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    DELITFRN   18,554
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I'm tired of being scared and full of self doubt and destruction!!!!!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Well today I am going to share a little more information than I normally would share.... I have not taken true advantage of the "Sparkpeople community" like I promised that I would...... Today I am going to start and make every effort to do this daily. I have been on a life changing mission for almost 2 years (5/9/2012) and have lost a high of 55 pounds now at 45 pounds!! I know deep in my heart that I should and I am grateful for this but I feel as if I am spiraling back out into that abyss of no-control again and all because of insecurity, fear and self doubt. You see, I have never had any real self esteem or self worth. Coming from a childhood of abuse and secrets..... Rewards of food is where my addiction began and has continued for 45 years. Yes, I have moved forward with this and I definitely like to think that I have not let my past define me as a woman but I do continue to have low self esteem and insecurity. Why do I do this???? I want to move past these areas and continue on changing my weight and my life!!

I have been married to my best friend for this year being 25 years..... yes he is aware of my past in part; I have never shared all details and never will so that I don't go back down the road that I have traveled. He is so very supportive of my journey and has finally decided to join me in this. But my dilemma continues; where has my motivation gone? Where is my willpower?

I hope that by blogging will help me get feedback, will help me see what I write and use it as a tool to figure out where my self destruction comes from. As I begin this next step of my phase I am reminded of my favorite motivational quote...... "You'll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine."

Thanks for listening and here's to moving me to the next step....... emoticon
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