Friday, February 14, 2014
Okay, as expected, it was a shinola weigh-in.
Since joining SP in December, I have lost 2 pounds, gained a pound, lost a pound, gained 2 pounds, lost 3 pounds, gained a pound, lost 2 pounds, gained a pound, etc.
So I officially weigh 2 pounds less than I did when I started 2 months ago, up a pound from last week's weigh-in, and it's hard not to feel discouraged.
No, I didn't track perfectly last week... but I didn't binge! I ate salads! I got on the treadmill! I really loathe to think that the only life I will have from here on out is one where I have to run to my laptop every 4 hours after (or before) I've eaten. I'm okay with tracking as a tool as long as I feel confident that I can fade it out eventually and eat intuitively; I really don't want my permanent future to be filled with calorie-counting.
I've maintained this weight for years and years without tracking calories. It is VERY tempting to just throw in the towel, accept that this is where my body "wants" to be, and stop logging in. But I know that's not what I REALLY want, because I am now constantly asking myself:
Was the old way really working?
I would love for it to NOT take 6 months for me to get my weight loss to actually START. But it's sort of looking like that's a possibility. I'm not sure if what's better: to accept that I keep making mistakes (or more like the same mistake over and over again) and forgive myself, or to just stop making the darn mistakes. I mean, of COURSE I know which one is better... but not making mistakes is obviously not in the cards for me.
I guess the good news is that I feel markedly less angry with myself than I have after every other bad weigh-in, and that I have, as of this morning, started tracking everything I eat. Again.