle of the day, etc. But, I'm happy.
Here is a change in tune though. I'm about to go on my spin bike and just go crazy. I'm not driving to the gym, it's still a mess out there, but it's drivable. I'll drive there tomorrow so I can run on the treadmill and do my ST. When I got back to the hospital today something was wrong. You could sense it. A coworker died last night in a car crash. He hit black ice and hit a telephone pole and the electrical wires came down. The ambulances couldn't get to him. I'm in shock. I mean first, you have this snow storm. We're mentally drained. My friend and I have pretty much been living at the hospital, working non stop, and getting a hotel room at night and coming back to repeat. I'm so glad I'm off today, but it sucks for my friend who has to work again today. So we're mentally drained and we find out Thomas is dead. Just like that. Boom. Gone. It doesn't work that way. It can't work that way. As soon as I got to my car I broke down and started crying. As soon as my friend gets to be alone, the same will happen. I know it will. Thomas was awesome. The passenger in the car survived though. We don't know who it is, we don't know the persons name. Their a patient in the hospital, they probably won't tell us. The news will though, they'll have to. It's been all over the news. Just another tragedy due to PAX. He's a statistic according to them. Instead of the 21 dead on the news we saw last night, it'll be 22 - or more. I'm still in shock, but I know that the tears helped me to process it. He had such a vibrant personality, everyone loved him, he wasn't known just in his department, but throughout the entire lab. Everyone knows Thomas. This is the first loss that I've had to deal with, and I'm thankful for that. None of my family members have passed and I've never been to a funeral. But to lose a teammate, a coworker, a friend, it's awful, it's wrong. He was my age! People in their late 20s and early 30s, we aren't suppose to die! We still have our lives to live! We were suppose to go to a restaurant that he's never been to before. We were going to go on the next weekend where none of us worked to get sushi and mimosas. We were going to get mani/pedis. We were going to be awesome. Now we never will. This just isn't right. I might have only known him for 8 months or so, but those 8 months with him were awesome. He made work that much more enjoyable. Never again will we hear "I've got pudding pops!" Never again will I hear him go "I've got a homo!" I'll definitely miss his infectious laughter and amazing attitude. I'm going to miss his smile, his personality, his dedication to his job and his willingness to help us as much as he can.
Ok, but time to spin and get my cardio done. I will focus on the positives. I need to.
No more peanuts either, I'm so bloated from them! I can't wait for some HOT food. I'm going to make jalapeno poppers. I have the meat that needs to be cooked ASAP and I'm going to make it spicy and make a tomato sauce for it. But I don't have tomato paste to thicken it! Ugh. I'm not going to the store. After this cardio, I'm taking a shower and a bath. I'm going to use Bath and Body Works aromatherapy lotion (buy it! It smells SO good and the smell lingers. It's so relaxing and calming). I'm going to put on CLEAN clothes and snuggle up by the fireplace with my kitty, who has desperately missed me, watch the snow melt, read my book, drink some wine, and maybe even watch a movie. Maybe I'll be stereotypical and watch Valentine's Day! It's going to be a me day and I'm not going to think about work and how I have to be there this weekend. WIthout Thomas.
Time to spin. I'm out.