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    ~INDYGIRL   96,290
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Personal Struggles Happen- A Venting

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Thursday, February 13, 2014

Never think that you are alone with personal struggles. They happen to all of us, me included. I've been fighting with weight gain lately because I stopped tracking and I had steroid shots. Why did I stop tracking when I know it works? I got lazy, plain and simple. I know I need to track my food and exercise to succeed, but wanted to believe I could estimate things well enough this late in the game. Not true. Once you build a healthy habit that works, stick with it.

So what am I feeling? Well, I gained about 25 pounds, so I feel ashamed. I feel like hiding and calling myself names and upset that my thin clothes don't fit as well. I've lost 5 of those pounds and I'm going to lose more. Why? Because personal struggles happen and regain has happened to me before and I have beaten it.

The secret is to never ever look at it like it's the end of the world. Regain happens and when it does, you have to figure out why. Have you dropped a healthy habit? Have you picked up a bad one? Are you tired of your new lifestyle? If it's the last one, think about how much your old lifestyle really sucked the life out of you. Then think of what you can do to change up your new lifestyle to a fresh perspective. Perhaps you need some healthy habits that suit your lifestyle better than the ones you began with. As you grow and evolve, so will your lifestyle. Keep changing things up and trying new things.

I struggle with watching some of my close friends. They have had the weight loss surgery and weight comes off either quickly or they are able to eat things they want, while I have to watch everything that goes in my mouth and take weight off very very slowly- over 9 years to be exact. I don't begrudge them their success, but I do get jealous. It's very hard not to and it makes me want to just give up at times because I can't "keep up." But it isn't about keeping up or losing weight in a certain amount of time for me. I had the same chance to have surgery if I wanted it, but did not take it. I knew it was about getting my head straight for me and my fear of surgery and complications was much greater than my desire for rapid weight loss. It still is. It takes a brave soul to undergo weight loss surgery. So while I don't begrudge them their success, it is so hard to see what took me 9 years to take off, come off of someone else in a matter of months. It is hard to watch someone else be able to eat foods I can't and still lose weight. But such is life. I just have to admit that it isn't a race and I can't keep up. I'm going to lose weight slowly, frustrating as that may be.

So in the end, what am I doing about my weight gain and my frustration with my non-existent race? I've recommitted to tracking my food and looked back at some of my original healthy habits like measuring. I've clicked the SparkPeople START button and edited my goals and upped the pounds I want to lose per week to give myself more of a challenge because I think my body is in a bit of a rut with the old calorie range. It's okay to realize my reasons for frustration, but not okay to make excuses for them. I'm taking back my healthy program old school.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ENUFF81020 2/17/2014 2:12AM

    Hi there,
I don't often respond to these blogs, but I want to offer up something that I came to realize is part of my current issue--the same old issues are back: big stress, big health issues and pain, and this long, difficult winter. I have been on track for some 7 or so years, but not so much recently and even my streaks aren't as important to me. I figured out that I have such a great need to get past these sub-zero temps that are causing me pain and discomfort and are making my regular life hard that many things have gotten lost in the meantime. Now that I noticed it, I seem to be creeping back to my healthy/ healthier place.

I think that blaming things on the weather seems like such a "cop-out," but this has been a season unlike any I can remember since 1979. Snow on top of snow and ice for so many and day after day of temperatures and wind chills that hit 20 to 30 below zero has made an impact on our thinking and functioning, especially with all of the problems that came with them.

Something to think about--it helped me to recognize what was really messing with the quality of my living!!
Gentle hugs,
Sylvia

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EDDYMEESE 2/16/2014 11:22PM

    You're learning how to not only take it off, but keep it off...and I worry that people who get the surgery don't always do that because the journey is so different. You're doing a great job recognizing what you need to work on!

