Tuesday, February 11, 2014
I had a session with my therapist this afternoon. He noticed that I tend to do better in the summer than the winter. But, it wasn't like that in college. So, he is also thinking that a lot of what I deal with stems from my job. After stuff we talked about today, he is convinced more than ever that I'm on too low of a dose of my OCD med and that the intrusive thoughts would stop if I were on a higher dose. I see the psych next Tuesday. I am still thinking about cutting, but it's not screaming in my brain. I told the therapist something else today that I have never told anyone about my thoughts. He didn't really react to it. He is wondering if the reason I got so bad a couple weeks ago was because I had told him the one thing that I had never told anyone else. He's wondering if I kind of panicked because I had been honest with him about my thoughts in a way I never had. He wants me to tell the psych when I see him next Tuesday.
The therapist has suggested that I get some play-dough to play with when I start feeling overwhelmed. He's thinking that it might help me calm down. He also suggested a punching bag because I told him about how I used to punch brick walls. It's been about 2 years since I've punched a brick wall. The last time I did that, I went into the bathroom at work to punch the wall because there are cameras everywhere and I didn't want that on camera.
Every time before we do a session, I have to rate about how I've been feeling in the past week as for as individually, family, socially, and overall. The therapist was saying that my ratings have been stable, but below the cut-off line. So, he's kinda hoping that my ratings will go up.
It's getting really hard to keep up with my job and school work. I'm having a hard time focusing on what I need to do. Cutting just keeps screaming in my brain, preventing me from thinking about anything else. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have another IEP meeting Thursday and I don't have the IEP written yet. I have most of it done, but not the important parts. I'm going to work on it tomorrow morning and hope to get it finished. If I don't get it finished then I'm going to have to take it to work to finish it.