Tuesday, February 11, 2014
So today was a whirlwind. I don't want to get into specifics but my family has mental problems… that are being exacerbated by the fact that we are selling my parents house (or trying to).
Trying to keep my father from driving my mother to kill herself is what is mentally and physically dragging me down. Sorry its heavy but sometimes you realize why the f**k you're messed up and have turned to food in the past.
I made smart choices today to start. I got up early. Ate a good breakfast (I'm saradrenk on myfitnesspal if anyone wants to stalk me). Worked out. Got ready. Cleaned up my room and some other rooms for the realtor. Started making a healthy lunch and then all hell broke loose.
Nuclear f***king meltdown time. I'm still shaken over all of the crap that went down today. My family is stressing me out so badly. Its no wonder I've always gravitated towards food for comfort. I did again. I was running late. All of the stuff i had to do today took away from all of the things I NEEDED to get done. So dinner for me was Chai and a Cinnamon roll from Panera. I bought my mom some bagels and cookies from the bakery. She needed it. She's overweight and she was overmedicated and couldn't take any more drugs so I gave her the only thing I could to make her feel better.
I can't stand living with my parents, but sometimes I wonder what would have happen in certain situations if I wasn't here…
A lot to think about. I only ate around 2000 calories, and with my workout today was kept in check. I have enough will power to stand through this and not go to a drive through. My ultimate goal isn't going to be derailed by all of this chaos.
In good news the scale moved down. I was at 202/203 before super bowl sunday, I just hadn't reweighed myself since then. So today started off good. 200.2. 0.2# of pesky weight keeping me from Onederland. I thought about removing some more clothes, but said -- "eh, its a 3# loss." I'll take it now and feel amazing about it. SO the next time I step on the scale (hopefully) it will drop me back into Onederland and I can enjoy my weight again. 200 for me is the barrier I don't want to go over. 200 to me is the sign that I am backsliding and I need to get my butt back in gear.
So that I am. I will make more time for me. I will help out my parents, but I won't let them drag me down with them.