Comment edited on: 2/16/2014 11:29:01 PM

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DEEDAYE 2/16/2014 1:46PM

    Living in shame keeps us stuck in negative patterns. Honest assessment is the first step. emoticon

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CHERIJ16 2/15/2014 8:29AM

    Thank you for sharing. I am experiencing the same pattern only on a smaller scale. I only lost 30 lbs. and have gained 10 lbs. back. I know what I have to do but I have been lazy. I have been tracking again and attempting to get back to my 10,000 steps a day. My blood sugar readings are higher and I know that's not healthy. Your story allows me to feel human and to keep trying each day. emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/15/2014 8:29:58 AM

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AQUAGIRL08 2/15/2014 8:27AM

    Boy o boy! It is almost like reading about myself! I have been struggling for the last 4 months due to steroids and illness. It is so heartening to read that you are in the same boat. I am saying right here, right now, that I am recommitting to tracking and staying on plan. Thanks for the inspiration, Beth!!!

Comment edited on: 2/15/2014 8:27:44 AM

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I_R_WORTH_IT 2/15/2014 8:25AM

    Thank you for sharing...yes, we can beat ourselves to death....I sure do/have....

We all slip, fall, flop and fly...the main thing to remember, is, it is ALL about "ME".

Its hard to shut out what "THEY" might think of "ME"...do they think I look good? DO they think Im good enough? Do they approve of me?

Who are "they"? "they" are the photo shopping wizards of magazine glamour, the multi mega money bilking beasts known as the fashion guides, model makers, medical crap pushers and over all seekers to make "ME" feel as miserable as possible in my own skin to do ANYTHING to try and reach their idea of acceptable...

Well, foo on "they"! They will never know the real and inner me...why? they cant see past the bottom line to see people, we are all just little dollar signs running around...no matter size, color, weight, origin, etc...

ANYWAY...you are a "ME"! Ignore the "THEY" and love the best you that you are everyday!

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FAITH2BWELL 2/15/2014 3:17AM

    Very good blog, Do what you have to do for you, You can do it.

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TREYONE 2/14/2014 11:58PM

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123ELAINE456 2/14/2014 11:26PM

  Thank You for sharing all of this with us. We all go through things like this. You are not the only one. We are all in this together on our journeys through life. You Can do it. Start tracking your food at all times. I think that is the secret in losing weight alone with exercise and lifestyle changes. This is the WAY TO GO!!! I came home from the hospital Tuesday afternoon for the second time this year. I wrote a blog in my Spark Page yesterday . Please read it. It will take you from when I had my First Heart Attack 7/23/2013. Would like to talk to you sometime soon. God Blessings to You and your Husband Always. May God be with the both of you too. Have a Happy Valentines Day too. Hope that You can do something Special to Celebrate It Too. Have a Wonderful Week. Elaine.





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IMREITE 2/14/2014 10:53PM

    years ago, i lost a bunch of weight. i stopped several of the healthy habits that got me there. of course then weight gain occurs. so i know i need to take inventory and refocus on getting back those healthy habits.

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LOLA_LALA 2/14/2014 8:00PM

    emoticon

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 2/14/2014 7:26PM

    emoticon
.**.*-::-. ;..-::-
".;** .* ) Victoria ( -::- )
*.*-::-. ;... -::- Doctor Oz Show Fans Team Leader

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IMEMINE1 2/14/2014 6:14PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SUPERSYLPH 2/14/2014 3:38PM

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LIZSPRINGSTEEN 2/14/2014 3:00PM

    You can do this sweetie! I stopped tracking off and on in the last 3 years, but so far I've been tracking for over 5 months straight cuz I know whenever I stop tracking, I gain!

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AJDOVER1 2/14/2014 2:57PM

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BARBARAROSE54 2/14/2014 2:42PM

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LOVINGKATE 2/14/2014 2:07PM

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8HABIT 2/14/2014 1:58PM

    I know people who had the weight loss surgery and now they are gaining the weight back which I think is dangerous.

NEVER, never give up! You are so wise to start tracking again and working toward your goals. We all fight the battle you are fighting.

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SOSIREGIME 2/14/2014 1:45PM

    Thanks for this. I'm in the same boat, and I've decided that I must get back to tracking. It's sad - I track well during the day, and then lately, just seem to throw my hands up at night and eat the world. Thanks for sharing and being there for me - it's good to know that we are fighting together!

