Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Iím riddled with anxiety today SparkBuddies, let me explain why.
1). The show Iím currently in has been receiving RAVE reviews and has touched everyone that has seen it thus far. This weekend is our final weekend and 2 people from a leading LGBT theatre in LA will be coming to support me. Iím a company member of said theatre and am working with my current director in mounting our show in a different venue in order to get more people to see it. These 2 people that are coming are my dear friends, but they are also super famous in the theatre community here in LA. They also are extremely talented in their own right and are considering putting on our show to bring funds in our theatre which desperately needs money. I want the show to be the best it can be and I want to extend it because of how good I know it is. In comes the anxiety. When my director told me that he was in contact with my 2 friends, I was excited and fearful. What if they donít like it? What if someone (me included) messes up so bad that it ruins the show on Friday? What if they donít like what they see? My 2 friends havenít seen me in a show in over 2 years (since the show we did together) and I just want to be a credit to them. I want them to be proud of me, proud that they made me a company member of their beloved theatre.
2). Remember when I blogged about the Disney gig? Even though I still havenít heard from them, Iím counting down the days until I do and I still have around 3 Ĺ weeks until I MAY or MAY NOT hear from them. I want that gig so bad and I feel like my life is hanging in the balance because of it.
3). I havenít been following my program as well as I want. Iíve been eating a lot more at night even though Iíve been on track ALL DAY. I donít track the additional food and I donít work out every single day (although I do make my 180 fitness minutes per my DONE GIRL challenge). Iím not noticing any physical changes in my body, but I do FEEL a lot better because of all of the good food Iíve been eating. I lost 3lbs last week, but I have a feeling I wonít be doing as well this week. Itís frustrating. I wonít give up though.
4). Bills. Bills. Bills.
5). Although Iím sure I donít look it, I feel HUGE. I recently looked at myself in some videos from the show and I feel like I look so large in them. Iím still around a 16 or XL, but I feel like Iím slowly but surely getting back to being 285 and wearing 24s. I realize that this may be irrational, but this is what my brain is coming up with.
What do you guys think? Any encouragement is needed and appreciated!
Yours In Anxiety,