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Writing Out My Anxieties

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

I’m riddled with anxiety today SparkBuddies, let me explain why.
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1). The show I’m currently in has been receiving RAVE reviews and has touched everyone that has seen it thus far. This weekend is our final weekend and 2 people from a leading LGBT theatre in LA will be coming to support me. I’m a company member of said theatre and am working with my current director in mounting our show in a different venue in order to get more people to see it. These 2 people that are coming are my dear friends, but they are also super famous in the theatre community here in LA. They also are extremely talented in their own right and are considering putting on our show to bring funds in our theatre which desperately needs money. I want the show to be the best it can be and I want to extend it because of how good I know it is. In comes the anxiety. When my director told me that he was in contact with my 2 friends, I was excited and fearful. What if they don’t like it? What if someone (me included) messes up so bad that it ruins the show on Friday? What if they don’t like what they see? My 2 friends haven’t seen me in a show in over 2 years (since the show we did together) and I just want to be a credit to them. I want them to be proud of me, proud that they made me a company member of their beloved theatre.

2). Remember when I blogged about the Disney gig? Even though I still haven’t heard from them, I’m counting down the days until I do and I still have around 3 ½ weeks until I MAY or MAY NOT hear from them. I want that gig so bad and I feel like my life is hanging in the balance because of it.

3). I haven’t been following my program as well as I want. I’ve been eating a lot more at night even though I’ve been on track ALL DAY. I don’t track the additional food and I don’t work out every single day (although I do make my 180 fitness minutes per my DONE GIRL challenge). I’m not noticing any physical changes in my body, but I do FEEL a lot better because of all of the good food I’ve been eating. I lost 3lbs last week, but I have a feeling I won’t be doing as well this week. It’s frustrating. I won’t give up though.

4). Bills. Bills. Bills.

5). Although I’m sure I don’t look it, I feel HUGE. I recently looked at myself in some videos from the show and I feel like I look so large in them. I’m still around a 16 or XL, but I feel like I’m slowly but surely getting back to being 285 and wearing 24s. I realize that this may be irrational, but this is what my brain is coming up with.

What do you guys think? Any encouragement is needed and appreciated!

Yours In Anxiety,
Miss B

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1) Break a leg! You are Amazing (remember! I wouldn't lie to you!)
    1497 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    From reading past blogs, you are always emoticon when you have a show, so no worrying! Do the best you can & you will be your fabulous self! emoticon
    1498 days ago
    Couldn't say it any better than Dave! BUT just want to add my wishes for a great success with the show and fingers crossed the Disney opportunity happens for you!

    1498 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Will worrying make things better or worse? Will it change anything? Possibly, if you worry, you may be so stressed, you WILL flub up.. I believe it is called setting yourself up for disappointment!! Stop it! HAHA!!

    Your very first sentence in this blog says it all..RAVE reviews!!

    How picky are these dear friends? As fellow performers, they know that Miss Brit is doing the thing she loves most: performing, giving her all, loving what she is doing at that moment!!
    As far as the story line goes, if they like it, they like it.. If it is meant to be, as so man of your past sharing have shown us all, it will happen!

    The main thing is, you know your goal: to entertain, to bring your audience in there with you, keep them wanting more, putting themselves someplace else for an hour or two of their lives. You have that power, you have done it according to the reviews thus far..
    step on that stage, have fun, reel them in, and take them along for the ride!! Your friends will love it!!

    (BTW, I am siting here listening to Natalie Cole share HER voice to let me wander for awhile, I am not second-guessing her AT all!! )

    1498 days ago
    in addition to the wonderful advice already posted, i will share with you a few of my goals and motivators on my start page, which i review daily. they each have a backstory, but perhaps they can be helpful on their own: 1) one breath at a time; 2) show up, move on; 3) be mindful of the overall picture: more skilful choices, fewer unskillful ones (whether in terms of weight, nutrition, fitness or any other realm of life; in other words, bottom line is NOT a number on a scale, it is the overall quality of your life); 3) who is driving the bus? (if you are letting someone or something other than your focused self be in charge, you may want to reconsider drivers). and lastly, i wish for you the ability to embrace yourself fully for who you are in this moment--don't wait until you give a superstar performance or get your dream position. you are a beautiful being RIGHT NOW. striving can be exhausting. you have already shown great courage in your sharing--that and acceptance can be real energy boosters. i wish you the best. emoticon
    1498 days ago
    I don't think I can add much to what Dave said. That's lots of great advice!

    I also suffer from anxiety, and writing is a great way for me to get to my feelings under control. I hope it's been helpful for you too!

    1498 days ago
  • -DAVE-

    A stranger's advice. First off, good for you for being open and recognizing anxiety. It takes a lot. See my numbered responses and note, we all have anxiety and performance nervousness to one degree. Short answers are meant to make you think...so think about my response. I've been where you are.

    Here goes...

    1. You have great friends who are looking forward to your performance!!!
    "What if they don’t like it? " -- The worst is they don't like it, but can you do ANYTHING about other people's opinions? If not, why anxst and worry? Go for it, do you best and have FUN!!!!

    2. Rejection is part of life and makes us ultimately stronger (if that's the case w/Disney). If you don't get called, can you do anything about it? Do you think it's time to move on if they don't call you? Wasted energy can exhaust you like this.

    3. Sounds like you're ON track. You lost 3lbs. which is a little above recommended/average AND you recognized some tweaking opportunities. Go for it and tweak to your heart's content!!! Do track ALL food though, it makes a difference.

    4. We all have them and stress over them. Do they go away? Other things have to sacrifice or we need to find a new/additional income source or claim bankruptcy...

    5. You're putting a lot of value on external opinions. If you feel bloated, check your sodium intake and water intake. Keep up the excellent work and great luck in the show with your friends. I can't wait to hear about it!

    IWAK (In Warmth and Kindness), Dave
    1498 days ago
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