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PATTYR81 2/14/2014 1:30PM

    THANKS for sharing! I've been there and done that way too many times to count. We just gotta keep on keepin' on!

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PATTISTAMPS 2/14/2014 12:30PM

    I know several people who have had weight loss surgery and gained the weight back because they did NOT change their lifestyle. I have one friend who had the surgery twice!! So just because they are losing quickly does not mean their weight issues are over. In fact, they may have more trouble than you, because you have learned what to do to take it off and keep it off, while they are not having to make good choices!

This is very hard. You know it. I know it. Everyone on this site knows it. If it was easy, we wouldn't need each other or Spark! Keep the faith, my friend. You can do it. And do NOT be ashamed or embarrassed! We ALL have done it, and will more than likely do it again. As long as it is a temporary aberration, we are still getting to where we need to be.

Hugs and blessings!

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SPARKLINGHOPE 2/14/2014 12:09PM

    emoticon I have also not been tracking and have gained weight. It scares me but when we are ill our bodies do change due to medications, bloating etc. Hope you are feeling better. I am finally seeing some light.

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GARDENQE2 2/14/2014 11:50AM

    Here's a quote from my friend Beth that might spur you on now...
"If you get a flat tire, you don't pop the rest of your tires, you just change the tire and get back off the road!" emoticon
We're all on the same road with you! emoticon

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CHRISGORGME 2/14/2014 10:20AM

    You are a brave soul for refusing to undergo a weight loss surgery.
You are amazing, you are an inspiration to so many of us. Thank you for admitting a struggle and how you are going to come out of it.
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PATTYSPENCER 2/14/2014 10:05AM

    Comparing ourselves to others is so mentally unhealthy but we do it all the time - wish we would all stop it because we are all different - with different needs - different lifestyles - different everything. I know you'll get back on track - you're such a inspiration and I love reading your journey!

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SLIMLEAF 2/14/2014 9:51AM

    Well done, Beth - you CAN do it!

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2HAMSDIET 2/14/2014 9:44AM

    emoticon I once wished to be "normal" until I realized that there was no such thing.

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 2/14/2014 9:43AM

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MARUKI52 2/14/2014 9:37AM

    Personally I think the choice you made was the better one. Don't be downhearted that you have put weight on. It happened to me, it probably happened to many of us, but the difference is, yes it went wrong, but you pick yourself up and start again. You do not let this aberration (I like calling it that) rule the rest of your life, You can do this, I can do this, with a little help from our friends and, luckily, there are friends on SP who will encourage us to get going again. emoticon emoticon

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WEGENERCS 2/14/2014 9:25AM

    Something similar happened to me. So easy to phase out the food tracking because we think we have mastered that habit. And then portion control flies out the window. For me it will likely always be necessary to track food and exercise every day. Keep the faith!

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BATCHICK 2/14/2014 9:03AM

    I has WLS and I still struggle a LOT. Hang in there!

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SONGBIRDPAULA 2/14/2014 8:54AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Paula emoticon

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NANCY- 2/14/2014 8:41AM

    Hey there GF I hear you. surgery is not for me either. You have chosen to track and know what you must do to be successful, but what do they have to do after the surgery to have it be successful? Often we don't get to see the whole picture, we just get a snapshot that looks enticing.
WTG and Congrats on determining what works best for you. That's showing yourself the love.
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WILSONWR 2/14/2014 8:34AM

    I'm glad you're recommitting yourself to the weight loss. This is all about learning a new healthy lifestyle - the journey is the most important thing and we need to do what works for us. Take care - we know you can do it!

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DDOORN 2/14/2014 8:33AM

    You know I have been Sparking for YEARS and have resisted mightily against tracking...to my detriment. Since the New Year I've just accepted that if I'm going to live the life I want to live and be satisfied with my body tracking simply MUST be part of my regimen. Just like showering, brushing teeth, etc. I have made tracking one of those habits that I'm going to deeply ingrain into my life.

