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Survival Mode

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

I have been in survival mode most of the past 6 months. I'm just able to do what I need to do each day to get through the day. I'm not happy, I'm not finding as much joy in things that usually bring me joy. I'm tired sluggish, snappy, sad, and find comfort only in fattening, sugar loaded food. And lots of it.

I hate feeling like this. I hate to publicly bring this to my blog.

This is no way to live. I know that I can feel better than this. I just can't seem to get out of this funk. I've even set the tiniest baby steps for myself (1. go to the gym once a week, 2. Take my vitamins)...I haven't even made any effort at hitting those two goals in nearly a month. I don't know what it is.

Usually if I get into a little funk, I can pull myself my by the bootstraps and make myself get back into a healthier routine, and then I will start to feel better, usually after only a few days of effort. But at the moment I can't muster the effort.

It is taking all my energy just to do what I have to do to get everyone to school, make it through a workday and get ready to do it all over again tomorrow.

I almost feel bad to post this, because I know how very blessed I am. I know many, many people with problems MUCH worse than mine. But I'm feeling so desperate, and depressed I'm just going to put it out there into cyber space.

I've lost all motivation, but at least I'm still looking for it. I'm so ready to be happy again and just feel like myself.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Other people having things worse doesn't make your life feel any better. If this has gone on this long, you might want to talk to your doctor about it. Or, if you're not a doctor type of person, find a way to make that effort to get to the gym. A technique I found to work well is to not think about EVERYTHING it takes to get there, but to focus on one small step at a time. Maybe one day you make sure your workout clothes are clean. The next day you hunt down your workout shoes and bag. Day three you combine the clothes and shoes and bag and put it somewhere that is easy to get to so you don't forget them (in your car, by the front door, whatever). Day four, show up to the gym, even if you don't actually do anything. Day five, try some light exercise. Et cetera, et cetera, until you work your way back to where you were.

    Or you could do it somewhat faster, by focusing on each step as you're doing it, then doing the next step, and the next, without thinking about what the next step is until it's time to actually do it.

    I hope this helps, or at least sparks an idea that will help. It's terrible for you to feel that way! emoticon
    1469 days ago
    Wow, can I ever relate to this blog. As you may know as I have written several blogs about it, I am fighting terminal lymphoma and there are days when the urge to stop chemo and let the natural course take its run, but so far, I have been able to overcome this.

    Usually what it takes is when I look at my wife of 56 years and I know that I done want to leave her.

    That being said, there is LIFE and there is QUALITY OF LIFE. So only God knows what lies in store in the near future.

    Thank you for your blog. I gained some insight in my personal life.
    1470 days ago
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