Betting that's what YOU'RE aiming for TOO! :-)

Don

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MAESTROSHASHA 2/14/2014 8:18AM

    O my goodness Beth, Do you know what an inspiration you are??? Thank you for your candor and honesty in sharing your struggle. There's no shame in your game. I think I speak for many when I say you inspire me so much because your whole story has always been modeling what to do after you fall down: Get back up. Please know I am / we are cheering you on! And even moreso I / we are so cheered on by you and all you continue to accomplish!

Do you know part of your story has turned into a mantra for me? When I feel like I can't get 'er done or I am falling down on creating healthy habits, or just feel like I don't have much gas left int the tank so to speak, I say to myself "shampoo bottles". I think of how you did what you could, something small, right then and there where you were, lifting shampoo bottles, and kept at it, until it little by little, it grew into something more.

YOU ROCK! PERIOD!

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ONEKIDSMOM 2/14/2014 7:41AM

    Good retrospective. Beth, we are all heroes to someone. I love that the heroes over here on Spark are HUMAN. We have our backslidings. But this sentence you wrote above says it all: "The secret is to never ever look at it like it's the end of the world."

It's not. It's life. It happened. And you've had a taste of what it feels like to be fitter, healthier, and even though it seems to take so long compared to "short cut" methods... we all have to go through the SAME mental process of adjusting to a new lifestyle. Slow, steady, and you're worth it, Woman! emoticon

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IOEINC 2/14/2014 7:37AM

    I have regained about 25 pounds without anything changing and that has me so frustrated. I upped my exercise to 30 minutes twice a day but the treadmill does not burn as many calories as walking outside. And with the snowy and cold weather we have been having, that is not possible. My plan is to join a gym where I can swim (our local Y has restrictions on pool use 3-9PM because the local high schools (ones with pools of their own) use the pools for practice so that is out for me. That would be the only time I could swim since I work during the day. I also stopped tracking my food for a while and that made me less accountable for what went into my mouth!! SO it is back to tracking for me and swimming when the time comes!!!

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GABY1948 2/14/2014 7:26AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NANCYPAT1 2/14/2014 7:02AM

    Once we learn what you have, we can recover from ANY setbacks. I applaud you for sharing your struggles and reminding us that it is WORTH the effort even when we feel disappointed by our failure to be perfect,

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SANDRALEET 2/14/2014 6:59AM

    I now how you feel I have a low thyroid function I loss weight slow I to wish I could loss faster ,We each have our problems put God is there with us We will make it

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4RASCALS 2/14/2014 4:39AM

    emoticon for sharing your struggles. It's encouraging to know we are not alone in our struggles. You can do it Beth.

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PABPAJ 2/14/2014 4:22AM

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SLLYONS51 2/14/2014 2:42AM

  Beth I admire your honesty. You can do this. Restarting is difficult but there are a lot of us that have restarted and everything clicked into place again. I have lost and regained the same 50lbs at least 3 times but never in my mind did I totally give up. I am so glad that you are not giving up on yourself either. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Susan

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IMAVISION 2/14/2014 1:15AM

    Excellent blog!

I am happy that you caught yourself when the gain was only twenty-five pounds.

God bless you with continued success in dropping all those returned pounds!

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JANIEWWJD 2/14/2014 12:42AM

    You are an amazing woman and I know that you will get back on track and succeed!!!!
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JANTWO 2/14/2014 12:34AM

    Thank you for sharing your struggles. It helps to know we are not alone. Hang in there!!!! emoticon

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KOHINOOR2 2/13/2014 11:57PM

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DLYNN1113 2/13/2014 11:56PM

    Beth, the honesty with which you write never ceases to amaze me. You give all your heart not only for yourself but to help others who may have the same issues along the way. You my sparkfriend are truly a woman after God's own heart, one who gives selflessly. Thank you seems so little to say for all the ways you motivate, inspire and encourage. You have a heart to want to see others experience what you have, and are willing to go the extra mile to help them get there, and that my friend is very rare. I am very blessed to be able to call you my sparkfriend, and I know you will succeed in figuring out what you need to do to get thru this plateau so you can help the next person thru it. emoticon emoticon

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